ok, ive been with my bf sam* for nearly a yr and a half. id had a bit of experience before but not loads. we have a really great relationship and get on so unbelievably well, i can talk to him about anything etc. we are completely honest. we fight sometimes but we always work things out.
well this guy who i worked with, rob* asked if i wanted to do something after work. we both finished at the same time and had been chatting at work so we thought we'd just go out 4 a bit. he seemed like a nice guy so i thought why not. he knew all about my relationship and everything. anyway we went for a walk along the seafront and chatted in his car for a couple hours, perfectly innocent, although sam was a bit funny with me because it was night time when we walked along the seafront etc. but he knew nothing happened. anyway i met rob again the nxt week for a drink, just for an hour. we'd been txting eachother throughout the week as general chit chat. i said to him about how sam had thought us meetin up was a 'date' and we both saying how it wasnt like that and everything. anyway we then saw eachother again the nxt week when we all went out (work crew) and rob was saying how he had some secret that he couldnt tell me and how he thought that we shouldnt meet up again... he then said "ive fallen for the wrong woman" (he was drunk).. now this made me think it may b me, but i never got anything out of him. we did meet up the next nite and he said he'd meant another girl at work, amy... i was a bit confused but excepted it. anyway so we sat and chated again for some more hours and then he went.. ok well that night id started to think maybe i had feelings for him, perhaps because id thought he mite like me, and that excited me, or maybe because my bf had spent the day wif sum other girl who we'd had trouble wif b4, and so that made me angry and more drawn to rob.
anyway let me try and sum this up, i was trying to get rob to come out the next nite with some of the work people (again), so i was saying all these reasons y he should come out, and i jokingly said "because ive been thinking about u all day and am getting withdrawal symptoms"..now he thought i was serious..and i guess i kinda was very slightly because i had been thinking about him all day.... neway i txted him the nxt day and said i was happy wif sam etc, but that nite he kept asking bout it and i did say i had a thing for him, but didnt explain wat, as i wasnt sure myself. he said he didnt have feelings for me and that upset me a bit i guess...
neway he went off to university miles away a couple of days later, and txted me the same nite saying he really missed me and stuff (he was drunk). i said i missed him 2 but only as mates u know.. well he txted a couple nites later and said he did have feelings for me.....(was drunk again at this time) i replied and said that i didnt feel the same, and i dont, id just been really confused... i instantly felt bad about telling him i liked him, because i dont, and maybe id led him on. he just txted back and said "ok no drama sorry, night" and that was it. i left it and txted him a week later, jus being genuine asking how he was and he didnt reply. i txted again the nxt nite and asked if he was avoiding me and if he was ok, and he didnt reply again so that gave me the hint. i havent spoken 2 him since but i cant stop thinking about him now, i dont have feelins for him, i guess i jus wana no if hes ok and y hes avoiding me..
i feel bad about the fact that i cnt stop thinking bout him tho, especially as i have sam... who i wana marry and have children with... but perhaps just not yet. maybe id like to have a year where i could mess around and see other people, but then id lose sam and its not worth that. im just curious tho i guess... but i love sam and thats that... sorry its so long but has anyone got any advice or anything? can i just say that sam knows everything about all of this, about rob etc...
can i just add, as i dont think i made it clear enough in the last post.. sam makes me happy, and i can actually see myself being with him "forever" or... for a while, whatever word(s) u want to use. i dont feel he is holding me back at all and i do feel that i am good in a long-term relationship, although things do get confusing sometimes, but thats natural. i love the boy to bits, and believe that he is my soulmate.
Posts: 65 | From: uk | Registered: May 2002
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I understand that you are naturally concerned that you may have upset this boy and want to find out how he is.
Perhaps the reason he hasn't responded is because he feels he needs some time to deal with his feelings for you. It can be hard when you like someone to be in constant contact with them and often it is helpful to have some time without speaking to them and once those feelings have subsided then it is possible to resume that friendship.
This guy is probably feeling alittle hurt and confused and it takes time to work through these feelings.
Perhaps you could hold off texting him for a few weeks and then try texting him again, just to say hi or something casual and he may feel more ready to respond at that time.
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your boyfriend however it is understandable that if you are in a serious relationship while you are still young you feel like you want some time to explore other relationships.
You will have to decide for yourself what will be best for you and there will be pro's and con's for each action you could decide to take and one of the negatives could be that you lose your relationship with Sam though not necessarily.
If you are happy in your relationship with Sam then you should probably see how it goes, however at some time in the future you may feel that you do want to explore relationships with others and that is fine aswell, either decision can be positive as you may lose one good relationship to gain another different good relationship.
And I thought mine was hectic... ;-) I regret to tell you that you'll probably have to make a choice in the near future. I may be a prude, but since you say he's been drunk several times...does he have a drinking problem? That should be a big, large flag with bright pink polka dots.
I can't really help you decide between the two guys. You just say that the one you're with now DOES make you happy and that you feel you could at least spend an extended amount of time with him...that should tell you something. Is there something that's missing in your relationship that you feel could be fulfilled with Rob?
*hugs* Sorry I can't help you more, but good luck with everything. Should you ever need someone to vent to, catch me on AIM sometime.
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