These are a couple recent emails exchanged between me and my friend, Deborah. --- From Deborah - "well, there's quite a lot going on in this head of mine as of late. I'm really looking forward to going with you to prom. Tom... you're a really wonderful guy and a great friend. I'm glad that we've gotten to know each other a little better ([EDITED OUT]) but... urg, this is so cliche...I don't think that we should try and have any sort of romantic relationship. I know that I have lead you on, and I'm sorry for that. [EDITED OUT]. I don't want to hurt you, and starting a relationship now wouldn't work... we'd both wind up hurting. I might be leaving, and even if I don't.. I'll be a full time student and I'll have a job... and I'd never see you enough. I'm not excommunicating you or anything... lol. I'd never do that. I definitely don't plan on forgetting any of you guys! All right, well.. now I'm just rambling. I'm sorry... I'm sorry. Yeah... well, let me know what's going on in that head of yours as soon as possible. I'm sorry again... talk to you soon."
From me - "Okay, I've done a bit of thinking, and I think I've got my thoughts straight.
The reason I'm so insistant on giving you the option for there to be...us, is, I think, because I'm scared. You said that starting a relationship now would just end up with us both hurting, and this makes sense. The thing is, I honsetly believe that not doing anything would just go on to hurt me as well. I'm afraid to think that this might go on to be our only chance, and it would leave some...unresolved question when I look back. A cliche comes to mind. 'It's better to do and regret than regret not doing.'
Then again, I could be completely wrong. Who knows?
I'm sorry if you feel like I'm pushing you, I'm just trying to convey my feelings." ---
You're gonna have to ask a specific question hun ... We can't help you if we don't know what kind of answers you're looking for (Questions first, then answers will follow )
Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000
| IP: Logged |
what seems like a soap opera to you it pretty commonplace. the others are right, if you want answers, you should be less vague because that'll help us figure out how to approach your post.
otherwise, we're gonna make some assumptions like this: you fancy this girl deborah, but she's making it totally clear that she's not interested in going out with you.
am i on the right track? if yes, then i say this: she's made it clear that she doesn't want to go out with you, so you're going to need to accept that. Have fun with her at prom, but understand that it's not likely going to go beyond that.
You can choose to have her friendship and move on to someone else, of you can try to continue courting her affections, but the latter isn't guaranteed to be successful and could cause you a lot of heartache and frustration.
------------------ May suffering and pestilence befall the %$@! who broke into my car.
Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000
| IP: Logged |
Nope nope nope. I guess the emails don't really convey the situation right out of context.
Here's the basic setup. We've known each other for four years, and only a couple months ago we told each other how we feel about each other. We both have feelings for each other, but the problem is, she's graduating high school this year, I still have a year to go. She doesn't know if she'll be leaving for college soon, and even if she doesn't leave, she'll be a full time student with a job. This leaves little time for a relationship. So, if we started one right now, it's we're most likely not going to have enough time to put enough into it.
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.