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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » getting an apartment

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Author Topic: getting an apartment
wubbaa
Neophyte
Member # 25662

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I moved from tx up to rhode island a little over a year ago. soon after i met my boyfriend and have been with him since. at first things were wonderful and moved very fast. before i knew it, we were very committed. i have told him since i met him that i had planned on moving back to my hometown whenever i had enough money. my current date is set for january and he understands but dosent want me to go. the thing is he wants to join me in may when he finishes another semester of school, but i am having my doubts. he dosent really have a lot of drive for the future and dosent really do anything unless i push him to do it, and i just dont have time for that with my own life to worry about. i dont want to make the huge committment of getting an apartment with him if it ends up not working out because i dont want to be stuck with an apartment and bills that i cant afford. i love him a lot but sometimes it dosent feel right with him. i really need to move back home and there is no way i will stay past january. so what should i do? thinking about being without him i get so sad, he really is wonderful. but am i just with him because i am lonely up in RI? and am i really ready for that kind of committment?? especially when i have doubts about the relationship itself? please help any advice would be wonderful
Posts: 19 | From: houston, tx, 77429 | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
Activist
Member # 1386

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It would appear that your internal alarm bells are going off. While we cannot be a judge of your boyfriend's character, you can be. Keep listening to your inner voice. My advice would be not to do this until and unless you have sufficient confidence in your boyfriend.

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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo

[This message has been edited by Bobolink (edited 11-28-2005).]


Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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I agree with Bobo. Don't let the fear of being alone push you into committing to something you aren't ready for. Your first concern needs to be YOU. Getting stuck with an apartment and all of the accompanying bills can be a big issue. If you're not sure that you want this, then stand your ground and don't do it.

Remember that all relationships are a negotiation, no matter how "committed" they are. We must continually negotiate our boundaries, dreams, needs, desires, etc. with our partners. Relationships don't move in a linear fashion, one thing does not ALWAYS lead to another. Talk to your partner about what YOU need right now and how YOU feel about the relationship.

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Sarah Liz
Scarleteen Sexpert


Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
wubbaa
Neophyte
Member # 25662

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Thanks, I really don't think I am ready to get an apartment with him honestly. We get along most of the time, and I love being with him, but we argue about little stuff. And sometimes when we spend too much time together we drive each other nuts. However, I am still going to move no matter what. I feel like the relationship is at a point where it needs to move forward or end. I am not ready to move in with him, but how on earth would the relationship ever survive under such circumstances???
Posts: 19 | From: houston, tx, 77429 | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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Well, remember that relationships are changing things. And you are both growing and changing. So just because you don't take this step now, does not mean that you will definately not want to do it later. If you're happy now, then enjoy things now and see where you end up later. If you aren't happy now, then maybe it's time to get out and find something that does make you happy.

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Sarah Liz
Scarleteen Sexpert


Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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