I work in the pharmacy department and I have to go to the nursing floors. There is this male nurse that has always talked to me and was friendly to me.

But recently he has been touching and complimentling me. He has never done till he found out my age(21). He has been giving me hugs where no one can see us when he says hi to me and has been saying you look pretty or pretty in pink. He also went over to me leaning really close to my right side and put the side of his head to mine and whispered shes so cute. Then the next day he said hows that cute pharmacy tech. He has been noticing that I have gotten new scrubs wheich he has never done before.

He will also pat the small of my back when passing me from behind. Yesterday when I was refilling the med machine my back was towards him but I looked out of the coner of my eye and he was staring at me with this spacey look on his face and when I went to reach for something his eyes went to my butt for almost a minuet.

The thing is he is much older than me. He is almost 40. Dose he like me or is he just being friendly? The thing that I find strange is that he never did any of this to me till he knew my age. I look much younger than I really am. What should I do about the hugging, touching, and complimenting? I'm not uncomfortable about with it I just don't know want to get fired for the way he is acting toward me. From all the attention I'm getting a crush towards him. Should I pursure him? I'm really confused about the whole situation. Thanks

Or it could just be that he likes you and is shy, but why not ask him directly if you two could go on a date or something? Then you would know how he feels, plain and simple, without all the "what-ifs" that are going on right now.

I don't think it would have any more lasting power. All relationships at any poing can have the same issues.

Although this kind of age gap isn't always a bad thing, it is almost always a bad thing.

It really doesn't sound like innocent flirting to me.

As I said, direct questions to him might be a good idea.

You just need to ask him if he likes you. Why? Etc...

You: "Hi."
Him: "Hi."
You: "So, you've been hitting on me recently. Tell me what you see in me and why."

(And like he sure doesn't value his job much: patting your fellow employees, whispering in that maner in mny workplaces is considered harassment and can get you canned.)

As to your other question:

Again, mainly my gut reaction.

But likely why I had that reaction is that from everything you've desicbed so far, this guy has been touchy at work, whispery, talked about how cute or pretty you are, your appearance, but I haven't seen a single reference to him addressing anything BUT your appearance.

Moreover, if we like someone, esp. at work, rather than hitting on them endlessly there, we ask them out to coffee to actually find out about the (appropriately), so we can discover more than what they look like and how cute they are in their uniform. We also do that to have an inkling of consideration for respecting that hey are in a work environment.

But when a person of ANY age seems to only be addressing what you look like, and doing so in what appears to be a pretty inappropriate manner, without any address of all the other aspects of who you are, it's often safe to assume their interest in you is likely surface or only sexual.

The best analogy (comparison) I can make to that is if I started to want every job I was offered, just because they offered it to me, even if that meant I'd make 50 cents an hour, have to work 20 hour days, and have a four-hour commute each way.

You follow?

Plenty of people in your life will likely like how you look and will come on to you. Sounds to me like you might have some self-esteem issues brewing, or just be unaware that someone interested in YOU should be interested in the whole you, and you in the whole them, NOT just because they're interested in part of you, but because something about them (and really, lots of somethings) besides their interest is vastly compelling.

Surface means superficial, in essence. If I only care about how someone looks (or that they're compliant or I interpret them as such), not about who they are, I'm not going to be interested in much more than looking at them, or having (likely veryo one-sided) sex with them because without all those others areas of interest, to quote Peggy Guggenheim, there's just no THERE there.

If this guy DOES respond well to you asking him to act like a fellow employee at work, if he DOES start asking about the whole of you, if he expresses interest or action beyond "you're so cute," or nearly patting your backside AND you have interest in him beyond his interest in you, then by all means, consider pursuing this.

But if ALL of those things aren't happening? You're looking at a big dead end.

Saying something, good idea.

She's not the one doing it, after all, he is.

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One LJ To Rule Them All

The Blog That Tries Really Hard Not to be a Blog

Boundaries are pretty important for our well-being.

So, if we let just anyone, anywhere, be really touchy with us, hit on us all the time, and we do not feel ABLE to make boundaries, either from lack of assertiveness, and/or because we feel ANY attention is good attention, that's probelmatic.

It sounds like you like your job, and want to keep working there, but from what you have said you worry about how this might all be handled if you did talk with a supervisor about this situation. It is true that nearly all hospitals, no matter what size, frown on relationships between staff, as well as having rules to protect staff from unwanted or inappropriate touching. You might check the hospital policy and procedure manual.
The Human resources department may be a great place to go too, as most hospitals, and nursing homes have some for of EAP, or employee assistance program.

You can go to an EAP counselor and talk, completely privately, and they can help you sort through what is happening at work with you, as well as helping you deal with your rather confusing feelings. They also will be able to help you stay out of trouble with the policies that might address your situation. Because these services are provided by law they have to follow certain rules, and the biggest rule is the one that protects you the best. That is that you have the right to privacy about this, and how the situation is dealt with. Everything you tell the EAP counselor has some legal protection to keep you and your job from trouble.

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One LJ To Rule Them All

The Blog That Tries Really Hard Not to be a Blog

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We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

So no, not doing anything clearly doesn't work.

The same advice above apllies: you need to find ways to create boundaries with other people and draw limits and assert yourself. Even if this wasn't going on, you'd need to learn that: life without being able to do so tends to be very difficult, often hurtful, and sometimes, terribly dangerous.

So, see what you can't do just to say a simple sentence like the one above. perhaps leaving him a note instead of saying something? Perhaps asking for help from a fellow co-worker?