Iíve known this girl for around 4 months know, and weíve become good friends. About 2 months ago, we went on this weekend with some other friends and we kissed, but that was the end of it, I mean, I thought, as she did, that it was just some fling we had and that nothing would really come out of it. But, the thing is that very recently she told me she liked me. We had got to know each other and had spent some time together. The problem is, even though Iíve tried, I donít really like her, I mean, I donít really see her as more than just a friend. A friend of mine said to give it a try, hoping that, maybe, I would eventually like her. So, Iíve asked her out and weíve been sort of dating for a while but, to be honest, I still look at her as just a friend, a great person but romantically speaking I donít really feel anything for her. I mean, when you like someone you just know it, and just being around that person or seeing her feels so great, but with this girl, I just donít get that feeling. So, I donít really know what to do. I could keep on going out with her, hoping that maybe, eventually, Iíll like her but what if I realise I simply donít like her and just out of nowhere break everything up? I mean, I donít want to hurt her. Or should I stop everything right now? I would end up alone, something of which Iím fed up but maybe thatís better than going out just for the sake of it. Or is it possible to actually develop feelings for someone, out of nowhere? I hope Iím not bothering you too much with this, but any advice would be great. Thanks
Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2003
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Honestly if you don't have feelings for her you have to break it off. Basically right now you are leading her on and in the end that will make things worse if the relationship continues on because the longer you are together the more likely it is that she will become more attatched to you if she really likes you.
You say you don't want to hurt her but you can't help it if you just aren't romantically attracted to someone, some things just aren't meant to be. My advice would be to sit her down and talk to her and tell her you feelings and that you don't want to hurt her but that you only like her as a friend. It might come as a shock, or possibly hurt her, but it's better than leading her on for a long period of time and then breaking it off then.
Also one thing I might have to add, it isn't fair to someone to keep them around just for the sake of 'not wanting to be alone' and just for the sake of having a girlfriend.
I agree with Celery, it really is for the better if you break up with her. You're not doing her a favor and you're not doing yourself a favor by continuing to date. My sister just tried dating a guy we go to school with, it really didn't work because she said it was like dating a friend, there was no romantic link whatsoever. When you're alone I know how tough it is and you want to force love to happen but under those circumstances it won't. Just let it happen naturally, it WILL come along, just wait and see.
Posts: 4 | Registered: Nov 2003
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youre just leading her on!! Dont do that! Tell her you just see her as friend and thats it.. that maybe youll develop dating feelings for her one day...but you dont have them now. If you keep doing this then it'll just hurt her more later. I dont really think youll get feelings for her later if you dont have them now. Just keep being friends with her and maybe youll get <i>those</i> feelings for her - maybe you wont. But at least you still have a good friend. **Good Luck**
Posts: 29 | From: Augusta, Georgia, USA | Registered: Nov 2003
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I agree that she's being led on, but I know it's hard to break up with anybody.
quote:maybe youll develop dating feelings for her one day...but you dont have them now.
In my opinion it would be better to not give her ANY false hope at ALL. It'll make her feel worse in the long run, believe me. When breaking up with somebody who really likes you unrequitedly it's really better for both parties if you make it absoloutely clear how you feel about them. It'll just make it easier for her to move on if she has that kind of closure. Of couse, she can always console herself by saying "well, maybe he'll like me later," but in this situation it wouldn't be your position to say that to her yourself, because you just don't know and by saying that you'd still be leading her on.
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