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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Loneliness Has Taken Over.

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Author Topic: Loneliness Has Taken Over.
PerdyDinosaur123
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I feel lonely. That's the short version of this post. Now here is the long version:
I never feel...well very loved anymore. Sure my parents say I Love You still...but my dad always says it in a flat tone, and it just never feels real. I never hang out with my friends outside of school. And I only leave the house to go to horses, school, or do other boring stuff...alone.

I have never had a boyfriend. And I want one really badly. But maybe I only want one for the wrong reasons. I think about sex a lot, and it seems like a grea thing, but don't worry, I won't be having sex any time soon.

I think I get too wrapped up in books and movies and the media to understand what real relationships are. I always just want what made up characters have or daydream about how I wish my life was. And the idea of love is just so far off, and definatly feels hopelessly unreal. Whenever i think of a relationship i always think of feeling secure and safe, having someone to hold me, someone to love me completely, someone to be passionate with, someone to have mature conversations with but also act childish with, and someone who fits my high standards. But that is too close to perfect. Too good sounding to be true. What's wrong with me? I use to go to counseling, but i lied that i was better to stop going. I was never put on anti-depressants. I just always dream about having that idealy fantastic relationship with a guy. Any advice? Anything, everything would be great. I want to feel loved again. I want to be happy again.


Posts: 10 | From: Sammamish, WA, USA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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It sounds like you do have friends but you don't really see them very often. That sounds like the place to start to me. Invite someone over, ask someone if s/he would like to get some food after school, etc. It doesn't have to be anything huge, just something fun with one of your friends.

Once your social life is better established I think you'll find it much easier to meet new people and easier to have deeper relationships. This is an area where you have to take some action to get what you want.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
watermongoose15
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quote:
Originally posted by PerdyDinosaur123:
I feel lonely. That's the short version of this post. Now here is the long version:
I never feel...well very loved anymore. Sure my parents say I Love You still...but my dad always says it in a flat tone, and it just never feels real. I never hang out with my friends outside of school. And I only leave the house to go to horses, school, or do other boring stuff...alone.


About you parents... Im sure your parents love you, all do to some extent even if they dont show it, people can have problems expressing their feelings i can relate, my parents dont even tell me they love me.
quote:

I have never had a boyfriend. And I want one really badly. But maybe I only want one for the wrong reasons. I think about sex a lot, and it seems like a grea thing, but don't worry, I won't be having sex any time soon.
I think I get too wrapped up in books and movies and the media to understand what real relationships are. I always just want what made up characters have or daydream about how I wish my life was. And the idea of love is just so far off, and definatly feels hopelessly unreal.

The reason people watch soap dramas, shows like the OC, Laguna Beach, Romance movies and such is because it gives them a false reality of what love is like. It makes it seem like love is perfect, so easy, so beautiful. It is beautiful but there are problems. People see the ideal love they feel they cannot have and fall in love with... well... love.
quote:
Whenever i think of a relationship i always think of feeling secure and safe, having someone to hold me, someone to love me completely, someone to be passionate with, someone to have mature conversations with but also act childish with, and someone who fits my high standards. But that is too close to perfect. Too good sounding to be true.
It isnt too close to perfect thats wat a relationship should be, youll find it some day, i think you have to calm down a little in relation to the boyfriend issue. It seems to me that you want a boy friend just to have a boyfriend (i felt like this once 2 cept for gf) but at the same time u feel to be loved. You will find someone like this u just have to take time also put your self out there. Try to interact socially, make friends.
quote:
What's wrong with me? I use to go to counseling, but i lied that i was better to stop going. I was never put on anti-depressants. I just always dream about having that idealy fantastic relationship with a guy. Any advice? Anything, everything would be great. I want to feel loved again. I want to be happy again.

Nothing, nothing is wrong with you millions of teenagers around the world feel exactly like you my friend and i constantly talk about this same issue, Love.... The ideal love, BFs/GFs and all the same things u speak of i feel the same way sometimes i can assure u its completely normal
REMEBER: NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU, INTERACT, MAKE FRIENDS
good luck with whatever you mayface PerdyDino
-Watermongoose15

Posts: 60 | From: Bonita, California, United States | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PerdyDinosaur123
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quote:
Try to interact socially, make friends.

Right. Easier said than done. I mean sure, I have friends. I talk with them and have fun with them...but only at school. Or the occasional party i'm invited to. Other than that, I just don't do anything with anyone. Most of good friends are older than me, so i never see them, barely talk to them. When someone asks me to hang out, i've started making up excuses. now i know that isn't right. i bury myself in homework to avoid doing anything. i need to be busy to stop overthinking. but i never do stuff to be busy, except homework or school. school breaks are HELL for me. last year, all the free time got to me. i started thinking too much. over analyzing things. feeling so down. at home...i get so...so sad. it all comes out. and i hate how much i dump all this crap on my friends and on random people like you all. and i feel so bad. and so worthless. and so. so much like a mistake. i think the world would be so much better without me. i've been like this for a year. a YEAR. my friend said it took him two years to get better. i cant stand this for another year. i'm scared. and i'm almost sure, my mind will make me worse. if this continues for another year...i...i dont know what i would do to myself...

