I was in love with this girl, but she was straight, and we didn't go out(obviouxly). But we were best friends and she was really cool about it. Then we had a very intimate friendship that got really weird and complicated and well, I was strung along a bit by her. We fell out hugely last October. I mean hugely! She hates me and she doesn't even look at me. And, well, I pretend I hate her. I try not to think of her the way I used to. And we'll neve4r be friends again, that's just not an option, because she hates me and well, I know she's not a very nice person. But I still love her. Everytime I see her I want to be with her. And I fancy other girls and I just want to move on and forget her. Any ideas how?
Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001
| IP: Logged |
I think if I were in that kind of an in-between stage, I'd try to sort out my feelings.
Since I'm new age-y, I might write a letter to no one in particular, writing out the whole situation and how I felt throughout the friendship. I'd try to get to why exactly I was still so attracted, then look at why things wouldn't/didn't work out.
Then I'd burn it and let the ashes fly away outside... kind of a release from the relationship.
And then I'd get out on the town and do things that I love, get back in touch with myself and have fun with other people (in a pretty platonic way.)
Well, perhaps, one of the first things you could do is make it clear you don't hate her. She gives you a stony face and ignores you, so what? That really isn't your problem. It's her problem. And from past experience, I can tell you merely pretending you hate them and have a huge problem being around them can make matters worse.
Secondly, you have to really ask yourself: is she worth it? What was to blame for the fallout, do you really, really think it's worth your time and energy going up to her, trying to get into her good books again and start up a relationship with her? It sounds like she's made it perfectly clear she's not interested on either count, so you're going to have to try to let go, maybe try what la jaunty bohemian suggested. There are other things you could do to try to get over it (eg. babysitting, reading an old classic or talking to a friend). That is, if you decide, she isn't worth it. If you think she is, and sure she is (which I doubt as you've just said fixing things isn't an option), then perhaps you should talk to her, but otherwise, move on. There's nothing else to be done.
I hope I don't come across as being insensitive - almost everyone has been through something similar to this, and most of them have emerged from it OK, a stronger, better person.
Slayer_gurl, is this the same situation you wrote about a couple of months ago? If so, I'm glad things have at least calmed down somewhat.
I like the idea of writing a letter. I've done this with a couple of traumatic situations in my own life, and I find that just getting stuff down on paper is really cathartic.
Another way to move on is to try to develop some new interests that will get you away from this girl and your school setting in general. Maybe you could examine some volunteer opportunities in your area? Volunteering for a cause you believe in is a great way to feel good about yourself and meet new people along the way.
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.