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fuchsia0flower
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Is it wrong to be dating someone that you know you could never love?

Is it giving them false expectations?


Posts: 19 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The_Guardian
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Yeah, I think it is giving them false expectations.

However, do you know why you re dating the person ? I mean, do you just do it for fun, or cause you feel that you have to ?

Do you even know what your intentions are ?

But in general, if you already know that you'll never be able to love the person, why continue dating the person...


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Heather
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You know the drill: honesty, best policy.

When you're dating someone, after more than a few dates it's wise, regardless of how you're feeling, to have a talk about what each of you wants in purusing the relationship. This is your opportunity to be forthright and fair and say that you don't want to pursue a love relationship and give the other person a chance to tell you what THEY want (or don't), and if your wants and needs and feelings align with theirs.

And if you don't do that?

Yeah, you're being unkind and disrespectful.

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Heather Corinna
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Posts: 68215 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fuchsia0flower
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Well, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 months, and when we broke up for a week I told him that I don't see myself ever falling in love with him. I didn't say it to hurt him, it was one of the reasons for me breaking up with him.

He said that since I've never been in love, I can't really say that. And love is something that is hard to define.

But I still stand by what I said. I'm dating him because I do like him and enjoy spending time with him and I don't want to be single. So he knows that that's how I feel, but I think he chooses not to accept it.

Is it still wrong??? We like eachother, I just think that we're too different to be in a serious relationship where love is involved.


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Heather
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Well, no, I wouldn't say it's wrong. I do observe two things from this, though:

1. From the sound of what your boyfriend said to you, he really isn't okay with it, and is basically convincing himself (or trying to) that you ARE in love with him and just don't know it. Personally, I'd opt out of a situation like that, because it doesn't make for a very healthy relationship. In essence, he's in the relationship under a knowingly false delusion because he wants something you don't have together: you're in it to avoid being single. At worst, it's unhealthy. At best...well, it's just pretty lame on both parts, eh?

2. Being with someone else t avoid being alone or single, even when your feelings are lukewarm, tends to be unhealthy for you as a person in the long run. For instance, it can keep you from looking at WHY you are afraid to be on your own or unpartnered. It can keep you from the personal growth, perspective and experinces that WILL have you in a place where you find a partner you do feel more strongly about.

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Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder
ST homepage • ST blog • about Heather & Scarleteen


Posts: 68215 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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