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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Going through hard time [sorry its long]

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Author Topic: Going through hard time [sorry its long]
Member # 27621

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Hi, I'm new to the board.. I've actually joined because I really have no one else to talk to. I'll try and make this story as short as I can.

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. We really love eachother, but lately I've had those feelings come and go. We're both under a huge amount of stress... and he's practically been living at my house with my mom and I for the past 3 months. He's my first boyfriend, so I've really not had experiance with this at all. I used to have two best friends online, and I made the mistake about venting to them when he and I had arguments.. they ended up encouraging me to breakup with him, and our friendship just ended this week. They told me he was abusing me [he slammed the car door in anger once] and that I was too good for him.

Lately I've been questioning our relationship... sometimes I have my ups and downs, but especially these past few days. We both had emotional breakdowns last week, and his chest has been hurting ever since. I'm not sure if I should consider myself a virgin, since we've done what you could call "Dry Sex" however, he has been inside.. through my pj bottoms. My monthly friend seems to be a little late, and I'm paranoid that I might be pregnant [which is what brought me here in the first place]. I tried to tell him that I learned what we do could have a small risk of pregnancy [he's at work and I'm talking to him online], but he said his chest started to hurt and tried to shrug it off.

We both have very differnt religions, and when the issue came up, he emailed his pastor.. I did something not-so-nice and read the responses.. his pastor trashed my religion, and encouraged him to stay away from people with my beliefs. That argument was over with a long time ago, but it still bothers me. He used to say that down the road he wouldn't stop until maybe one day I would convert, but afterwards he felt horrible and said he would never change me and would set aside his beliefs to be together.

I've realized that I've been neglecting my mom lately, and to top it off I've just lost my 2 best friends of over a year and a half. I love him, and want to be with him for a long time, but I'm not sure about my feelings right now. I know I haven't given the full story, but I figured this would be a mouth full as is...forgive my venting, I realize I'm not doing the best job of showing him in the right light.. if anyone could give me any advice it would be heaven sent.

Thanks =\

Posts: 3 | From: California | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oOo Lea oOo
Member # 26647

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Reconsidering your feelings is somewhat normal. Most people have ups and downs in there feelings. But, could it be more than that? Is there a reason you have doubts? I think you need to reassure yourself.

Friends show concern, its what they are for. Do they have reason to be concerned about your boyfriend being abusive? Does your boyfriend continuously show agressive behavior that could be harmful to you? If so, an abusive relationship is definitely not a safe one. You need to be out of it.

Its definitely hard when a relationship or a friendship ends. Think about what happened. Talk to your friends. If they are simply being unreasonable, and unsupportive, than you don't need "friend's" like that anyway.

As for your religion issues. No one can force someone to believe in something they simply do not wish to believe in. To each their own [beliefs]. [In my opinion]Nothing in religion is CERTAIN, therefore you shouldn't be judged for believing something different. And you shouldn't judge anyone else, for that matter.

It seems like you really do love your boyfriend. Problems arrive in all relationships. No one is perfect. You have to learn to compromise. Talk to him about how you feel. But give yourself the time needed to sort out your feelings. I hope everything works out!

I hope I have helped!

Good luck!

[This message has been edited by oOo Lea oOo (edited 02-21-2006).]

Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1371

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Hey there,

Well, I'd definitely deal with the possible pregnancy risk, for your peace of mind if nothing else. If your period doesn't show up (and sometimes just stress can make them be late), take a home pregnancy test 10-14 days after the last risk and it will be accurate. Sounds like you could both use the peace of mind there.

You say that you feel like you've been neglecting your mom, and you've broken things off with two of your best friends. Well, no matter what you decided to do about your relationship with your boyfriend, I would encourage you to start renewing your relationship with your mom and building friendships with other people. Whether you stay or leave your boyfriend, parental relationships and friendships should also be an important part of your life.

Posts: 3077 | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25983

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I agree with what the others have said 100%. However, one thing that has not been addressed is your boyfriend's evasiveness. I'm not exactly sure if he has actual heart/breathing problems, but it sounds to me like he may be using it as an excuse to avoid discussing important issues (like your pregnancy concern) with you. You also said he tried to "shrug it off". Just another thing to think about, sweety. Hope this helps.
Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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