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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Making him upest

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Author Topic: Making him upest
The1andonlyAmber
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I was just thinking about the begging of my relationship with my boyfriend. I used to do this every now and then. I would say something quite hurtful to my boyfriend. I'd never mean it, but I'd over react to something and start an argument and I'd say some really hurtful things.
Then when he starts to get really upset, cry,I'd stop and hold him and say I didn't mean it and he'd say he knows.

We've talked about it, and came to the conclusion that I needed him to show me how much he cared about me and thats how I'd do it. I'd always feel really bad for doing this.

I was just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this? It's like that song.... "I don't know Whyyyyyyy, Whyyyyyyy, But I love to see you cry!"

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Why is it that the person that makes you cry, is the only one who can make you stop.


Posts: 51 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cathexis
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I've been through something pretty much like that, although I never had the guts to actually make them cry. Still, I'd enjoy it when they cared enough to be affected by one of my actions or just trusted me enough to be fragile... And I also loved being able to take care of them... I always thought it was some kind of sadistic streak in me but I guess I feel better now
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PrettyGirlSuffering
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I tend to do the same thing, but I don't say harmful things. It's like I have to prove that the person I'm dating is loyal, and wants to be with me, so I push to see how far they will go before getting to the "end of their rope." Maybe this is why so many of my relationships haven't lasted. Most of the guys I dated cheated on me anyway. Which sucks... am I a target for [really uncool dudes]?? agh, the drama of dating.

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.a.m.a.n.d.a.

-=No one can make you feel inferior without your consent=-Eleanor Roosevelt

[Language, darling, language]

[This message has been edited by BruinDan (edited 05-20-2003).]


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BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by PrettyGirlSuffering:
am I a target for [really uncool dudes]??

I'd say you're less a target and more a catalyst if what you've said is true. If you find yourself in situations where you're pushing someone away emotionally, and you end up bringing them to the "end of their rope," I think you can expect for something bad (up to and including cheating) to happen as a result. Now I damned near failed Physics, but I do seem to remember Newton's Third Law teaches us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. And if your action is to drive your mate up the wall and break them down into tears, I suppose the "equal and opposite" reaction would be for them to either cheat or leave.

Now by no means am I condoning cheating. I find it to be pretty reprehensible behavior, and I think it's a really irresponsible and immature thing to do to someone. But at the same time, I don't think one can reasonably expect a mate to stick around when you're going to put them through the House of Horrors as part of your relationship. It just won't work that way.

If you're feeling the need to compel your mate to prove their loyalty, I might suggest you are not with the right person. A little jealousy is one thing, but running them through the emotional wringer (and in some cases, drawing tears) just is not the way to go. Not only will this destabilize the relationship in the short term, it will have long-standing effects on the very trust you so badly need to maintain a solid relationship. And when you've undermined that foundation, how on earth can you expect it to survive?

If you've recognized this behavior in yourself, that's a good first step right there. Once you've identified the fact that you may do something like this, it's the stopping part that comes next. And if you can successfully manage to halt such behavior, your relationship can only get stronger as a result.

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BruinDan, "Number Three," FHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.


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kissywissy11
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Man, I know this is going to sound really awful, but I would actually like to see my bf cry for once. I've never seen him do it, and I just want him to once feel vulenrable around me and release his emotions. I've done it so many times, and in a weird way it makes us stronger.
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Cathexis
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Well, it doesn't sound that awful... I would love to see mine do it too - the only time he cried around me was on the phone when we broke up. Makes us feel a little guilty, heh?
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LilBlueSmurf
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I can understand wanting to see your partner (or a family member or friend, even) express emotions that you need/want to see. What i don't really agree w/ is purposefully 'pushing a partners buttons' to get the reaction you're looking for.

Sure, sometimes when i'm in a bad mood i'll say things to my boyfriend that will defineatly get him going ... But i don't do it on a daily basis, and always apologize for it when it slips out. It's worked out much better for us to talk about what each of us needs from the relationship, even the emotional stuff.


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The1andonlyAmber
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quote:
Originally posted by LilBlueSmurf:

... But i don't do it on a daily basis, and always apologize for it when it slips out. It's worked out much better for us to talk about what each of us needs from the relationship, even the emotional stuff.

Can I just say that I don't do it on a daily basis, it would normally be when I was really stressed out and need some love as it were.
My relationship has very good communication and we talk about everything!

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Why is it that the person that makes you cry, is the only one who can make you stop.


Posts: 51 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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