so we talked again and... then well u know what happens when u r happy and with some one u love 2cm away from your face haha.
so the thing is it starts again and a actually becomes a "thing", just no one knows. Long story short the thing gets pretty huge for each other but no one (well 2 people) knows about it. Everyone suspects something though but no one has proof. Its been like a year and a half since that 1st kiss and the "thing" got pretty serious.
I still see him almost as a kid sometimes but keep fighting it to the point where I put up with stuff I think I shouldt: I think I do this because I know that I cant expect him to be that mature about stuff since he's younger than me and a guy... but then I guess I am totally inmature about this relationship things becaus I have no prior experiece! Am I like settling cuz I love him as my best friend too? Or is this just what its like when uve skipped the whole dating phase?
Yea so weve broken up now because of that It was one thing too many... we fought becuase he basically feels that I am going nowhere with my life becaus I'm not that good in the whole academic department and I'm waaay behind (I think he thinks I should already be like working in an office and stuff) and said awhole bunch of things that hurted a lot which he actually thinks (which is what hurts the most). I told him stuff I also think and never say like that hes a constipated immature idiot with a flagpole up his *** who cant even tie his own shoes if its not approved by society as a whole or that hes a spoiled brat who cant stand even the slightest discomfort ... yea I kno, nice couple...
I dont know I guess I just want opinions.
He's like never spent a dollar on me, given me a gift (ok like once or twice!) or even written me a letter (ok, twice. a century ago). He hardly ever calls and its only text from his phone when they are free cuz hes to cheap to pay for them. He's not poor hes just lousy at keeping his money for more than 5 minutes (aparently I'm also never in his head when he cant keep it). I keep feeling he hardly ever tries and does not appreciate the time I might put into us cuz he feels that his time is more valuable (if Id be with him the way he is with me it would have fallen apart in a second).
I know he fell in love with me (I dont know about now we havent seen echother in a while) but he keeps telling me Im materialistic if I tell him that its not enough that he feels it or says it but that hes got to show it (dyou think a call or simply going out as friends cuz noone knows about us is materialistic?).
I keep messing up the tenses cuz I still dont know if its over or not. Should it be??? Am I just crazy? shoudl this have never ever ever eeverrrrrrrr happened in the first place?
[This message has been edited by sugar128 (edited 10-01-2005).]
That was fairly difficult to follow, but I think I got most of it.
It sounds to me like the two of you had very strong feelings for each other, and were both in a place a while back where you were happy together. However, that seems to have changed, and towards the end of the relationship, you (and him too, it seems) weren't really happy with how things were going, and you both felt like you needed different qualities in a partner. He acted on this, and broke up with you.
It is natural to still have some feelings for a person with whom you've shared a close bond, even if they are no longer suitable as a partner. However, it sounds to me like this relationship is over, at least in terms of its romantic aspect, and you need to accept that and move on.
mmm well actually it was me who broke it off first. I told him that sometimes I wished I had never fallen in love with him and we werent fighting or anything, I just told him like any other thing I might think at a certain time. We were just talking. Then, after I said this we both agreed that maybe it was better if we stopped being together but that we would stay as friends, to try to be like before anything happened.
The thing is I think he missunderstood because he acted like it was the typical breakup. He'd act all awkward when he'd see me like he was making me uncomfortable even if I told him he wasnt, he made a concious effort of not even instantmessaing me and when I called or something or met him and talked all happy and as friends he would tell me "this is not supposed to be this way you are supposed to not wanna talk to me or call me or anything" looking all puzzled as to why I would wanna spend time with him... hes my best friend thats why! I think in a way he was trying to me himself unreachable as my friend so that I wouldnt stop being his, I guess "girlfriend" would b the most apropriate word. It had been 2 days since we broke up.
I'd actually made my peace with this idea of our new platonic relationship when he logged on really late and I said hi a while later (I was doing school stuff) he said "I was just leaving, I only entered to send u an email" I said "wait wait Im opening it, wanna read it" "no no!! bye!!" n he left...
"I couldnt sleep. You are a wonderful person and I couldnt even close my eyes without telling you how much you mean to me, how much I care for u and just how insanely in love I am with u"
this predictably makes huricane katrina whirr around my head, destroy all the peace and bring up all the old feelings (yea cuz Im the kind of girl who goes through the 7 stages of grief in like 2hours so I had accepted the whole new friendship thing already n those other feelings felt really in the past by then) and I call him.
"uh........ hi.......why did u send me that" "I dont know.... I just felt it....." "ummm.... but.... we talked.... and we agreed... and...."*sigh* "I-I dont know. I-Im sorry" "o-ok Im gonna go now" "ok" "bye" "I...... love you......... bye"... ten minutes later since I hadnt he said "why dont u hang up?" "I dont know" "ok" "bye" "bye... I love you" and I presed the talk button
So all my acceptance n resolve goes to hell I go to sleep and we meet the next day and agree its more like a break than breaking up. We then meet online and he tells me he wants to come over. He comes and asks me if we can have a break from our break because all day he's felt that he needs me so much. This breaks my heart and we agree on that.
