posted
Hey... Ive been going out with my boyfriend for over 4 months. But now im thinking that i still like this other guy,sometimes I dont but everytime i see him i do. Hes also my best friend so everyone (including my bf) think i like him. He likes me to but i don't think i want anything to happen cause I still love my boyfriend. Also lately Ive been starting to think my boyfriend doesnt like me as much anymore. Im so confused. Sorry if this makes no sence... Help?
Posts: 97 | From: Uk | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Sweetie, I do not mean to hammer you over the head with this.
But this post has the same stuff MOST of your posts have had here, which is the resounding and clear message that you do not feel fully ready or sure about an exclusive or committed relationship. And yet, you seem to keep starting them, right from date one.
You are really young: it is developmentally normal and sound to be interested in more than one person at a time, to be curious about that, to explore that. That's what dating is for: we take the time -- no matter our age -- to more casually date someone, without the promise of exclusivity, for a good while BEFORE making that promise. Or we discover in dating someone that they are not who we want to make that promise with.
So, why keep up with the serial monogamy? Why keep starting relationships as serious and exclusive from day one, before you even have the time to get to know someone in that context to know if that's what you really want?
This has been said a LOT to you here, and usually it goes unanswered until you have another post with a nearly identical conflict. I'd say it's high time you address it, if not here, at least to yourself.
Posts: 63426 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Thing is.... Around where I stay and with the people I know, we dont do the one date only thing. Its like when you 'go out' with someone, its permiant untill you say its over....
Posts: 97 | From: Uk | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
That is really common among teenagers in my area too.
But ya know what? It's not working for you. It doesn't work for most of the people i know, they're just too caught up in 'everyone else does it' to make the change.
So, you know this isn't working for you. Why are you hanging onto this?
posted
Hey Egg, why don't you be the first to start something really cool. Why not bring back the practice of DATING. that is, going on dates and figuring out who's to your liking, and who's not.
Think of it this way, maybe everyone in your village wears really tight and itchy pants. But you don't like itchy pants! But everyone else wears them, so what should you do?
You find better pants. That way, other people, who may also dislike their pants can get new pants. And those who like the old pans can wear the old pants.
Be a trendsetter. Do what's right for YOU. In your case, stop "going out" with guys and instead try saying (and doing) things like, "Hey, i fancy you. let's hang out tomorrow." And then say, "I fancy him, I think I'll ask him out to lunch on Friday."
Basically, if you keep in the same patterns as you've been doing (sticking with one guy and not enjoying it), then no matter how many times you come to ST, we're not going to be able to help you out because you refuse to follow the advice we give you. You can't come here a thousand times asking us what 2 plus 2 equals, hoping at some point we'll say 5. sorry, but the answer is still 4. and in your case, the answer is still "don't be so hasty to go steady."
so come on, break out of the mold and do what's in your best interest.
posted
yeah i know i could try that, but its not easy just to break up with someone who really cares about you and stuff. I dont even know if i want to.
Posts: 97 | From: Uk | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Look, at least for a change take the time to think about it FOR YOU.
With a plan, if you DO decide you don't want to stay with this guy, NOT to go right on to someone else and keep yourself locked in this holding pattern.
By all means, stay together if that's what you like.
But if you break it off? Take a BREAK from the relationships. make a time commitment to be on your rown and single, for a reasonable amount of time, let's say, a minimum of six months WITHOUT making ANY sort of commitment to someone. You still want to date in there -- and I mean date -- fine, but do so without locking yourself in and making agreements you're not even giving yourself time to consider if you want to be making.
Posts: 63426 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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