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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » who to choose?

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Author Topic: who to choose?
Member # 12554

Icon 5 posted      Profile for krayzieqt55     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ok so, i went out with steve for 14 months and we basically decided that neither of us has been treating the other fairly on a variety of different levels.. but we still do care about each other and love each other so we're just going to remain friends. The thing is, this other guy that i met, joey.. hes.. well, amazing.. basically a perfect boyfriend. Steve was a great guy, an amazing person.. but he just didnt know how to be in a relationship and he didnt know how to be a good boyfriend. Joey, on the other hand is just wonderful.. and we both know we like each other and he told me that he would like to attempt a relationship with me at the end of the summer.. heres the thing, joey lives about 3 hours away from me.(he went up to college this summer). It's not a trust issue at all, because i know I could trust him completely..and we talk to each other everyday and he already said that he would definitly drive down here every other weekend n i could go up there whenever i wanted as well. So things seem great.. but.. thing is, if i went out with joey i would sooner or later have to tell steve (who LOATHES joey) and i really think that it would break his heart.. i cant do that to him.. but on the otherhand id be missing out an opportunity to be with this amazing guy. the other thing is, i JUST got out of the relationship with steve about 2 weeks ago.. im not sure if i want to jump rite back into another relationship in a few more weeks, and a long distance one at that. I kind of just want to take a break for a few months and have fun, but I'm afraid of what the consequences of doing that may be in future, in terms of being with joey. Like, I want to be able to go out and have fun, but at the same time, I want a reltionship with joey.... im sooo confused! any advice would be very very helpful!!!


Posts: 26 | From: florida | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3072

Icon 3 posted      Profile for BruinDan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Originally posted by krayzieqt55:
i JUST got out of the relationship with steve about 2 weeks ago.. im not sure if i want to jump rite back into another relationship in a few more weeks, and a long distance one at that. I kind of just want to take a break for a few months and have fun...

Yup, you're right, that's a problem. And it's a pretty fundamental one at that. Because you're going to have to make up your mind one way or the other, you just cannot have it both ways.

If you've just fallen out of a relationship two weeks ago, I certainly wouldn't condone getting back into another one right now. No matter how the breakup goes, two weeks is precious little time to extricate yourself from whatever baggage you may have from your prior relationship. And you've already cited some of that yourself...the fact that you'd someday have to tell Steve-o about Joey. If you're still in the mindset that you'd need to tell him all about what is going on in your life (even though you're no longer together), you're not ready to move on with someone else. It would not be fair to Joey to have you still with one finger in the pudding of your old relationship with Steve-o while you're trying to bake a brand new cake with him. That's just not how it works, and I'd bet you'd be pretty peeved if Joey told you he'd love to be in a relationship with you and was still dealing with his ex. Relationships are for people who have the time, energy, and force of will to devote themselves wholly to them. They are not for people who think they might like to take a chance on someone when they've still got other stuff going on.

If you're of the mindset that you'd like to go out, have fun, and be crazy...I might suggest you do that now while you've got the chance, and wait it out with Joey. Things of that nature always come around to bite you in the backside, and if you lock yourself up with this new guy while you're pining for the crazy life you've seen on MTV, eventually resentment will begin to build and you'll have a flameout the likes of which we've seen here about twelve-hundred times. We don't want that, and nor should you.

Aside from that, I remember very well your prior posts when you discussed the troubles you were having with ol' Steve-o. How you felt trapped, how you wanted out, how you felt like you wanted to go have some fun, be wild, all that good stuff. And that is prefectly fine and reasonable, so long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else...why not do it while you have the chance? Such advice was given to you on several occasions, and I must admit I'm slightly disappointed to see you setting yourself right back up in the situation you were in before. I'm sure Joey is a great guy, and one worth pursuing. I am equally sure, however, that if you do so without going out and living the sort of party lifestyle you are craving underneath it all, you'll end up destroying whatever chance you'd have had with Joey anyway. I've seen it in my own personal life, and I've seen it among my friends even more often. No matter how great and grand and caring somebody is, if you're settling into a relationship with that person without going after what you've been wanting to do for so long, you're opening yourself up for loads of trouble down the road. And I can already see it coming.

All in all, I think you're better off spending some serious time alone...and I'm not talking about just another two weeks. I'm thinking several months of being by yourself, having fun, livin' large, hangin' with da homies...whatever term is cool these days. Joey isn't going to morph into a demon overnight, and you're more likely to screw things up by rushing them than you would be by postponing them and living life for you first. So hop to it, and good luck!

BruinDan, "Number Three," FHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.

Posts: 2727 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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