Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Jealous Boyfriend Trouble

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Jealous Boyfriend Trouble
CMTFlovesHAH
Activist
Member # 12774

Icon 9 posted      Profile for CMTFlovesHAH     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey as you can tell I have a question about my boyfriend.

You see, I have been friends with my friend Jeremy for almost eight years and he is totally a friend. I mean he's the guy you talk about stupid things (like snot and farting) with and just laugh, just a guy friend. And I have to say he's not the brightest crayon in the box. Once I asked him where the pizza pan was and he said, "What's a pizza pan." He was 14 years old at that time. Needless to say he has been very sheltered by his parents. He's an only child as well. But my point is he is just a friend, and he can have some blonde moments. And he is kinda gay acting as well. Which there is nothing wrong with that I was just saying.

Well, now to my boyfriend. He as well as I can get jealous. If he goes out with a friend even with a guy friend I get jealous but I know if he were to go out with a girl (said to be friend or not) I would be VERY jealous and upset. But I don't go to high school anymore because I graduated and Jeremy is still in eleventh grade. So I don't see him much. And he's been my friend and his family has been very nice to me and fed me and bought me presents. I feel that's it's the least thing I can do is if he is bored and asks me to go out to go out with him for a few hours. I feel obligated, and I feel that that would just be rude to just cut him off after the friend he has been. I also feel I need to be around him because I think I teach him things that he doesn't know and that might help him in his life.

My boyfriend gets very jealous when I go out with Jeremy. He says that people think that Jeremy is my boyfriend when we go out which was confirmed when Jeremy and I were on the way to the mall and some guys in a car said to him that he had a nice looking girlfriend, referring to me. And my boyfriend is dead set on that no matter what guy it is, the guy will look or be in some way attracted to the girl "FRIEND". So my boyfriend gets mad and upset, that Jeremy might be looking at me or is attracted to me. And that Jeremy is doing things with me that he should be doing with me not Jeremy. So he calls my friend names, and says that maybe if he didn't act so gay he would have some friends and he wouldn't have to call on me anymore to go out. Or that people like Jeremy are going to be stupid and live off of his parents the rest of his life. He also slams things around and looks almost if he is going to cry. He said, "You know I don't like that and you did it anyway." But he goes out places with school, ROTC, his family, and church. Way more than I get out. So it's kinda not fair that he gets to go out so much and when I go out he gets furious about it.

True I would get sad and upset if he went out with someone and would want to be out with him instead of those people but I don't call those people he goes out with names or anything.

Why does he get so upset? Why is he SO protective (even though I am the same way)? Is it true that boys that are friends with girls are attracted to them in some way? What should we do about our jealously? And what should I tell my boyfriend about my relationship with Jeremy? I mean unless the "Jeremy's attracted to me thing" is true how do I say HEY he's just my friend and no more?


Posts: 76 | From: NC, USA | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BurningRoses03
Activist
Member # 15738

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BurningRoses03     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wow girl, I have been in that situation before. Except that my friend Victoria was like that because she was insecure..I've always thought that when someone gets so pissed like your boyfriend is, that he's very insecure about you hanging out with your friend. Your boyfriend feels insecure about your feelings for him so he thinks that Jeremy means more to you. I hope that makes some sense, lol.

I know tons of my guy friends that think I'm very pretty but only think of me in a platonic way! That's not true what your boyfriend said..boys and girls CAN be just friends.

If you want to clear things up, talk with Jeremy about why you two are such great friends..tell him that your boyfriend suspects something and you just want to make sure things are on a platonic level. And if Jeremy thinks of you more, than you'll have to cross that bridge then..but until you find the answer, no sense in "crossing" it yet, lol! Good luck girl!

------------------
"I swear that I can go on forever, again, Please let me know that my one bad day will end. I will go down as your lover, your friend. Give me your lips and with one kiss, we begin."- Blink182 *I'm Lost Without You*


Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CMTFlovesHAH
Activist
Member # 12774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CMTFlovesHAH     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Okay thanks but may I have an experts advice please.
Posts: 76 | From: NC, USA | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
Activist
Member # 3072

Icon 3 posted      Profile for BruinDan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by CMTFlovesHAH:
Okay thanks but may I have an experts advice please.

You know darlin', things like that make people less likely to help you in the future. Additionally, not many of us could easily be considered "experts" in something like this, because not many of us have dated ROTC cadets who walk around pejoratively calling people they are jealous of "gay." So please, be patient and try to use a little tact every now and then. It will make all of our lives easier.

As far as your relationship goes, you've got some decisions to make. Do you want to keep spending time with this friend? Are you willing to do that while knowing it will create problems in your relationship? Do you want to stay in a relationship with someone who treats your friend so rudely? It's very easy for any of us here to make a judgement call on exactly what you should or should not do, but until you answer those questions for yourself and take action, you'll get nothing accomplished here.

