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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I don't know what to do...

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Author Topic: I don't know what to do...
Member # 2160

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My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for a year and half. Before we started dating, we were best friends for probably close to a year. Now here we are, both in college, thinking we're in love, even making plans for our distant future and marriage. However, lately I've been having problems. It has gotten to where it is hard for me to open up to my boyfriend and especially for me to show my love for him physically. I've gotten to the point to where I even always make up excuses not to have to hang out with him. It's not that I don't love him, because I do. I think it is probably because I have a lot going in my life right now, am always incredibly stressed out, and I've been showing many symptoms of clinical depression for awhile. It's hard for me to talk to him about this though, because it has been hard for me to open up to him.
He's angry because we've been spending so little time together and because I will hardly ever even so much as kiss him anymore. (We have a line we've agreed not to cross sexually, so this is pretty close to all we CAN do...) It's not that i'm not attracted to him, it's just that something in me is blocking me from acting on my attraction..
It is getting to the point to where I SEE that I'm treating him unfairly and I can understand his frustration and anger with me. But when I tried to talk to him about this, he doesn't understand.. probably because I don't understand what is truly wrong. I NEED my best friend right now to help me through this, but there is no way to separate that best friend from the boyfriend. I feel like because I have so much going in my life and I can't figure things out, that I should take a break from our relationship for awhile. However, we've broken up once before and he vowed that if we ever break up again, it is final. I love him and want to have a future with him, but I just cannot deal with the problems right now. Most of all, I cannot stand to lose my best friend, practically my ONLY friend, and he says if we were to break up, there is no way he could stand being friends with me. So basically, right now i'm staying in this relationship just hoping that something will click and be fixed, and so that i won't lose my best friend. He says this is just using him. But I don't know what else to do, I can't lose him.
Has anyone ever gone through anything like this? Can anyone offer any advice? I feel like I'm falling apart and the only person who i feel could help me, CAN'T because he is part of the problem...

Posts: 16 | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
Member # 384

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Are you feeling depressed in other areas of your life, too? It might be a good idea for you to make an appointment to talk to a counselor at your student counseling center (most colleges have them and it's free). A counselor can help you find coping strategies for the stuff that's going on.

In the meantime, have you tried just taking anwhere from a few hours to a couple of days just for yourself? I find that helps me sometimes when it all just gets to be too much. I let everybody know I'm taking some "me time" (my friends understand by now, but you may have to explain it the first time around) and then I go biking, or hiking, or drive to the big city and visit museums, just stuff I enjoy, all by myself. That helps me get my head on straighter so that I can deal better with all the people in my world when I return.

Take care of yourself.

Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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