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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I meant to have a boyfriend...

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Author Topic: Am I meant to have a boyfriend...
Member # 25514

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bebsangel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay I actually have two issues, but will post them separately.
I know that this site is designed for teens, but I'm not too far out of my teens I'm 22.
I am tired of going to or hearing about so many of my peers getting married and/or being pregnant. I am very shy and find it difficult to meet people and become friends with them, guys and girls. That doesn't help me since I moved to a small town in a different state almost a year ago. I have recently met a guy, but I have no attraction to him, other than he is a GUY and I am getting desparate.
I want a good number, (not going to be specific) of children, and I feel like I'll be ready to start on that within the next couple years. The problem with that is no matter how much I want to have a child right now, I want to do it the right way. I want to date a guy for a while, maybe a year or so then get a engaged leaving plenty of time for planning the wedding, then spending time as a married couple before adding to the family. But how do I go about meeting people when I'm 1. shy, 2. in a very small town, 3. have been warned by many people that the guys around here aren't even worth dating. Plus it doesn't help any that a lot of guys my age are taken or so heart broke from a previous 2-4 year relationship and even engagement that end.
I'm really sad about being single and feel strongly that something is missing. I also feel that no matter what my age is and no matter how mature I am that unless I have a family, husband and children that I will never be an adult. I feel like I am definately looked down upon because I have neither, not even a boyfriend. I'm treated more like a child than an unmarried expecting mother at age 19. I also see how women older, in their 30's and 40's are treated and looked upon. I'm not saying their tortured, but little comments made here and there.
Another issue is the guys I seem to be most attracted to are in their 30's. But my last relationship where I used to live there was a 13 year difference and my high school relationship there was a 5 year difference. I know from experience that when you date somebody that much older that his friends hassle him and when with him and his friends it feels akward because they grew up 10 years before me. I would like to make my cutoff age at 27.
I guess my questions are:
1. How do I get out of my shell and meet guys?
2. If I am happy with the relationship with a guy so much older should I remain open to dating them regardless of what people may say.
3. How do I get over my feelings of sadness regarding no boyfriend and no children.
One more thing I have tried online dating services and one said they can't match me with anybody whereas others put me capable with people I'm obviously not interested in based on my profile and answers to questions.
Sorry this is so long.

Posts: 15 | From: Dayton, TN, USA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

Icon 1 posted      Profile for DarkChild717     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'll get to the advice part, but I've got to point out one thing. You're new, so I'll be nice.

You mention straight out that you understand that this is a site aimed at teens. Then, I found this little gem:

I'm treated more like a child than an unmarried expecting mother at age 19.

My best friend was an unwed mother at 19. At no point in time was she ever regarded or treated as a child. We ask that you keep stereotypes and generalizations off the boards, because they serve no purpose. Thanks.


Meeting people is not an ancient art. It's really quite simple, I promise. In your town, or one close by, there's bound to be a food bank, shelter, or other organization that would love volunteers. Or, there might be a community college with a certification program that's looking for students. Either of those options have others already involved.

Interacting with fellow volunteers or classmates is pretty straight forward. Say hi, they'll say hi back. Commence with small talk. Continue daily until you're comforatble enough to make the conversation more than a "getting to know you" type of deal.

Age differences should be of no consequence, if you and the other person are content, of consenting age, and on the same page as to what's going on in your relationship. What other's might think is pretty irrelevant, because it's your relationship.

As for children, if you feel you are ready for motherhood, there is always the option of adoption. Or, for the short term, you can either babysit for some neighbors, or volunteer ar your local YMCA or other similar organization.

Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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