Posts: 10 | From: Sammamish, WA, USA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PerdyDinosaur123
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Even if i just find a good friend. a real friend. that i actually like to hang out with. someone that WANTS to talk to me. but it feels like no one wants that. i dont need a boyfriend. i just need someone...

"I dont want to be everything to everyone, But I'd like to be something to someone."


Posts: 10 | From: Sammamish, WA, USA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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...and that's totally valid and human.

So, why not pursue that? What are your interests and passions? Often, pursuing those actively puts a person in touch with other people who have vital things in common with them, which is really handy when nurturing friendships.


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PerdyDinosaur123
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my interests...i like horses. but i can't do much with them, because that costs money. i do take lessons, and work at a camp over the summer. at lessons i dont really make friends--all people i already know, some lessons are private. i like photography. but i take pictures alone. i'm in a class, but none of the kids really like photography, they are just taking it because its an easy class...i like school. a lot. and lots of people find me weird for being like that. so of course that doesnt really rack in the friends now does it? i have friends. just not...well good ones. they dont really ever seem like the care much, or they dont really seem even interested in me, i put interest in them, but it is never mutual. i need to find someone. anyone. before i go mental.
Posts: 10 | From: Sammamish, WA, USA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Well, since you like photography and school... why not combine the two and try to bond with your photography teacher. OK, that came out a bit odd, so let me explain myself better. Teachers teach (usually) because they really want to inspire their students to love learning and (some/many) help students through the trials and tribules of teenage life. (I say this as a young teacher myself.)

So, your photography teacher is probably also bummed that your classmates aren't very into photography. So s/he'd be more than (probably) more than glad that you're into it. Ask enrichment questions after class, drop by to chat after school. I can't guarantee that s/he'd be open to it, but it could turn out to be a very nice mentoring relationship.

I (usually) loved school, too, partially because it meant I didn't have to be at home, where I was not happy and also didn't really feel loved. I had an art teacher my senior year who'd let students hang out and work on projects (like splatter painting my electric bass) during lunch: this break from my school day turned out to be a real lifesaver my senior year.


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PerdyDinosaur123
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Thanks! I will try, who cares if people think I'm "Teacher's Pet", that's their problem. Thanks though. It is a good idea, really. [Splatter painting bass guitar-nice! I have a bass guitar; I'm not so good]

There is a down side to your idea though, of course I'm the one that finds the bad side to everything...What I mean is, sure, getting in touch with my teacher would be great, but it's just another SCHOOL "friend." Those kinds of friends are fantastic, don't get me wrong, but...My teacher wouldn't really be one to call on the weekends to hang out and talk about crushes and just be mutual friends for a teen. Thanks though. Really. You sound nice, thanks again.

Maybe I'm just blowing my situation out of proportion. :\ I don't mean to. And people always tell me to think of people who have it worse off than me... but you know what?, that doesn't help at all. Really. Discourage all people from telling sad people that. It just makes me feel even worse that someone who has it way worse than me, can be happier than me, and better at dealing with this, and look to the bright side, etc. Oh. Just forget it. Thanks.

[This message has been edited by PerdyDinosaur123 (edited 12-08-2005).]


Posts: 10 | From: Sammamish, WA, USA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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quote:
Originally posted by PerdyDinosaur123:
There is a down side to your idea though, of course I'm the one that finds the bad side to everything...What I mean is, sure, getting in touch with my teacher would be great, but it's just another SCHOOL "friend." Those kinds of friends are fantastic, don't get me wrong, but...My teacher wouldn't really be one to call on the weekends to hang out and talk about crushes and just be mutual friends for a teen.
I hear ya...

quote:
Maybe I'm just blowing my situation out of proportion. :\ I don't mean to. And people always tell me to think of people who have it worse off than me... but you know what?, that doesn't help at all.
Well, yes... but what if you look at it differently. That there are so many other people also feeling a bit lonely, who'd love to have some people they could call up once in awhile or hang out on the weekend with... that these people would be glad to meet you!

And to give things a different perspective: Right now I'm living in a culture where making friends is totally different from the United States. It has taken me three months to find local people to even meet up for coffee with-- and others have told me that three months is amazingly fast. Don't get me wrong: I'm a super outgoing person, I love meeting new people, I gladly strike up conversations just sitting in a subway car, etc. in the US. (Yes, I often ask myself what I'm doing here... Like does this mean that everyone is happily doing their own thing? No, more like waiting a long time alone with their lonely selves...)

So, because you are in a place where you can get to know a lot of people, why not just invite someone over? Or talk to that person sitting alone in the corner of the hall playing guitar or the person who always has his or her nose in a book during lunch. Maybe it'll be an awkward two word conversation, or maybe it'll turn into a great friendship...


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