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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » New Relationship

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Author Topic: New Relationship
cutiepie102
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Member # 8423

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I have been with my first real boyfriend for a month now. Since (as i said before) he is my first real boyfriend I dont know how fast to move. I am curious as to when to move to next steps...so far we have only kissed. I am not looking to rush, but do want to move at a steady pace in the relationship. How long should it be before we get to the next stages? How soon is too soon before we start moving on from just kissing?

Posts: 3 | From: Kings Park, NY, USA | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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whenever *both* of you feel like you're ready. no sooner, but you can put it off as long as you want.

Some people go out for months before even holding hands, and some ppl sleep together the day they meet. and some people don't even go in any set order.

there are no deadlines, so you can take as long as you want, but the important thing is to *not* do anything you aren't 110% ready to do. if you're together a year, and you still don't want to make out, there's nothing wrong with that. but there is something wrong if you rush it and regret it later.

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Color is for crayons, not for people.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
celery
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Hey, I'm in the same boat as you, The guy I'm with now is my first real boyfriend and he's 3 years older! so I was confused on how fast to go (I still am a little bit )

We've been together A month also, and we've only kissed/dry sex/and I took my shirt off (hope saying that isn't breaking the guidelines..)

And in previous threads i've been asking about giving him oral sex, I still want to and I'm ready to do it... kind of! I don't think I know how hehe... so I'm gonna wait till I know I'm ready.

So my advice is to wait, my theory is, if the guy likes you enough, he can wait, and be patient until you are ready to go further.
Don't ever rush if you feel uncomfortable.


Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AlwaysWorried
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Me and my gf have been together for just over two months, up till now we have been pretty much just holding hands and kissing, we hugged and kissed a lot on her bed, but neither of us wanted to take it any further. Last week we started taking it further and we were both naked more than once, but we don't have full sex because we still feel ready for everything but that.

Basically, go at your own pace. If he goes faster than you want, then distract his attention with something else or just tell him you don't want it. On the flip side, be prepared to back off if he doesn't like how far you're going.


Posts: 125 | From: Leicestershire, England | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
noob88
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I know how you feel I felt that way with my gf at first, but it passed because she usually had ways of letting me know how to take and where to take it to the next level. But id say either ask him or get a friend of his to ask talk to him about what hes into as far as sexual type stuff goes and then see what the results are.

quote:
Originally posted by Gumdrop Girl:

but the important thing is to *not* do anything you aren't 110% ready

I was goint to start a new thread but I felt it related enough.

All though I do agree with gumdrop girl I was wondering if anyone thought about spur of the moment type things, sometimes you should just go for certain things, because sometimes if you think about it to much by the time your ready to do it you may not be able to enjoy it as much as you would have.

Now I know if you do this often it ties into issues of safety but I dont mean so much with traditional reproductive sex, but with the more broad types of sex, in most cases discussing your needs and things for those forms can take away some of the mystery and fun of doing it without to much thought or discussion.

I am still big on protection and things, but sometimes communication is tougher, and less enjoyable than just subtle ways of sending the messages.

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-MONTY-

I'm a guy, big surprise

"We may be through with the past but the past aint through with us"

"As far as I am concerned humans have not come up with a belief that is worth believing"


Posts: 104 | From: Tiburon, Ca | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Miss Thang
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quote:
Originally posted by AlwaysWorried:
If he goes faster than you want, then distract his attention with something else or just tell him you don't want it.

Ok, I agree with the 2nd part, but the 1st... hmm. I am of the mind that instead of playing little games with your partner, you should just always have open, honest discussion where you tell them flat out what you want and what you don't want, and what you're ready for a what you're not.

I get what you're saying, but "distract his attention"?!? He's a person, not a little puppy or something! Unless you can lure him out of the bedroom with shiny objects, I'd stick to just bein honest and talking.


Posts: 211 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
noob88
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well yes communication can work but consider the possibilty that the persons goal is to play "little games" maybe they enjoy doing so with their partner. It is good to have open honest discussion but dont close the door on fun and games, as well as sexual creativity.

We seem to be lacking to ability to use our imagination during these times. (lol, sorry generalization, just mean in my community, or from what I observe and hear)

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-MONTY-

I'm a guy, big surprise

"We may be through with the past but the past aint through with us"

"As far as I am concerned humans have not come up with a belief that is worth believing"


Posts: 104 | From: Tiburon, Ca | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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I'm with Miss Thang on this one. Honesty and clear communication is definitely the best way to go when it comes to sexual readiness. If you aren't ready for something, say so.

And noob, no one is saying that there is no place for fun and games in sex but if all partners aren't ready for the games then they just aren't going to be any fun.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ErinK
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I find that telling my partners what I like, especially at times when we're not getting hot-n-heavy, dramatically helps to improve our, ahem, physical communication.

noob, think of it this way; if you know what someone likes/wants/doesn't like/doesn't want, it's a lot easier to surprise them, because you've got a ready supply of inspiration due to your discussions.

erin


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noob88
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thank you for telling me about it, I do appreciate hearing what others think.

But the surprise aspect from my perspective is hard to stay a surprise if that person has a pretty visible warning before it happens, im not preaching it to others ive just found it to be a necessity considering that my gf is someone who highly desires me to know what she wants but likes the surprises, so it puts me in a tough position but I have grown to enjoy it a lot as well, were talking things that dont go as far as reg sex. Thats where it comes from

------------------
-MONTY-

I'm a guy, big surprise

"We may be through with the past but the past aint through with us"

"As far as I am concerned humans have not come up with a belief that is worth believing"


Posts: 104 | From: Tiburon, Ca | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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