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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » dont know what to do

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Author Topic: dont know what to do
Member # 10188

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kissywissy11     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
my boyfriend just wrote me this horrible email. we haven't been close lately and have communication problems. in the email he told me it wasn't working and he didn't love me but he didn't want to break up.
this was an incredibly big punch in the face for me cuz i love him so much and thought we'd be together forever, and i dont know if i want to be with someone who doesnt love me back, but i can break up with him because of the fact that i love him too much. im just so upset right now, i havent been able to stop crying. can anyone please offer any advice?

Posts: 68 | From: australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 14963

Icon 1 posted      Profile for aroseisarose     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I would say, look at how your relationship is working (or not), and what both you and your boyfriend want from this relationship. You said your boyfriend doesn't love you, but still wants to pursue a relationship with you. What would his idea of this relationship be based on? Sex? Simply having someone to call his girlfriend?

More importantly, you have to examine how you truly feel about your boyfriend and the relationship you have with him. Your respective ideas about relationships seem to differ greatly, although that doesn't mean it can't work out; you would both just have to deal with each other's viewpoints.

You said you can't break up with him because you love him too much, but there are other aspects of your relationship to consider. What are you comfortable with? Of course, it is not necessary for two people to love each other or to be in love for a relationship to work, but you seem to want that in a relationship. What are you willing to put up with in this relationship? Can you settle for less that your ideal? Can you be with him if he says he does not love you? I think you would do well to focus on these sorts of questions, decide what you want, and follow through. I'm not saying you should break up with him, just consider everything as a whole and decide what is best for you.

Furthermore, it might be a good idea to ask him what's up. Have you been having these communication problems for a while; have they been building up? Or was his response sudden and unexpected? Either way, you may want to consider calling him or meeting with him to ask him why he feels the way he does, if you don't already know.

Finally, just follow your heart. Only you can really decide if this relationship works for you; no one can tell you how to feel or what to do in this situation. It's up to you to consider the pros, the cons, the dynamic between yourself and your partner, what YOU want, and how/if you can make it work.

Good luck!

Posts: 24 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 961

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Milke     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Going by various previous posts, it sounds like this is an ongoing problem, so why not end it now? There's no reason to continue an unhealthy relationship, which this certainly sounds like.

Milke, with an L, Mrs BD to you, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, WAOTA

The Earth says Hel-lo!

Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 14963

Icon 1 posted      Profile for aroseisarose     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I definitely agree...I didn't know the specifics when I wrote my initial response, but if this is on-going, it sounds like he has no concern for you whatsoever. You might feel bad at first for breaking it off, but trust me, you deserve better.
Posts: 24 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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