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Author Topic: boyfriend worries
babyluvblue
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Member # 26163

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Ok, here's the thing, nearly all my friends have boyfriends and i still don't. i'm 14, but it's still irritating because most of my friends are very confident, especially around guys, and i'm not at all. it's strange really because i used to go to a mixed school before secondary school, and i have no confidence.
Has anyone been/is in this situation? if so, can you please tell me how you got out of it, its very depressing. i've talked to my mum about it and she said that i'll grow out of it, and i know i will, but its hard at the moment.
Thanks very much
xxx

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LoSt4NoW
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I understand how you are shy around guys. Try and change a little every day. Hang out with your friends around a group of guys. Start up conversations with them. The most important thing, dont act like you want a guy, play hard to get. You are still very young and you have a long time to get a guy. It is hard to see others who have boyfriends and you dont, but eventually you will find that person and then others will be jealous of you.
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happy*little*me
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i dont really agree with lost here.. you shouldn't try to play games with people. All it really does is complicate things and make you unhappy, because you're not being yourself..

one of my friends is in a really similar situation to you, and has been for a long time. her group of friends are really confident around guys, and their style just isn't really her style. My advice to you (after seeing what my friend has gone through trying to emulate her group) is that you should find your OWN style with guys. It's ok if you have a different approach then your friends.

Maybe you should join some extra-curricular or non-school related activity that is coed. It could give you a chance to be around guys more, and maybe not feel the pressure to have a boyfriend or to be like your friends. It could be an opportunity to make some guy friends.

Really, don't feel like you HAVE to have a boyfriend. I now it is tough, but getting into a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship could be a really miserable situation.

I hope this helps and that you feel better about everything.

Good Luck!!

And really, what's most important is to be yourself (as cliche as that sounds). Trying to be someone else will only leave you dissatisfied and unhappy...

[This message has been edited by happy*little*me (edited 01-31-2006).]


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lotesseflower
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I didn't have a boyfriend until I was sixteen. I think that it's totally okay to date or not date--you should go out with someone because you like them, not because you feel like you should have a S.O.

Don't worry about it. When you meet someone worth dating, let yourself become friends with them first. Don't run out and try to find a date because your friends are. There's no rush, and anyway, there are so many other things to do besides dating.


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oOo Lea oOo
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I agree with Flower and Happy. You shouldn't let the fact that your friends have a boyfriend discourage you. It is only pressuring you into a relationship that you may not want to be into.

Maybe the guys your friends hang out with are just guys you aren't interested in.

Take the time to look around, become friends with guys, no worries about dating. Find a guy that you truly like, and are interested in. You are young, there will be plenty of opportunities for dating.

My first real boyfriend was at 16. I really didn't know what I wanted before that. I was still trying to figure myself out.

My advice to you is to not worry about your friends having boyfriends or being in relationships. Take the time to figure yourself out, and make friends with guys who are interested in the same things as you are. Its not hard to talk to someone when you share the same likes.

Good luck with this!


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PinkPenguin06
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I was in the EXACT same situation when I was 14 (I'm 17 now). I've always been a really shy person, and it was tough for me to get over the fact that my best friend was "stealing" all the guys I liked (simply cuz I was too shy to say to words to them ;-) ). I also know its hard when everyone around you has boyfriends (my friends used to define themselves by who they went out with). Its not a good habit and really you need to concentrate on you rather than them. I wouldn't try to get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one, that really will not make you happy in the end.

As for having more confidence... its tough, I know, I was and still am exactly like you around not just guys but people I don't know. The thing with guys is, though, you don't need to think of them like they're another species, just think of them as people (don't worry, I know you don't really think of them as another species). But the more you focus on the need to get a guy the harder it is going to be to get to know a guy. If you concentrate on trying to make him like you you won't be thinking about if you like him. Its important to focus less on the getting a boyfriend drive here and more on the developing friends with guys... and if you find someone you like then go from there.

Honestly though, although it may be hard to understand, you do not need a guy to make you happy!! (I learned that the hard way). Don't feel like you need to get a boyfriend now or you'll be a freak, or feel like going out with the first person that asks you, because that won't make you happy. Take your time, and I promise in a few years no one will really care/judge you on whether you have a boyfriend or not (don't know if thats an issue here, but if it is, there you go.)


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Heather
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BEAUTIFUL advice, PinkPenguin!
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babyluvblue
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Thank-you all very much, it was all very useful, so thank you so much!!!
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