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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » nice guys always finish last

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Author Topic: nice guys always finish last
Member # 4356

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Hey all. Hope you all had Happy Holidays.

I have a friend, "Ryan". He's the type of guy who has just always been there, really close friend. We've had feelings for each other for a long time, just never really acted on them.
He's the type of guy who will counsel you through a break up at 2 am, who meets you at your doctor's after a really scary appointment when no one else would, etc, etc. oh, and sends you a rose for valentine's day just because you thought your boyfriend wouldn't do anything.

But I won't go out with him. The best reason that comes to mind is that he's too nice. (sounds dumb doesn't it?)

I was talking to my aunt the other day, and she phrased it so well: "He's the guy that you SHOULD always go out with, but you don't"

Does anybody else here have someone like Ryan in your life?

Posts: 433 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3215

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I have a friend named Ricky that is the same way. He would do anything to make you feel better, but just can't seem to get a girlfriend. I don't know what is wrong with people these days.
Posts: 61 | From: Mayfield, Ky | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I sure do.

And while it took me close to ten years to figure out that I was being an idiot in not being with him romantically, I did get it eventually. So did he.

...and I wouldn't have married anyone else in the world, or even considered it.

I think the thing to bear in mind is what you want. Honestly, lust and romance tends to be very fleeting, coming and going all the time. This notion that there is an everlasting romance of the sighing-pining-cooing-sweaty Hollywood variety? Do yourself a big favor and toss it out the window. It's basically bollocks. Short-term, or with someone who is really ONLY your lover, that can work out great.

If you're okay with that, and okay with relaitionships being very tengenial and transitory in that way, then go for it. I know that I very much WANTED shorter, more casual and less emotional relationships for a long time, lovers rather than friends, so that was right for me.

But personally, when it comes to life partners -- to people I really want to share my whole life with in the long term, whether we are always lovers or not -- I want that basis to be in friendship, with the lust and the romance as happy bonuses that can come and go in our relationship as they please.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5458

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got one? i AM one! exept a girl. i can never get any boyfriens becuz i all ways end up as a best friend/sister image, little mother, thats what i am to everyone. little mother. the one to deliver the 'go out with me' note, never the reciver. hmf. its no fun sometimes.
Posts: 15 | From: cant tell | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5640

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I have to admit that I'm one too, although I'm the male version (now available in 2.0!) I never really volunteered for the position, but I've been granted it none-the-less. At first, I kind of considered being the stereotypical supportive best friend a burden, but in the last few years, I've gotten to like it... at least when the person who is telling me their inner secrets is someone who I can stand.

I'm the guy who will listen to you bitch about a guy, who will try his damnest to tell you that you're probably going to get hurt (as nicely as possible, of course ) if you go after this person, or go to that party and get into your state of being drunkenly truthful. I'm the guy who will read your Tarot cards for you, and just generally try and help you make sense of your life. And, to tell the truth, I've never considered this finishing last.

I love being the best friend, as opposed to the "friend with benefits" -- although, I'm not adverse to ever taking a relationship to that step if the situation were to arise. But, I'm just happy being the best friend.

Tim (a.k.a. the Dude).
"Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love" -- Woody Allen

[This message has been edited by Dude_who_writes (edited 12-29-2001).]

Posts: 712 | From: Michigan, US | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
miss ashli
Member # 5255

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I do! and guess what.. his name IS Ryan.
We've known each other since 3rd grade, and became really good friends in 6th. Now we're in 10th. Once, in ninth grade, I wa ssoo upset, and i was cryintg and everything ove a guy, and ryan called him up, and was liek "why did you break up with her?" and etc etc etc.

During the summer, after my boyfriend of almost 6 month broke up with me, he was totally there fo rme, all the way. and then he was talkin to me online and he was being all.. funny. liek "your so beautiful. hes crazy for doing this to you" and i figured he just had a little crush on me. THEn he asked if he could call me!!! I thought OH MY GOD! hes going to try to ask me out! and he called and called and i never answered the phone (i know it was sssooo mean) and finally one day I had an email from him and it was really long, saying stuff like how he liked me, and we wouldnt break up unless I broke up with him, and he would tell me "your so pretty" everyday (I had been complaining thatmy EX b/f never said sweet stuff like that to me) and it was so long, and so sweet. and at the end, i remember exactly. "ashley, I love you so much"
and i turned him down! aaww.. now i feel bad. Lol. I went to the movies w/ him last weekend.. i wonder what he was thinkin about me then...
:-X sorry my post is so long


Posts: 100 | From: US of A | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
miss ashli
Member # 5255

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:-\ sorry my typing sucks.
everytime i type a few letters, the cursor thin dissapears, and i have to retype everything.. i hate this kayboard!


Posts: 100 | From: US of A | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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I was going to write about you but you beat me too it! Ah, great minds think alike.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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I had a boy like that. we'd sit together and talk for hours about anything and everything. he'd surprise me on my birthday, or whatever other occasions (but not on val's day). we were close, and i cared about him very deeply. maybe i even loved him. we did date for a while, and it was a disaster, which is too bad. i mean, we had friendship, understanding, and even a whole lotta lust. but in the end, we weren't really compatible as a couple. then he got kicked out of uni and disappeared from my radar for almost two years before calling me out of the blue. we're back to talking, like we used to. and it's good. he helped me get through some hard times. and really, i think it's better this way. it's too bad that he hasn't found someone to treat him right because he really is a great guy.

srm? wtf? iyhta ... rtfm!

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1412

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I wish I had a guy like that but I don't. I really have 2 guys I talk to, but Im not really close to them


Posts: 252 | From: somwhere, usa | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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