So a week from saturday my boyfriend and i called it quits! We had been together for 1 year and 2 months, things were rocky but we vowed to work through them! He then called me and said that its not gonna work and broke up with me! I assumed something was up because otherwise he wouldn't just leave. Being a very independent person, I was upset for about a day, but learned quickly to move on. A week later I found out that he is now dating one of my friends. Everyone's telling me she is not my friend for doing this, but I am not an angry person. I have never been more upset over this than anything. I haven't eaten in 3 days. My stomach is constantly upset, and I just feel blah! Since this happened on saturday, I vowed not to talk to either of them because it just pains me! Can anyone help me on dealing with this, he was my first love?
Oh sweetie. Breakups are tough, aren't they? I would be pretty upset if I were you...your friend is being (in my opinion) pretty insensitive to your feelings. It's probably a good idea just not to see either one of them for a few weeks, give yourself time to recover (whatever helps with that...take long walks, write in a journal, write letters to your ex you'll never send, watch funny movies, eat ice cream, take up a new hobby, spend time with other friends, etc.)
If you still want to keep up a friendship with your friend (not sure if I would, but that's just me) give it a few weeks and then talk to her about how you're feeling. But don't do it now, the whole situation is too new and you'll likely end up even more upset. Take some time and calm yourself down first.
Oh, and I know how it feels to be so upset you can't eat....but lack of food tends to make a bad situation worse, so what might help is just eating things that are really easy to digest, like soda crackers, applesauce, Jello is a personal favourite of mine, you get the idea. Popsicles are also good, they get your blood sugar up pretty quickly if you haven't eaten in awhile.
i wouldn't talk to either of them ever again either. especially due to your situation. but i don't find it appropriate for people to stay friends with ex's period. i really feel it's just not necessary. i hate breakups and heaven forbid i go through another. you will pull through it and a relationship of that long won't go to waste either. everything makes us stronger and everything happends for a reason.
Posts: 25 | Registered: Aug 2004
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You know, FoxLover, lots of people end up being frieds with their exes, because it's normative for relationships to change over time. Many feel there's just no good reason to trash a whole relationship because one part of it is no longer active or working. And generally, the older you get, the longer you're in a relationship, generally the more two people are inclined to stay friends.
A good example of this is how awful some lives would be if couples who were parenting together just tossed every interaction out the window when the romantic aspect of their relationship went kaput: that tends to be a lousy deal for everyone.
But I *would* beg the question as to why, Chica, your friend didn't ask you/tell you about this before she went into a relationship with your ex, especially SO quickly.
(And certainly, it's also normative and usually smart to take some time away from an ex before nurturing a platonic friendship or even considering such, especially in a scenario like this, where you aren't going to be sure either of these people are trustworthy.)
i know alot of people stay friends with their ex's and in some cases i just think it's pointless. if you aren't getting anything out of the friendship, and you don't really care about the 'friend' then why not just call it quits? makes sense to me. besides some ex's aren't even worth staying friends with. and maybe they just cause too much friction. who knows. i just don't like it and i don't do it myself.
Posts: 25 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Well, certainly, if the friendship is ALSO a tanked part of the relationship, that's sensible.
But for many people in healthy relationships, friendship isn't something new to be made, it was part of the relatonship already, and if the sexual and/or romantic aspect fizzles out or moves on, the friendship needn't have gone with it.
But yes: for people only IN a relationship for the romantic or sexual aspect where there WAS no friendship or want of same, there won't likely be much to be found afterwards. But then, there likely then wasn't much there during that relationship, either.
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