I have 2 best friends and the 3 of us are very very close. We do almost everything togather and weve always been there for each other thru thick and thin. 6 years ago my best friend Angels parents divorced and she and her brother came to live with their mother. For the most part their mother took care of them, sometimes leaving them home to fend for themselves while she and her boyfriend went out, but all in all kept a good watch on them. For a while her father didnt pay child support and was a mess but got his act together and started to financially help to support angela and her brother a few years ago. Last year, Angels brother, Sam, who is younger than her by 5 years, moved out of state to live with their father while Angela remained here with her mother and visited her dad on occasion. Her mother became all loopy and depressed about not having Sam all the time. She started forgetting about Angela and instead payed attention more and more to her boyfriend, leaving her best friends to chauffeur her around, study w/ her and cook for her and open their homes. To us it was kinda great always being able to see your best friend but Angela was like dieing inside for maternal affection. Finally she talked to her mother and her mother started shaping up, they even took turns cooking for each other and shopping with each other and things were getting better. This summer tho, Angelas mother decided they should go to live with her boyfriend juss to get the feel of it in case they decided to permanently move in together. Her mother promised since his house was 45 minutes away to drive us to you summer jobs we had started together and give us rides whenever we needed them. For a while she kept her word, but then she would leave angela at one of our houses after sleepovers and not pick her up as planned. When angela would call shed say find another ride home and somewhere to sleep tonight cuz she and her boyfriend were going out. Her father always sends money, $100 a month directly to angela, and takes her and her brother on trips and gives them pretty much everything they needed to make up for lost time and support and lately Angelas been seriosuly considering moving outta state w/ him. I was just wondering is there anywhere I can go or anyone I could talk to who could talk to Angelas mother about her responsibilities as a mother first, not a girlfriend? Angela really feels guilty having my mom and our other friends mothers taking us everywhere and always offering for sleepovers, and our parents are glad to do it but would like to talk some sense into her mother. I dont wanna cause friction and I dont know what its like being a divorced mother of a teenager but I know what Angels mother is doing isnt right and its destructive to Angela. Her mothers boyfriends house is also not a very welcoming environment and its the last place angela wants to be or should be. What can I do to help without making angela move away?? PLEASE HELP!!
Posts: 15 | From: centereach, NY, United States | Registered: Feb 2001
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As great as it would be to go in and tell her mother to start behaving responsibly, and picking Angela up when she said she would as well as other things that a mother would ordinarily do, it's not really your place to say anything. If there had been some kind of serious neglect or abuse then there is no question that you should contact someone who can step in and see how things are going at home.
As hard as it is, having Angela move in with her father and brother sounds like it would be beneficial. And, honestly, if a friendship was truly there from the start -- a friendship will remain, no matter how far you guys are.
The most important thing you can do is to just be there for her. It's definitely a hard situation.. so let her know that you're available, and concerned. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.
------------------ "I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal" ~Incubus
I think the best thing you can do right now is be there for Angela and go talk to a counsellor. Stepping in yourself would cause more harm than benefit. Going to a youth clinic, community center, or doctor and finding someone to talk to through them might be the wisest move. And encourage Angela to take action as well, because what her mother is doing is completely unfair and irresponsible.
I know it would be hard on you, but if Angela went to live with her father she might be much happier. And there are tons of ways for the two of you to keep in contact! Icq, e-mails, msn, writing letters.... You two seem like really great friends and that's always worth the effort.
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