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Hi, I'm a 19 year old female and I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We live together and plan to get married eventually. Well, instead of making this into a really long story, I'll just make it short and sweet. Okay, I love him with all my heart, but lately I've been at my wit's end. Okay, in most aspects he's a WONDERFUL boyfriend, I mean, he takes care of me, treats me good, and is a fantastic sexual partner, but it's just "ugh" right now. I don't know if we are spending too much time together, but when we live together what do you expect, ya know? Anyhow, he goes out with his friend all night, until the sun rises, and when he leaves he says, "I'll be right back." He leaves me in the house all alone all night and I don't feel safe. I know he loves me, but sometimes it feels like he only wants to be with me when he wants to get off. I don't know. I'm also very scared that he's not as serious about this as I am. I mean, I want to make a life with him and I don't want to waste my time if he doesn't want to. He tells me that this is what he wants and that he loves me, but I'm really scared that he's doubting his love for me and his feelings. Am I just over reacting about this or is there really something wrong? I could really use some advice. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Take care.
-Tahuiarl
Posts: 17 | From: Pasadena, Texas, USA | Registered: Oct 2003
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I'm sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend are going through a rough patch right now. I think a fair few of us have been there before, and it's never fun!
I must say though, I'm not keen on living with someone who is prone to pulling a disappearing act. And how on earth is he able to stay out all night?! I must be getting old...the days of me staying up and raising hell in the dorms are long gone, I'm more likely to be snoring loudly at 2am than doing anything else. In all seriousness though, have you told him how much it bothers you when he stays out until dawn? That in and of itself might not be so bad, but telling someone you will "be right back" as you promptly vanish for the duration of the night seems particularly problematic to me. If I were you, I'd bring that up and let him know you're not pleased with it.
Everything else seems to me to be a byproduct of that. The fact that he implicitly promises to be home soon and routinely fails to keep that promise leads you to wonder what other sorts of promises he may break, or what other sorts of things he fails to take seriously. Obviously I am simplifying things a bit, but I do think things like this run hand-in-hand. And when you tackle one issue like this, you will be able to pin down other issues that are related.
So have that talk! Let him know how you feel, and see if you can get a clearer picture of what's going on upstairs with the guy. Find out how he's feeling, see if you two are on the same page in terms of your relationship, maybe even find out if there is anything you can do to help him along. Being proactive is a big thing in a relationship, and I'm a big believer in it. Try it out for me and let me know how it goes, would ya? Good luck!
I think that you are absolutely right BruinDan. I don't want something so petty to ruin our relationship. Thank you so muchf for your advice. I will definately have that little talk with him and let him know how I feel. Thank you so much.
Santiana, umm... hire a private detective? Maybe if I had the money, and if I really didn't trust him, but I don't really think that'd be a good solution. Thanks anyway though.
Thanks again, Tahuiarl
Posts: 17 | From: Pasadena, Texas, USA | Registered: Oct 2003
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In all seriousness though, have you told him how much it bothers you when he stays out until dawn? That in and of itself might not be so bad, but telling someone you will "be right back" as you promptly vanish for the duration of the night seems particularly problematic to me. If I were you, I'd bring that up and let him know you're not pleased with it.
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