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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » how to deal with this situation? two-faced guy

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Author Topic: how to deal with this situation? two-faced guy
Member # 21909

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I've been seeing this guy for about two months now. For a very long time he was really into me and wanted a long-term relationship from the start. I was always a bit reserved because a) I've never had anything long-term before and b) we've just started university and I didn't want to commit myself.

Living at uni, in the same building, we were always spending loads of time together and it was getting quite intense. I ended up losing my virginity to him. I found myself liking him more and more and starting to feel like I did want a relationship after all.

Then, last week, I stupidly got stinking drunk at a big uni party and ended up being persuaded to have sex with this random stranger. When I told the guy he went mental -- every girl he's ever been with has cheated on him -- and said it was over. I was devastated both by having done something so sordid and by having hurt him. It really hurt him I think; he was absolutely messed up and told me he had cried for the first time in almost two years. Almost losing him made me feel surer than ever that I wanted a proper relationship. I laid my heart out for him and told him absolutely EVERYTHING I was feeling and thinking. After two days we were sleeping together again. Now we're acting like we were before, but we're not officially back together or anything. The plan is for us to go on a two-week break starting this weekend to think about stuff, and then meet up over Christmas and see what we'll do about the future. He seems really genuine; he's always talking about when I come to visit, making me swear I'll come, planning about him meeting my family etc., always wanting to be around me, kiss me, take naps with me(!), being really affectionate with me, asking me to wear his shirt so that he'll have something that smells of me while we're apart, introducing me to his sisters and wanting us to get along, etc. etc.. He even said that he forgave what I did and it all looked really positive. I had no reason to doubt him.

Then, I'm ashamed to say, I gave in to temptation and my paranoia and I read his MSN conversation logs one day to see what he'd been telling his friends about me and what he really thought. Long story short, he said some really nasty things - like that he planned to drop me after our 'break' was over; that I was really 'on tap' and 'guaranteed' for him, sex-wise; that he was planning to get naked pictures of me and use them against me if i '****ed him off'; and he was making fun of me at some points too. However, he also said that he did really like me and that he felt bad about potentially leading me on.

Frankly, I don't know what to do. I do still really like him but I'm not an idiot. (I certainly won't be letting him get those photos, anyway.) But should I end it now and be done with it? Or let it carry on until he gets bored (I do like him and I love the sex and I don't want to be alone, and at least now I have no illusions about the whole thing -- but then I'd much rather be the dumper than the dumpee. Perhaps I should let it go on 'til the end of the week or something? I don't know), or should I take a chance on the possibility that he really might want a relationship after all and that everything I read was just typical boy talk??

I really don't know what to do; any insight that you could give would be wonderful.

Posts: 21 | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I'd end it and move on to better things. This guy sounds like a serious manipulator.

I'm not going to justify you invading his privacy, but all the same, both what you found when you did and the way he reacted when you'd only been seeing each other for two months anyway is pretty outer limits (and screams of manipulation). And you know, no one's gender is an excuse to trash talk a partner or even a date that way. Do you really want to be with someone who'd talk about you like that to anyone? Hell, who'd talk about ANY woman that way?

Moreover, staying with someone to avoid being alone? Bad plan. Not fair to anyone, and while it's good you know being alone is scary for you or what not, it's never a good reason to choose a romantic/sexual relationship.

And you know what? When this is all over, you still have to live with and respect yourself thereafter.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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