Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » nothing big just want input

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: nothing big just want input
dreamchic72
Activist
Member # 18107

Icon 2 posted      Profile for dreamchic72     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My ex and I have been apart now for about 7 months, but have kept in contact most of that time. When we were together I was very controlling and that's the main reason it ended. I saw my mistakes and have changed but he is still scared that if we get back together it will be a replay of our old relationship. The last 2 weeks we got pretty close. We spent a lot of time together and started hooking up on a regular basis again.

One night his best friend was having a party and Chris didnt want me to go even though he was going because I had hooked up with him over summer and Chris was still hurt about it. All of my friends were going and I didnt see a reason not to go since I wouldn't be doing anything bad so I went.

After that Chris became very distant and stopped calling. I found out he was hanging out with a girl he had been hooking up with this summer. I know she means nothing to him because he has told me and other ppl have told me the same thing but it still made me angry.

I called him and talked to him, he said he hadnt called me because he was mad about the thing with his friend and because he thought I was acting like a girlfriend and thought we were together over the last 2 wks. I told him I knew we werent back together and asked him if he was just scared that if we did get back together things would be the same, he said yes. I told him I didnt want him hooking up with other girls at the same time as me and we agreed to not hook up anymore and just be friends for now.

I know the feelings are still there for him although maybe not as strong as they used to be. I just wanted to know what u guys think about this situation. If my choice of being just friends right now sounds like the right thing to do. He said he doesnt want to be back together, then he said right now. I think he does want to eventually but do you guys think being just friends right now will help? instead of being in between and hooking up?


Posts: 55 | From: Orlando, FL, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
darknight14
Neophyte
Member # 20220

Icon 1 posted      Profile for darknight14     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If he's hooking up with other girls then why would anyone want to hook-up with a guy that you know is hooking-up with another girl? Don't worry, your doing the right thing.
Posts: 24 | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dreamchic72
Activist
Member # 18107

Icon 5 posted      Profile for dreamchic72     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I guess youre right, I shouldn't be hooking up with him if he's hooking up with someone else. Its now been a week since we last talked and I'm really nervous that he got scared and isn't talking to me now. He has commitment issues from what I can see because we just got into college and he wants freedom and because I was such a needy girlfriend he assumes it will be the same. I want to wait until he calls again but when he does what would be the best approach to get closer to him without scaring him off. I know the reason he is with this new girl is because he can be with her no strings attached and because he's not into her he can be with her without having to be scared of hurting her feelings like he is with me.
Posts: 55 | From: Orlando, FL, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dreamchic72
Activist
Member # 18107

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dreamchic72     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Just a quick update. Its now been a little over 2 weeks since we last spoke. I'm really confused as to why he isn't calling me when we got so close before. I guess I scared him away? I'm really depressed about it. Any input is welcome. I just really want him to call, do you think he will?
Posts: 55 | From: Orlando, FL, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
smilee_kylie
Activist
Member # 20046

Icon 1 posted      Profile for smilee_kylie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think the best thing you can do right now is move on. Use the space you have from to get rid of those feelings. I know you still feel something for him, but obviously nothing is going to happen between you and he's made that pretty clear. Guys don't like it when they're generally trying not to talk to someone, or not making an effort to talk to someone and suddenly they are on their back getting all worried saying, 'why aren't you talking to me?'. Spend time with your other friends. Go out and meet other people. Its the best things for you. Especially since it has been 7 months. You really need to let go of these feelings. Its the best thing for you and him.
Posts: 58 | From: Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dreamchic72
Activist
Member # 18107

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dreamchic72     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Easier said than done. I do go out with my friends and do lots of other things. I know people don't like to be hounded with questions of "why arent you talking to me" which is exactly why I havent called him in the past two weeks but doesn't the fact that we are still attracted to each other and care about each other after 7 months of being apart say anything to you? Its a little harsh to say we have no chance of ever being together again. I just think that completely forgetting about something that was good and letting go of it would be bad. Shouldn't you go after what you want? We never cheated on each other, we treated each other with respect and now he needs space to see what else is out there, he knows that with me things are more commited and right now he doesn't want that because he just got into college. When we broke up he even said "I just wish I had met you later in life."I just want to find a way to stay in his life without scaring him off right now. I want us to keep in contact and be friends and if something develops later down the road that's great but really I just don't want to lose him as a part of my life. For a year and a half he was my best friend and its hard for me to let go of that.
Posts: 55 | From: Orlando, FL, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dreamchic72
Activist
Member # 18107

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dreamchic72     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know I'm going to get alot of grief about this, but it happened again. He slept with me and hasn't called since. I'm truly heartbroken. He said he would call me again and I was crazy to think he wouldn't. Where did I go wrong? Its been 2 weeks tonight...I guess that's a while to wait for a call.
Posts: 55 | From: Orlando, FL, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dreamchic72
Activist
Member # 18107

Icon 13 posted      Profile for dreamchic72     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Its now been 3 weeks, I'm not going to call but I'm scared not to talk to him. My dad says I shouldn't call him and when he calls to play hard to get, but if I do that will I be giving the other girl a chance to get closer. Is it better to fight for him by trying to get closer to him, or by creating distance and making him miss me?
Posts: 55 | From: Orlando, FL, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

Icon 1 posted      Profile for -Jill     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm not sure why you want him around?

Regardless of how he treated you when you were dating he doesn't appear to be treating you very well at all right now. From here it looks like he's using you actually.

I think it would be a very good idea to decide that you will not be with him anymore. That looks like it's the case anyway but if you can make the decision not to persue him you'll be much better off.

It's not a matter of playing hard to get, it's that you deserve to have your feelings respected and someone who will be honest about his feelings. I don't think you're going to get that from him and I don't think giving this relationship another chance would do anything but hurt you.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3