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Author Topic: i need help
ledzeppelin
Neophyte
Member # 23012

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okay, i am deeply in love with my boyfriend and vica versa. we have been dating for almost 9 monthes. but he has some qualities that really get on my nerves. first of all, how can i tell him that he never makes sacrifices for me? he runs out of patience way too fast. how can i tell him to calm down? he gets mad too easily. it really hurts me when he just gives up on things. even everyday things. how can i tell him, without hurting him, how i feel? i feel like my love for him just diminishes when he does these things. i want him to not be so shelfish and make sacrificies for me, too. i dont want to hurt him so please help me.
Posts: 7 | From: montgomery, al usa | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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You can't just say he doesn't make sacrifices for you ... What kind of sacrifices are you looking for?

I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific as to what you're talking about so we can help you, and also so you'll be able to talk to your partner.


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ghosty
Activist
Member # 17968

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I'm also wondering what you mean with sacrifices ? Because a person shouldn't never sacrifice him/herself for the other, on a regular basis.

People who love and care for eachother, DO sacrifice sometimes their own intrest in order to make life easier or better or more fun for the other, however it is also a duty to try to minimize such incidents.
A person who always give up his/her things for the other, has no life.

When it comes to patience, that's really something you should discuss with your boyfriend. You need to tell him how YOU feel, without accusing and blaiming him for everything.

You see, I find a big diffrence when my girlfiend says, "I don't like when you do this, and it makes me feel bad, can you try not to do it again"
Compared to, "I hate when you do this, and you make me feel bad, you did it, then, at that time, the other day, for 2 months ago etc etc."

Which one would you prefer that someone used ?

You need to speak to him, and try to change things for the better, rather than going back and blaiming him for the stuff he did yesterday or day before that.
I believe that can help.


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Bobolink
Activist
Member # 1386

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Just how bad is your Boyfriend's temper? One of our sexperts, Gumdrop Girl has put together a handy checklist

quote:
The following information was given to me by a classmate of mine who works extensively with battered women, but it all applies to both men and women.

Read ths following and if you check two or more on this list, you are in a relationship that is not safe for you.
Checklist
[] My partner is very jealous, gets jealous easily
[] My partner follows me around, checks up on me a lot
[] My partner tries to control how I dress or who I spend time with (friends, family, coworkers)
[] My partner yells, calls me names, puts me down
[] I hide things that I think would upset or anger my partner (phone numbers, letters, photos)
[] I am afraid to say no to sex
[] My partner threatens me, or has threatened me
[]My partner hits, throws or breaks things when angry
[] I am fraid to disagree with my partner
[] My partner has pushed, slapped, punched or otherwise hurt me
[]I feel like my partner's anger is my fault

And some links to check out if you think this applies to you and you need more help:
Break the Cycle - Empowering Youth to End Domestic Violence http://www.break-the-cycle.org/
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence http://www.webmerchant.com/ncadv

And if you are in the Los Angeles Area, Sojourn is an organization that offers services to battered women and their kids. Give them a call at (310)264.6644


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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo

[This message has been edited by Bobolink (edited 11-03-2005).]


Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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