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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Taken advantage of?

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Author Topic: Taken advantage of?
Member # 12710

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Tonight, just in the past hour, one of my best friends, who is a 19 year old male(im 15 year old female), and I were sitting outside on some steps by one of the playgrounds near my house, and talking. We were talking about lots of stuff and my most recent ex, who used me "for the kicks" Darren's(my best friend) words and was abusive towards me.

While we were talking about this he hugged and held me, and I just felt so safe in his arms. He asked me if I was afraid to look him in the face because while we were talking about my ex, I was either staring at the ground, or my hands. He tilted my head up so we were looking face to face, and we both smiled. He kissed my forehead,and started stroking the side of my face, and I kinda tensed. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I was kinda afraid to look him in face because i was afraid he would kiss me. I told him that everything i had gone through with my ex, had all started with a tiny kiss on my cheek. He told me he would never kiss me because he wanted my first kiss to be special(my first consensual kiss anyway) but wouldn't mind if I kissed him because he had half-admitted to having feeling for me previous to this.

I'm not sure if I really have a reason, but I feel almost taken advantage of. He is my best friend but the last relationship I was in wasn't the only abusive relationship I have had. My very first boyfriend,when I was twelve, was also abusive, and my dad is abusive. I was wondering if anyone thought I have any reason to feel taken advantage of, even though I trust Darren with my life.

Any advice or opinions are welcome.


"I don't wanna be you" -Good Charlotte from "the Anthem"
"Who I am is who I want to be" -Reba MacIntire

Posts: 93 | From: Alberta, Canada | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15200

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i don't really see why you would feel taken advantage of if he didn't actually kiss you... obviously Darren genuinely cares for you and respects you deeply, and doesn't want to force anything on you... i would understand you feeling awkward if you don't reciprocate his feelings toward you, and of course you are entitled to feel however it is that you feel, but i don't really think there is any cause for you to feel taken advantage of. if you don't return Darren's affections, then tell him that. if he keeps bothering you about him, let it know that it makes you feel taken advantage of, and then i suspect he would stop pushing you. if he makes you uncomfortable, you can always stop hanging out with him.... it's all up to you, but right now i don't think it's really anything to worry about.

i would advise you to talk to somebody older - a therapist or school counselor or something along those lines - about all of the abuse... they'll be able to give you some advice on how to deal with what you've been through and help you to get better with the whole trust thing.

Posts: 18 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15249

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I agree, I don't think he intended you to feel uncomfortable at all. He obviously cares about you very much as a friend, and is interested in you as more than a friend. If he'd wanted to push himself on you, he would have done so, so it sounds as though he's willing to wait until you decide what you want.

A friend is always a good candidate for a boyfriend, because you know them well and they don't want to hurt you. So if you're into him, it's a safe bet. But otherwise just let him know you need time and you just need a friend right now.

Either way, don't let past relationships spoil you forever. Learn from them and become a better person, but don't miss out on something good because of someone else's mistakes.

Posts: 213 | From: Spain | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1412

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Did you share this with Darren? He seems like he cares about you alot, so why don't you just share you felt a little aprehensive because of previous situations.
Posts: 252 | From: somwhere, usa | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5505

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you said it yourself-you trust this darren with your life. it doesnt seem to me he's tryin to take advantage of you but he cares for you. let him know what you feel and why you act as you do and see where it takes you! good luck
Posts: 36 | From: Houston, TX USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 5375

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It's unnecessary to post simply to say you agree. One liners like that take up space and don't actually help so they've been deleted. Check out the thread on board etiquette please.

"Don't you know about the new fashion, honey? All you need are looks and a whole lot of money." -- Billy Joel, "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me"

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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