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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Obsessed?

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Author Topic: Obsessed?
Sorrow of wind bird sky
Neophyte
Member # 12191

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Three years ago I met a girl and had a crush on her... Though she moved away about one year ago to another country, I still cannot forget about her...

We never actually talked, but somehow I contacted her by e-mail when she was set to immigrate... Immediately she said it wouldn't work out, and I KNOW it wouldn't work, but I just keep dreaming about her for so many times (67 times in total, no kidding, the ones that I forget when I wake up don't count)

I don't really want to disturb her peacful days because I am kind of awkward at talking even on MSN... and I am not like other attractive guys who are able to be "hot" or humorous or talkative or intelligent... I feel lonely and no friends of mine would go out with me.... I want to talk to someone opposite-sex, but no girls (not I know of) like talking with me...

Because I am near-sighted, when I see a female with long blonde hair, I would mistake her as the girl I adore... My heartbeat would increase its rate instantaneously and I will feel a strange feeling as I have met her again....

I always wish her well, but meanwhile I feel so confused... What should I do? I want to pray for her living in happiness and felicity always... Yet, I envy and feel jealous guys who she hangs out with... I think I am so mean that sometimes I punch myself and cut myself (with a scissor, if it is a knife I am probably dead now... bitter lol) I want to be nice to others, but because I have an ugly look and chubby torso with a distasteful humour which no one gets.. Whenever I do something, immediately I feel it is definitely a mistake.

My life seems quite miserable... This year I am going to graduate, but I have no friends with me because they all have "their" friends and sports... I just sit and feel being isolated.... Then, image of the girl I adore would come to my mind, and I cannot shake it off....

Am I a sick jxrk or something worse than that? I try to offer others help so I would be accepted as the person I am; however, when there are others offering the same kind of help I give, people would ignore me and accept their assistance willingly... I feel so worthless.... Now I no longer care about my appearance and can be like a maniac in class (like talking to myself, singing, seeing delusions about her, held out my hand to table because I thought of the moment we were dancing in P.E.... I don't pretend it, but some of my friends insist that I am pretending... )

What am I supposed to do? I talk to the counsellor before, but I am still being alone because no friends are with me at school, after school, or at any other time. I cannot forget about the girl I love (or am obsessed to), and I don't really want to forget about her... My life seems just a chaos and I cannot find out a direction.... Have someone met this kind of situtation and solved it? If there are someone offering any advices (as long as they are not Mission Impossible X ), I would be really thankful~

<- cannot really do a concluding sentence...er, I fail another English test again anyway~ lol (I am kind of ill and sick... I know +__+)

------------------
Illusions & Dreams...
A wish comes true is certainly a great thing; but, will you still own a dream, or crave for unnecessary luxury....
Only you have thou own answer....


Posts: 35 | From: BC, Canada | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The1andonlyAmber
Activist
Member # 12779

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I don't really know what to say, as I feel anything I say wouldn't make you fell any better.
Unrequited Love? If thats what it is then nothing anyone will say will change the way you feel,
You sound lovely if that helps. Love is a powerfull emotion, it's addictive.

If you really do feel a connection with this girl then tell her.

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Why is it that the person that makes you cry, is the only one who can make you stop.


Posts: 51 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
magpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2340

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To be frankfully honest, and please don't take this as an insult, I think you should talk to a psyshologist, therapist or a psyciatrist. To be so focused on someone that you have no other friends and have no direction in your life does not strike me to be normal.

Love, lust, and infatuation are very powerful emotions. It can take a long time to get over a lost love, but what you've described sound like more than what most people experience after they have been told to "forget about it."


Posts: 286 | From: Ames, IA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sorrow of wind bird sky
Neophyte
Member # 12191

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Thank, The 1, Magpie~ *smile*

It is not because I am so focused on her that I have no friends~ It is that I cannot make any friends (no one likes me), and my old friends are playing sports in spare time (I cannot play because my health condition).

I have to be alone because all others get their friends already, and I am not welcomed into any ground because I am kind of useless (cannot find a better word for it)... My tongue would "tie up" when I feel nervous... And I would worsen any conversation just by showing my appearance...

sigh, I hope I am a normal person... (I am worse than everyone else indeed) but, a wish is just a wish.... and my existence would only displease others...

------------------
Illusions & Dreams...
A wish comes true is certainly a great thing; but, will you still own a dream, or crave for unnecessary luxury....
Only you have thou own answer....


Posts: 35 | From: BC, Canada | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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