The next day is the huge fight where he basically speaks his mind about how I am incapable of intelligent thought and I tell him how I've always thought that he is an analretentive two yearold. I'm pissed and we cant even fight because his dad is listening in the next room and he doesnt know about us and we start writing down what we wanna say to echother. I take a few deep breaths and try to stop fighting (like I always do) and say Im soorry for telling him the stuff I thought cuz I know its hurtful, he says its something u thought so stop appologizing (I expected him to say what I'd said too that it was what he thought but that hewas sorry he told me and hurted me. Its not that I dont think that way its just u dont intetionally hurt someone)
He alternates between that and studying for a test that isnt 4 like a week(so much for undivided atention): Me frustrated + him barely looking at me + finding out he thinks I'm more stupid than a tomato = angry tears falling out.
I ask him If he can open the back door for me, he does but doesnt let me leave until I "calm down" even if he knows they are just a reaction my body has to how angry I am, which means tears are no longer coming out of my eyes just because he's anoyed me so much Im more busy thinking about ways to kill him. Out of nowhere he asks with this sad puppy face "does this, you leaving like this, mean its over"
I feel like punching him for asking such a wrong question at such an wrong time in such a wrong way. I swear I felt like beating him to a bloddy pulp with a baseball bat for being so moronic. Instead I hold my head and tell him I'm not really thinking about consecuences right now and that I just wanna leave. Finally lets me go and as I close the door I tell him "see they are just a reaction" as the tears fall out of my eyes again (this time I dont know why it happened it just did).
That was almost a week ago. The day after and ever since, Ive talked to him on messenger as friends but kinda distant and called him once because I had no one to have lunch with (hating it for having to count on him once more) but he was going home. It's a standard thing now where u keep the interaction polite but not super friendly (I guess he's happy now, we are being all NORMAL now, I am normal now) and basically I dont think much of the public things have changed but all the private relationship stuff is gone
It sounds like this relationship is over, and it sounds like it's a very good thing that it is. Honestly, i'd be very upset if my partner told me he thought i was stupid too. If that's what he SAYS to me, what else is he thinking about me that he's NOT saying? Why would you want to be involved w/ someone who obviously thinks so little of you?
I've found that it's too hard to stick to taking a break (or a breakup) if you continue talking to the person. You need to process the anger and that's just too hard to do when you keep talking to him and he's making you angry over and over again. Stop talking to him. If you don't want him to email you, don't open his emails and don't respond to them. Just take a real break.
[This message has been edited by LilBlueSmurf (edited 10-01-2005).]
The problem is that hes my best friend and I can totally interact with him only on that level cuz I process feelings really fast (although I have noticed that this time I need a bit more time). But it seems that he cant do the same with me, becuase each time I act as friends he suddenly comes up with.. stuff like the aforementioned email.
It's like he's caught in this inertial boyfriend mode and he can't break free so he drags me into girlfriend mode. He takes each friendly interaction as a sign I wanna get back together and I dont, but if he starts saying he loves me an sht how the fck am I supposed to stay with my mind made up!!!.
I wanna break up with my boyfriend not my best friend... is this possible if they are the same guy? ...please tell me its not just a matter of time, that theres actaully something I can do to speed up the process. (He might suck a as a bf but hes a real good friend)
oh yea and to beppie... I quote: "It hurts so much when the person you love the most suddenly tells you that everything is wrong between the two, just when you thought everything was perfect"... no idea how on earth he thought things were perfect but I trully believe he did.
... Or am I just dramatic? I mean, weve only had 4 or 5 fights being together, 2 which u could call huge for our standard (compared to other people's Ive heard they r nothing) n never about something big. But he never did much for me and I'm the kind of person who doesnt like asking for stuff for herself or to b done 4 her. So u can guess where that lead to.
I found this as someones signature "ღNever try and change a loved one, diamonds are found not madeღ".. this is also why I never said much I didnt wanna forcehim to be a certain way just for me cuz thats too selfish.
So sorry for so many posts but I'm so confused about this!
Well, neither of us is a psychic, so we don't know what he really thought, but I know that it happens with some people (because I've done it myself in the past) that when you really want to hold onto something that isn't working, you can try telling yourself that things are perfect, over and over, as thought telling yourself this can make it so (which of course, it can't). However, it does make things more painful when all the imperfections come to the surface, especially if this results in a breakup.
It must be tough, given the situation that you have both been close friends for a long time, but it sounds like your ex really does need some time to cool off, and process what has happenned. People can be good friends with their exes (my boyfriend is friends with an ex of his), but generally, people need some time to process the fact that the romantic side of the relationship is over-- this takes a different amount of time for everyone. If you don't give this fellow the amount of time that he needs to get over things, then you really do risk losing everything. And while no one can make promises about the future, your chances of resuming your friendship are far greater if you give him that processing time.
[This message has been edited by Beppie (edited 10-01-2005).]
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