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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » When is it really over?

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Author Topic: When is it really over?
Member # 25406

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Geekygurl317     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have been with my current boyfriend for almost three years and our relationship has been an emotional roller coaster of good and bad! Although lately we have been hitting more bumps in the road. Since we have moved in together, he has grown to be more verbally abusive (name calling, especially the b-word) toward me but I fear that it's my own fault because I have a trash can for a mouth and he is talking like me. It's not like he is like this 100% of the time. He can be the charming Southern gent that swept me off my feet and I do love him with all of my heart but a couple weeks ago he had confessed to me that he had asked another girl for her phone number earlier in the day. Although he was sorry for what he did -- I couldn't get over how he just didn't stop to think about me or how I would feel. I am still hurt about it and I don't know what to do. Should I stick it out with my guy and wait for good times to come back again or move on? This is so hard for me to think about on my own. Someone please help...
Posts: 4 | From: Chicago, IL USA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1386

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Sounds like it's over. However, using crude language to your partner may simply be telling him that it is acceptable for him to use crude language as well.

One of our sexperts, Gumdrop Girl, has compiled a reality check for abusive relationships. Yoy should read it over to see if any of it applies to you:

The following information was given to me by a classmate of mine who works extensively with battered women, but it all applies to both men and women.

Read ths following and if you check two or more on this list, you are in a relationship that is not safe for you.
[] My partner is very jealous, gets jealous easily
[] My partner follows me around, checks up on me a lot
[] My partner tries to control how I dress or who I spend time with (friends, family, coworkers)
[] My partner yells, calls me names, puts me down
[] I hide things that I think would upset or anger my partner (phone numbers, letters, photos)
[] I am afraid to say no to sex
[] My partner threatens me, or has threatened me
[]My partner hits, throws or breaks things when angry
[] I am fraid to disagree with my partner
[] My partner has pushed, slapped, punched or otherwise hurt me
[]I feel like my partner's anger is my fault

And some links to check out if you think this applies to you and you need more help:
Break the Cycle - Empowering Youth to End Domestic Violence
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo

Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25406

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Thanks so much for the advice... I am heartbroken but I feel a lot better now knowing for sure that there is no reason to feel bad about ending it with my guy because I know now that it's really over. Thanks again.
Posts: 4 | From: Chicago, IL USA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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