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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » He's so shy...

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Author Topic: He's so shy...
Member # 23469

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About three months ago I developed a huge crush on this guy, and about a month and a half ago he asked me out. Imagine how happy I was, and still am! He's the ideal boyfriend in everyway, we've become the talk of the school (We're both very unique, stand-out-ish people that nobody suspected would ever find love) and everybody is jealous of how great things have been going.

The only problem is: He is so damn timid! I've had one boyfriend before, and he was very dominant. He initiated the first hug, first kiss, and had no problem reaching out to hold my hand in public or things like that. However Kevin (my current bf) is terrified to touch me... even such small things as a simple hug, or putting his arm around me. He definately isn't this shy around his friends, even girl-friends. In fact, hes known to be totally outgoing and crazy. Its got me wondering when the first kiss will be coming.

Some mutual friends of ours have been doing some "spy" work for me, and asking him subliminally why he hasn't kissed me yet, and everytime he says something to the effect of "But how do I know she wants to be kissed? Its disrespectful if she doesn't want it!!". Now, I am definately his equal in shyness, I dont think I'd ever be able to just tell him, or initiate the first kiss. I've kissed him on the cheek a few times before, as a hint, but he's not picking up on any of them!

I have a few questions for you, the first being how to get him to finally kiss me, and the second being how can I get him over this shy persona whenever he is around me?

(PS, I am his first girlfriend. I know this has something to do with his shyness towards me, and probably timidness to kiss)

Posts: 8 | From: chicago IL | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 21717

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I've been going out with my first gf for about 2 months now, and we havn't even come into contact with each other yet. The main reason why i'm so reluctant to hold her hand, hug her etc in public is because i havn't had a gf before, and i'm not sure of whats normal and/or i guess seince your the "experienced one" you should take the initiative to make the first move!

Hmm...U know, your Kevin sounds a lot like me! Because i find it really hard to get a convo flowing in public and i'm pretty quiet...(damn i hate awkward silences) anyway, i've noticed that as time passes, my gf and i are becoming more talkative and relaxed when together, so...i guess it's just a matter of time before Kevin will become less shy around you. And if he doesn't then casually talking to him in private about his quietness could help...but just be patient

Posts: 32 | From: Melbourne | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 22679

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I was in the same position as you guys, except as the guy. I'm with my girlfriend of 3 months and it got better. I was really terrified that she'd magically pull out the pepperspray if I went too fast, and held off for a while. But as I realized she was comfortable with my advances, things got much better.

My advice: initiate the first touches. Although I'm a guy and there are "gender roles" or some nonsense like that, I initiated everything but the first real kiss. My girl eventually went for it and I was really surprised! And communication really helps.

Posts: 86 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23420

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well... u could try to talk to him your self and be brave not shy, cuz shyness really gets you nowhere, i know i was. so try talking to him and ask him seriously. BELIEVE me relationships are based on communication, trust and truth.
try it and good luck!

Posts: 28 | From: Hamilton | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jenna D.
Member # 18964

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How about YOU kiss HIM? You could be kinda corny/cute, get into a 'moment' (I'm sure you know the kind), and then say, 'is it okay if I kiss you now?' Then he'll know that you DO want to kiss, but you're still being polite and respectful (something he seems to value), and I'm sure the rest will follow. Talking and being open about yourself, too, and asking related questions about him, will help him open up around you.
Posts: 72 | From: Scarborough, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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