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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Is she making him up?

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Author Topic: Is she making him up?
BoundByScarves
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Member # 26746

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Ok, this is something that's been bothering me for a while, I just need to ask someone about it.

My best friend of 14 years has another best friend by the name of Matt, who she's known for about 6 years. Just three days ago he moved to California with his boyfriend, and I never got to meet him. Here's where my confusion comes in.

She knows this guy for 6 years, and I never saw one picture of him. They went to school together, and he always "absent" on picture day. She tells me he emails her all the time, but when I see her email (she usually reads her mail at my house) I never see anyone by this name. She gets phone calls from him at least twice a day, and then once she leaves her phone at my house for 4 days and it doesn't ring once. I'll be at her house, and leave, then she'll call me later and say he showed up after I left. Or I'll get to her house and I "just missed him". His last name keeps changing. First she told me it was Morgan, then it was Johnson, then it was O'Donnell. I ask her where he met his boyfriend. First she tells me the park, and the next day it comes up again, and she says the grocery store. I've never heard any of her parents or her siblings mention him, which I found strange if they were as good of friends as she said. It seems whenever I would tell her about something that happen to me and one of my friends, she'd tell me something almost exactly the same that happened to them. She'd tell me things I know wern't true. Like he used to sneak into her house at night and sleep there, and then leave before her parents woke up. Now I do believe there's someone, I was with her once when she talked on the phone with him for 20 minutes. But so much stuff doesn't add up. Part of me sort of thinks she has someone pretending to be this guy on the phone. I hope this makes some sense to you guys. Can I get an opinion?


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DarkChild717
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Well, if you have to ask, in your heart, you know the answer.

It does sound fishy to me. Have you confronted your friend? Further more, have you asked her family?

There are some who make up stories about their lives for one reason or another. They think it makes them seem cooler, but it does more harm than good. My ex-boyfriend did that, and panicked when I figured it out. The most you can do is make them aware that you know whats up, and hope for the best.


Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BoundByScarves
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Well I have jokingly said, "He is a real person, right?" and she replied, "Yes. He's a real person." Now I admit I've made people up before too, but never to this extent. She does have a very active imagination. I'm going to see what happens after his so called moving, see if she mentions him or whatnot.
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Ascalon_Vice
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Yeah, it does sound like she may be making him up. But, does it really matter? I mean, it's not posing a problem to your relationship now, is it?

I say just leave it alone. It's not really that important if you ask me. People have imaginary friends all the time; I had 3.


Posts: 17 | From: Ohio, United States | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
production error
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That's definitely fishy. If you've been best friends for 14 years, she has to be in her late teens, which generally speaking is above the age for imaginary friends. It seems to me that this is not as harmless as it may seem. Why would someone make up a best friend to another best friend? It could be so they seem "cooler," but there are much easier ways to do that. Sounds to me like there could be some sort of psychological issue that needs to be worked out. However, it could just be one of her quirks that she makes up little things and doesn't want to ruin her credibility with you my admitting that she was lying, so this story has perpetuated. Whatever the case, it sounds like you definitely need to talk it out with her. Tell her that you know Matt isn't real, so that she won't try to convince you otherwise, and let her know that you won't judge her and just want to have an open, honest talk with her. Good luck, let us know how it goes!
Posts: 17 | From: Clemson, SC USA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Humor_Me
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i have a friend.a bestfriend, indeed, and she used to making up stories and all that.
When we were highschool, she used to tell us, that their family's pretty well-off when in reality they are not. when our friends knew that she's only making up stories, she's really ashamed, she even wrote me a letter saying she's sorry.She just cant help but make up stories and she promised never to tell lies again. But when we were in college,she did the same thing. We are not classmates, so she have had her new set of friends, which eventually became my friends too.
One time, my bestfriend was not around, her new friends confronted me if its true that i am courting her! for godsakes im not a lesbo! she told her friends that she had sneaked into my room and had read my diary that says im onlooove with her and wanted to court her and im jealous of her suitor! I confronted her regarding that, and swore never to tell lies again, but, she nevr changed. We are not bestfriends now. coz she keeps telling stories that arent true. I cant stand being with that kind of person.

Posts: 8 | From: Manila,Philippines | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
faifai
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quote:
Originally posted by Humor_Me:

One time, my bestfriend was not around, her new friends confronted me if its true that i am courting her! for godsakes im not a lesbo!

There is nothing wrong with being homosexual. But there is something wrong with the fact that your friends are so very interested in this, and that you refer to it as being a "lesbo". It's not polite on their part to be so nosy, and it's not respectful on your part to refer to it as such.

[This message has been edited by faifai (edited 01-02-2006).]


Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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(Hey faifai: we just tried to email you with an important question, but your email bounced. If you see this, might you drop me a line at hcorinna AT mac.com? Thanks!)
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Humor_Me
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quote:
Originally posted by faifai:
There is nothing wrong with being homosexual. But there is something wrong with the fact that your friends are so very interested in this, and that you refer to it as being a "lesbo". It's not polite on their part to be so nosy, and it's not respectful on your part to refer to it as such.

[This message has been edited by faifai (edited 01-02-2006).]


Hello, i have nothing against lesbians, im trying to tell my story here. So i dont think you need to quote what i posted. I have gay and lesbian friends. What i meant by that was she's trying to tell her new friends that i am a lesbian which is not true, because she is just telling them pure lies.


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LilBlueSmurf
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Then you can refer to lesbians as lesbians, instead of "lesbos". Some people may find that term offensive. This is all faifai was asking.
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daria319
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She might be making him up, she might not. I've got about 6-8 email accounts, and a couple of my childhood friends email me in 2-3 different ones. My best friend(whom I've known since agre 9) hasn't met a single one of them. I barely have any pictures of my friends, or even my former significant others.

One of my closest guy friends(who took it upon himself to give all of my stuffed animals drug names) has virually dropped off the face of the earth -- I've known him since I was 6, and people still beg to see pictures of him. I only own yearbooks from 7th grade on(when I attended a private school, and then a magnet high school),and we never shared a class in elementary school. Sometimes it's hard to get pictures of people.

I don't even have pictures of my own family,if that tells you anything.


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ScreamInEcstasy
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I know people like this at my school, like they come up with the most out-there things and its just so obvious they are lieing,the most common thing this girl at school talks about is PEOPLE she always talks about people we know are not true she says things like " my 24 year old boyfriend, yeah were going to sleep in his apartment and im moving out of my house to go live with him and blah blah. We went to montreal last night and got drunk with his friends then we flew back. " (shes only15) ANYWAYS i think these people have some sort of phycological issue with longing for some type of exiting relationship (friends or lovers) that will make them feel, or appear cool.

I dont understand it, but i dont think its harmful to the relationship you two share at all, as long as you can learn to deal with it. I know it can get frustrating and annoying sometimes but just remeber there's nothing you can really do about it even if she is lyeing unless you want to ruin the friendship which would suck.. so yeah maybe she will just come around and admit it to you when she gets over this stage. Hopefully it IS just a stage. Or better yet, maybe this gay friend of hers IS real and you will meet him and his boyfriend one day!


Posts: 45 | From: canada | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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