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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I need advice, I'm so confused.

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Author Topic: I need advice, I'm so confused.
bombastic xo
Member # 6700

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Here's my situation. I'm a senior in high school that mainly hangs around with 3 best friends - I'm changing their names, but let's call them Steve, Sarah and Tina. Well, Steve and Tina used to date. He no longer has feelings for her, but she does. She wants to get over him, but likes him at the same time. (She's a tad obsessive.) Well, lately I've found myself really falling for Steve. And I was just going to sulk and suck it up, but he just told me today he has feelings for me too. Now we don't know what to do. We don't want to hurt Tina, but at the same time, I feel that her obsession has run its course. I don't want to go behind her back because that would be lying to her. I think she senses that something's up with me and Steve, too, but she hasn't said anything about it. The four of us are going to Disney World in April for our Senior Trip, and I don't want to mess that up either. I'll also mention that I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend, so it's severely depressing that when a boy finally likes me and I like him, that it has to be so complicated. I really don't know what to do. Anyone have advice for me? Thanks!
Posts: 4 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1515

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Well, you have to talk to her about it. Just dont come out and rub it in her face or anything. Invite her over your house, and both of yous sit down and have a nice chattaroo about what is going on. Tell her that you and *Steve* have feelings for eachother.

Ask her if its okay to go ahead with those feelings and pursue them. If she doesnt like it then I wouldnt go out with him. They used to date, and dating one of your friends ex-boyfriends, might be weird for her. See what she feels about it. But I wouldnt pursue it, if she doesnt feel comfortable with it.

Believe me, I understand that you like *Stevey Stew* but you also want to keep a friendship. Don't do ANYTHING that you will regret in the future.

Bobaroony & Erica Bearica
<3 love forever!

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

“One ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Heather Corinna

Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6516

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After reading this message, a little bell went off in my head, and i was just compelled to write to you, but anyway, enough blabbering. I was in a situation like this last year/this year, where i dated my best friends best friend (with her consent,) we dated for about 5 months. Then he dumped me, it was bad enough that i had thought i was in love with him, and he dumped me out of the blue online; but to make matters worse i find out around 6 weeks later that him and her started dating 3 weeks after we broke up. That was heart shattering.

I know that your situation is different,and that her and him broke up a while ago, but i think the thing that hurt me the worst was them not telling me. So my advice to you, as the person who was on the butt end of things is to at least tell her, or ask her permission for you two to go out, becuse the worst thing is for her not to know. From experience, if you think that it is akward telling her from the start, wait 3 months and then tell her... that i honestly believe will make it even worse of a situation.

Ultimately you have to make your own choice and do what you think is best for you, the guy, and your friend. I hope my advice helped, if not see the movie: "keeping the faith." That's a really good example of what i'm trying to say... it's with ben stiller.

Hope i could help!


Be yourself, because then no one can ever tell you that you are doing it wrong

Posts: 91 | From: New York | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bombastic xo
Member # 6700

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Just thought I'd reply to my own topic. So, this week has been confusing. I told "Tina" about "Steve" and I, because I had to.. I couldn't keep it a secret any longer. She didn't freak like I assumed she would. She said we make a cute couple, and that yeah it would take some time to get used to, but she was okay with us. Which sounded great at the time. So on Monday, "Steve" and I officially became a couple. And now, the awful human being that I am, am having second thoughts. Now it's all "Oh, where's your boyfriend?" and it's so WEIRD to hear that (I've never had a boyfriend.) Isn't the beginning of a relationship supposed to be all roses and euphoria? 'Cause I don't feel that. I feel the same about him as I did when we were just friends. And we've only kissed once so far, and I saw no fireworks. It was nothing special. Now I feel like I made the wrong choice. I am a COMPLETE MORON, aren't I? We were lying in his bed yesterday and it was so nice and comfy, and I was so happy - and then I realized that we did that when we were friends anyway. What was I thinking? Was I just craving affection? I know I had a crush on him for two weeks, but how did it fade the second we begin to date? I'm so confused - again. Why am I ruining everything? ::cries::
Posts: 4 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6370

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Hmm. You were lying together in bed - and you were so happy - that's great!! I think that the best relationships are based in friendship. Take it one day at a time - new things like this are kinda scary like that. If you did something as friends and enjoyed it, don't stop because you're more than friends now. Good luck.


Posts: 41 | From: Chicago | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
Member # 384

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Froggish makes a very good point. Being friends and being boyfriend/girlfriend are not mutually exclusive. You can certainly be both at once, and it's wonderful when you are!

As for the rest, I would say, relax. Just because Steve is your first romance doesn't mean he's going to be your last. Give it a chance, but if the sparks don't fly then you can break off the romance (but keep the friendship, hopefully!) and try again with somebody else.

As for the roses and euphoria bit, it may be a bit different because you and Steve already know each other so well, so there's not the "newness factor" that comes with a new romance with a near stranger. However, there are benefits, like the fact that you're alreay comfortable with each other.

One last thing. I've always believed that if you want romance in a relationship, you can't sit around and wait for the other person to get romantic. How about seeing if you can perk up the romance a notch? With Valentine's day coming up, you've got the perfect excuse to leave love notes and/or a flower in his locker, bake him a batch of brownies, or whatever...something you might not have done when you were "just friends."

Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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