It is true that folks of all kinds can manage platonic relationships, it is also true that mates can sometimes get jealous over friends you may have. It's only natural for such things to crop up sometime, and it's all in how you handle it. By putting his foot down and calling your friend names, your boyfriend is not handling things well. However, by rationalizing things in your "he gets to go out so why can't I?" method, I'd argue that you might not be handling things so well either.

The idea here is to talk this out, find out what can be done, and go from there. I can see that you've tried to have this conversation before and it has no tbeen successful, and so you are going to need to set limits. You'll have to have this conversation again, and if it is not successful this time around, figure out what you'd like to do from there. Personally, I'd advise against being in a relationship with anyone who slams things around, and I'd advise you to think long and hard about being with someone like that is worthwhile.

Now is the time to ask yourself those questions above and figure out where you'd like to go. Not the easiest thing in the world to do, but it has to be done sometime. Good luck!

------------------
BruinDan, "Not Quite Morrissey," PHOM

¡Siendo padrote no es cil!


Posts: 2727 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CMTFlovesHAH
Activist
Member # 12774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CMTFlovesHAH     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I Love my boyfriend end of story.
Posts: 76 | From: NC, USA | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
Activist
Member # 961

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Milke     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So?
It's best not to ask for advice if you're not comfortable receiving it. You don't need to agree with how other people feel, but you have an obligation to be pleasant about it.

------------------
Milke, with an L, Mrs BD to you, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, WAOTA

We can't rewind, we've gone too far


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

Icon 1 posted      Profile for logic_grrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
I Love my boyfriend end of story.

Nobody said you didn't love him.

But loving someone doesn't mean passively putting up with whatever they dish out.

Demanding that you don't have any male friends, and slamming things around when you do anything he "doesn't like" is not exactly great behaviour. And clearly you're not happy with it, or you wouldn't have posted this in the first place.

So if you love your boyfriend enough to want to have a healthy relationship with him, it's time to sit down and have an honest discussion with him about these issues.


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BurningRoses03
Activist
Member # 15738

Icon 4 posted      Profile for BurningRoses03     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Exactly what Logic said. You really shouldn't put up with just any behaviour just because you love him. If he was pyshically hurting you, is that right just because you love him? I'm just trying to make a point, no offence to anyone!

------------------
"I swear that I can go on forever, again, Please let me know that my one bad day will end. I will go down as your lover, your friend. Give me your lips and with one kiss, we begin."- Blink182 *I'm Lost Without You*


Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bubblez
Activist
Member # 6837

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bubblez     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
wow honey if thats how defensive you get maybe your boyfriend has a reason for being jealous.... are you like that with him
Posts: 63 | From: australia | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CMTFlovesHAH
Activist
Member # 12774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CMTFlovesHAH     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You all are blowing this way out of proportion here. When I said slam stuff around, he was work and slammed a trash can down on the floor while he was taking the trash bag out. He would never physically hurt me, how did that come up anyway? I don't want to be mean but every time I come here people get on my case. I feel like not getting any advice is better than people getting on me like this. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. I friends are at college, my boyfriend is at school, I don't have a job right now, and my Mom is never here. I guess I'll have to deal with stuff on my own. I am sorry if I have upset you all.
Posts: 76 | From: NC, USA | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BurningRoses03
Activist
Member # 15738

Icon 9 posted      Profile for BurningRoses03     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wow, I didn't realise I was blowing things out of proportion. I'm truly sorry if I offend you, not that you offended us. When I myself said 'physically hurting you', I meant if he started to that would be another thing. I'm confusing, lol.

------------------
"I swear that I can go on forever, again, Please let me know that my one bad day will end. I will go down as your lover, your friend. Give me your lips and with one kiss, we begin."- Blink182 *I'm Lost Without You*


Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
Activist
Member # 3072

Icon 3 posted      Profile for BruinDan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by CMTFlovesHAH:
I don't want to be mean but every time I come here people get on my case. I feel like not getting any advice is better than people getting on me like this.

I'm sorry darlin', but one must remember that conversations are somewhat different on a webboard. It is difficult here to gauge sarcasm, and tone is everything. Defensiveness shines through, agitation comes across loud and clear, and condescension is a big red flag. All of those things are easy to spot, and easier to misconstrue. So please know that nobody is trying to jump on you here, it's just a bit difficult sometimes to gauge how somebody is intending to come across. (You can help that by being careful with what you post, it's something we all need to work on every now and then).

------------------
BruinDan, "Not Quite Morrissey," PHOM

¡Siendo padrote no es cil!


Posts: 2727 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CMTFlovesHAH
Activist
Member # 12774

Icon 10 posted      Profile for CMTFlovesHAH     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thank You all very much for clearing this up. I feel much better now.
Posts: 76 | From: NC, USA | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3