I met my current boyfriend through one of my good friends. We liked eachother, so we decided to start a relationship. This was in September. He's a great guy, and all. He treats me with respect, he seems to genuinely love and care about me. The thing is, he lives about an hour away from me, and doesn't have a car. He just turned 22 on the 13th, and he doesn't even have his liscence. He didn't even graduate from high school. He has a job but he barely works. But what little money he gets from his job, he'll buy me things, don't get me wrong, its nice to recieve gifts for no reason at all, but he doesn't have a whole lot of money, and i don't want him to spend what little he has on me. He lives at home. He comes from a semi-broken home. His home life is a bit hard and lengthy to explain. Whenever I want to see him, I have to drive down there and stay by him or I have to go pick him up to come stay by me and my parents. My dad says, that he is a nice enough guy, but he has no future, because he didnt graduate from high school, doesnt have his liscence, and doesnt have a car. He says he wants to go get his liscence, a new job, get a cheap car, and try to enroll in college. I want to believe that he will. I care about him a lot, but I don't know what to do. I keel kind of fenced in like I need time, but I don't want time. He's a great guy, but I don't know if i want the same future that most likely lays in front of him. I wann give him time to change but I don't know if i want to wait. I do, but.. its hard to explain. I feel like its so one sided. I dont know what to do. Please, some advice would help me. Thanks so much!
Posts: 21 | From: Wisconsin, USA | Registered: May 2004
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quote:"This is maturity: To be able to stick with a job until it's finished; to do one's duty without being supervised; to be able to carry money without spending it; and to be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even." Dear Abby, aka Pauline Phillips
i found this quote a few days ago in her column and saved it. i thought it might inspire you a little.
You can help coach your boyfriend along. if he genuinely has a goal, you can encourage him to get there. just don't step over the line and push him into anything he's not into.
take things stepwise. the way i see your post, here are the things he needs to do to improve his prospects:
1. learn to manage money. 2. finish his diploma 3. work more hours -- if this means getting a different job, so be it. 4. once his diploma is done, start junior college
starting with 1. it's nice to get gifts, but suggest other ways of showing affection, like having him cook for you, or taking you on walks. these things are free. with the money he saves, encourage him to put it into the bank. thank him for gifts, but let him know you want him to use his money wisely.
then with 2, suggest he take the GED so he can get his diploma. help him study. make sure he sets a schedule o take the test so he doesn't back out of it. that is, make sure if he's SERIOUS about finishing school.
then there's 3. if you're 22, there's no good reason you shouldn't be doing something full time, whether working or studying. he's old enough to be a productive member of society. if he's bored of his job, and if it's a dead end, suggest something more in line with what he wants to do.
lastly, onceh e finshes his GED, help him enroll into JC. help him with financial aid, and help him pick classes. study with him. make sure he's comfortable with his studies.
one more thing, you've only been going out 2 months. that's not a long time. it's good to ecourage people towards betterment. i do it all the time. in fact, i iwas thinknig i could make a pretty good life coach. but don't burden yourself with grooming him for YOUR future. chill out with that and give oyur relationship time to grow. and be careful not to prod him so mch that he feelsl ike he can't be himself, or worse yet, that he's not good enough for you. walk a fine line and be careful not to tread on his feelings.
I don't want to groom him for my future, so much as the sake of his future. I don't want him to be like his parents. I'm afraid that will happen if he doesn't accomplish what he wants to. Right now he is applying at every place he can think of in is town to get a new job since the job he has barely schedules him. He's called the place you go to finish your diploma. He's trying, but I'm so afraid of what will happen if he doesnt go through with it. I dont wanna see him become his parents.
[This message has been edited by randy_cowgirl05 (edited 11-16-2005).]
then you just have to coach him along every step of the way. i already pointed out the things he needs to straighten out. give him encouragement, and let him know you're proud of his progress. and if something's totally foreign to him, help him along with your own experiences.
I'm in almost the exact same position. My boyfriend dropped out of high school because he needs a full time job to help out his family, but he can only work when it doesn't rain (he's in construction) and well in northeast ohio it rains about 5 days out of the week. He also doesn't have a car or a license so I'm stuck driving all the time although thank God he lives near me. He doesn't manage what little spending money he get very well by putting it in my gas tank or buying me food or something when im fully capable of paying for that stuff myself since I have a good job. He says he is going to go to night school but he doesn't have a car to get him to school and i can't take him all the time because i work and im in college and stuff. but I love him with all my heart we plan on getting married and even have the engagement ring in layaway and we can't wait to live together and make a family together. I just don't want to end up being the sole "breadwinner" of the family (im studying to be a teacher so i'll be making decent money) I want to encourage him to finish school and perhaps go to a tech school or perhaps do what he says and start his own construction company.
sorry for rambling I just wanted to say that i'm in almost the exact same situation!
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