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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Age Gap - Is it really that bad?!

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Author Topic: Age Gap - Is it really that bad?!
Member # 26504

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Some background for my story; I started talking to a guy through a chat channel off a large forum. Since the forum is spread over australia, members from the various states often get togeather for a movie, etc, to get to know each other. We both went to the Vic (our state) meeting, which happened to be dinner than to a pub. There was about 15 people there, and i sat across the table from him (i had never met him, only chatted to online.) in the end everyone else went to the pub, except me and him. I was underage, he had to drive home. We walked around the city to his car for a while, where he offered me a lift hime. i accepted, becuase i was enjoying talking to him. We got on really well. we spoke more and more online. The on day He asked me over to his place for lunch, i was cool with that, we had spoke over the phone heaps etc etc. After that i spent quite a bit of time with him. He lives 2 hours drive away from me, so i usually go over to his place for a day or two.

We've gotten really close, and he's told me he loves me, and i know that i definately have feelings for him. But, the only problem is, I'm currently 17 and he is 29. I know there are legalities srrounding this, but we both know that it would be stupid for eaither of us to go down the 'sexual' path untill i am at least 18.

We've been hanging out for almost 4 months now and are only just kissing. He never pressures me into kissing if i don't want to, and knows that i ahve boundaries and has never trid to cross them. We just love hanging out togeather. I feel empty and bored when i'm not with him.

Yet almost everyone i talk to about him and i tells me to back away because of the age gap! My folks only know that we are friends, becuase i decided i will tell them when i have gotten my own feeling's sorted out.

It's hard for me to make a decision, becuase although my heart is telling me to go for it, everyone around me is telling me it's wrong?
I guess i'm just looking for some other opinions on the topic.... Any ideas are welcome, becuase i'm really confused at the moment, heh.

White Wolf... Watching from the summer snow.

[This message has been edited by White_Wolf (edited 12-11-2005).]

Posts: 1 | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Here are a few helps I can tell you with this.

Have you met his friends, family, any ex-partners yet? This is often a big help, for a few reasons. For starters, you can get a real sense of who someone is by the company they keep. Too, you can actually see how YOU fit into HIS world if you do at all.

Have your friends met him yet?

Also, feeling empty and borred without someone is kind of a warning light to pay attention to. Is the rest of your life not enriching, or have you just abandoned it? Either place is generally not a good one to be in to make sounds relationships choices.

Here's what I'd say with that sort of age difference, and hopefully you can take this in the spirit it's intended.

Many adults pushing thirty who want to date teengers really aren't the most well-adjusted, mature people. Plenty do have ulterior motives, or just well... there's no nice way to put it... find younger people appealing because teens don't make the (reasonable) demands older, more autnomous people do in relationships, don't expect the same levels of maturity, etc. Not all: it is safe to say that for some adults dating teens, that doesn't apply. But it is also safe to say that they're rare.

And that's really why an age gap like that can be problematic. Because ultimately, when it comes to life experience, to needs and wants, to levels of maturity, your average together and developmentally sound 30-year-old really shouldn't have that much in common with somone not even out of high school. When you're 30, looking back n the 17-year-old you, that'll be really obvious, if you follow.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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