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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » feeling that jealousness..

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Author Topic: feeling that jealousness..
Kisses Me Pink
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Ugh. Maybe more of a rant post, but since my boyfriend has started working (a few months ago), he's known this girl Astacia (soo not sure on how to spell her name.) It's not that I don't trust him, because I do. I know he'd never cheat on me and that he loves me. It's just every time he talks about her, I feel jealous. And it's so horrible cause he's never done anything to contribute to why I feel this way, other than talk about how he feels bad for her (apparently she has boyfriend issues, on and off, he's abusive, etc.) I can't expect him not to care. I know that. They're friends. But I've seen her. And it kills me that she's prettier and skinnier than me. Maybe just my own insecurities, but it hurts. I'm not even threatened by any other girls. It's just her. She's so pretty. And she's got a nicer body than me. And it's intimidating.

The worst part is I actually have talked to him about this, which I think was a bad idea. He simply told me that I have nothing to worry about. And I know I don't. But I just do...

Blah. Does anyone else suffer from inexplainable feelings that just shouldn't be there?


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The_Guardian
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"The worst part is I actually have talked to him about this, which I think was a bad idea"

That's one of the best things you did in fact! So never think that talking about a problem is a bad idea

When it comes to your insecurity well you seem to be very well aware of it, and you trust your boyfriend.

But do you love yourself enough to know that you deserve to be loved and cared for ?
Obviously you re comparing yourself to another girl, and of course it will never do any good for you.

I can tell you now, that beauty, and look, is VERY subjective, so don't spend time on meaningless comparison.

Be happy that your boyfriend likes you ! And be glad that he finds you attractive, not only by outside look, but also inside.
Guys aren't like on TV, they do care for more than just look.

You sould start believing in yourself, trusting yourself that you are and will be still attractive, nice, no matter how other girls look like, nor what they do.

I really doubt that your boyfriend will just leave you to have another girl that YOU think looks better than you.

Try to think positive about yourself! And ask your boyfriend what he did and where they were, it's no shame in doing that.
However don't make any assumptions, listen to what he has to say, it has an calming effect.

My girlfriend had and still has some jelousy issues, and I find that when she asks me what I did and where I was and listens to me, she becomes calmer. However if she is starting making assumptions and painting out diffrent scenarios and try to impose them on me, and telling me what I shouldn't or should do, then I'm the one that becomes sad.
So that's my experience

Hope things get better for ya


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baby87
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Hey. I'm a lot like you! But with me, it's not just ONE girl...it's with a few. I know that he won't cheat on me too, but I sometimes wonder if he can control who he likes. I mean, you really can't help it if you fall in love with someone else right? So i'm often very insecure too.

But I tell him when I feel that way. AT one point, I was bringing the matter up almost every week! ANd he always seems to be able to erase any insecurities for the time being. I think hearing your boyfriend say he still loves you and only you does help a lot. That is my opinion anyway!

But yeah, I feel the way you do a LOT. Until it makes me cry sometimes. There are so many charming girls out there, after all. But if he says he is faithful, then he is! That's my two cents, i guess. Just to let you know you're not the only one!


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Kisses Me Pink
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Ha, it is funny how you can feel so insecure about being the only one, yet whenever you talk to your boyfriend you automatically know he's not ever gonna leave you.

Sometimes I can't figure out if that's a good or bad thing..


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baby87
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I know. Especially since he dislikes talking on the phone, it sometimes makes me feel as if I'm forcing him to talk. So normally, the insecurities appear during those times. But it's true, when you're together...it's like you just know everything is fine.

Just wish I can stop feeling threatened, esp when he hangs out with his close girl friends. Sigh.


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golden_lily
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There are a couple of girls like that in my boyfriend's life. (4 come to mind for different reasons) I'm usually not a jealous person and I trust him, it's just THEM I don't trust. I don't mind most of his female friends, I even like a lot of them, but there are just a couple who are disrespectful of me and our relationship. They're girls who hang around him and flirt a lot and say things like "Oh your girlfriend lives so far away, you must be so lonely. You should come drinking at my house tonight and maybe stay the night?"

And most of them are ex-girlfriends who are more his (physical) type than I am and that's kind of intimidating, I know what you mean about that.

Talking to your boyfriend's probably the smartest thing you could've done. Since he loves you and cares about you, you should be able to talk about stuff like that. I hope you work something. Hopefully the jealousy will fade for you (and me!) soon.


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Baby-Joka
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I'm loads like you. i've been seeing this guy for quite a long time and he's always talking to other girls, the only thing is i know he actually likes them cause he brags about it in front of me which hurts me alot. i think he's just using me for pleasure? i know i sound stupid cause were only seeing each other but it hurts me cause the other girls that he goes for are alot skinnier than me and that gets me down and start harming myself over it.
sometimes he nags me into doing things that i don't really want to do cause i don't feel comfortable with it cause i was abused when i was younger.
Has anybody got any advice for me cause i need help?

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Kisses Me Pink
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quote:
Originally posted by Baby-Joka:
I'm loads like you. i've been seeing this guy for quite a long time and he's always talking to other girls, the only thing is i know he actually likes them cause he brags about it in front of me which hurts me alot. i think he's just using me for pleasure? i know i sound stupid cause were only seeing each other but it hurts me cause the other girls that he goes for are alot skinnier than me and that gets me down and start harming myself over it.
sometimes he nags me into doing things that i don't really want to do cause i don't feel comfortable with it cause i was abused when i was younger.
Has anybody got any advice for me cause i need help?


Yes. Dump him. Unless you want to try talking to him about how much it hurts you...it really isn't worth it. You're only hurting yourself by being with him.

I'm annoyed tons by people like him. Especially if they know what they're doing and continue doing it anyway.


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