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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » What to do when you love someone and they dont love u back

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Author Topic: What to do when you love someone and they dont love u back
Chica101
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I recently just told the guy I fell in love with how much I felt about him. I dont know if it was the best time but I knew some how I really needed to. Once I told him how I felt about him I didnt get a big reaction out of him. My friend and I were at his house and he had friends over and I we went for a walk and I told him how much I liked him. This was something really big for me because I have truly never felt this way about a guy before. I felt a certain connection and I liked it a lot. Well since he didnt say anything I was really worried. He told me he likes me a lot too but I didnt feel as if he likes me as much as I like him. My friend and I had to leave to get home in time for our curfew and one of his friends took me home and I just fell apart. I started to cry and I didnt really know why. I just thought that he didnt really like me at all. Even though all we have done is kissed I still feel if he dosnt have true feelings for me he shouldnt even have done that. I havent talked to him since I have told him mostly because I havent gone to his work to visit him (I usually do). He also hasnt called me and I am waiting for him to call me (even though that sounds really immature and selfish). I really dont know what to do and I am afraid of getting rejected or even hurt. I dont know what do and I cant get my mind of him! Im trying to make myself not like him anymore because I have come to the conclusion that if stick with it I know some way I will only get hurt and its to hard for me when I love him so much. People are right about love it can always hurt in the end. All I really wanted is advice about what to do about you first love. I have never loved anyone how I love him. I am still not sure about how I feel about him but I know I have never felt this way about a guy before. Thanks for listening.
Posts: 32 | From: Ft Collins | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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oh, unrequited love!

don't do what i did, which was spend a few months sulking alone and beating my head against my desk. bad idea.

instead, pick up and move on. yeah, it's tough, but the world has not ended (and probably won't for another 8 billion years at least). go surround yourself with things to keep yourself occupied. meet people. spend time with friends.

you can't make someone love you, that's just something you will have to grapple with. but it gets better over time.

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"And who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lilnerd
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Aww, sweetie, I know exactly how you feel.

I pined after a guy for months after we shared a kiss. In the end, although I did enjoy it, I wished he never had kissed me because then I wouldn't have had false hope.

Liking someone who doesn't feel the same way is never fun but over time it really won't seem like a big deal. And I'll guarantee that you'll find SEVERAL more guys that make you feel bubbly inside. ;-)

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"I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal"
~Incubus


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-Dust-
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i am so sorry. *big hug* this sort of thing is never easy, and it really sucks. i've had that happen to me before. i really liked him and after all the lies he'd told me he had said that i "wasn't his type." it was truely terrible. gumdrop girl is right, sulking for weeks that may turn into months is not the right thing to do. sure its okay to let it all out, but don't let this feeling drag on. what you should instead do, is get out, go to the pool, go shopping, to on a hike, write, spend time with people and do things that make you feel good. over time, you'll wonder what you were so upset about (or maybe not).

[This message has been edited by -Dust- (edited 07-24-2001).]


Posts: 63 | From: Virginia, U.S.A | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Chica101
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Hey I just wanted to say thanks for listening... It means a lot. I know I keep complaining to my friends and Im sure they are getting a little sick of it themselves. One thing Im not sure about is that once I talk to him again I know he will go back and tell me that he does like me a lot but I dont know what to beleive or if I should let myself fall for him again. I still love him so much and Its hard dealing with feelings I have never felt before. Especially to someone I have been head over heals for. My best friend keeps telling me I shouldnt make myself not like him because she knows he cares about me. Its just everytime I try to talk to him about it he tries to find a different subject or he says " you know I likve you a lot, you dont need to worry" or "That girl I was talking to is just my friend". Thats also one thing I cant stand he is friends with so many girls! Even though I have many many good friends that are guys I dont think that bothers him as much as when I see him with other girls. This is just probably one of the hardest times I have had with a guy before. Dont worry though I wont sulk for months at all . My plan for this week is to find and meet new people and hopefully find someone who shares the same interests as me. My other ? is when I talk to him again and if he tells me he loves me back what should I do? I dont want to let myself fall for him again and end up getting hurt in the end. Love can be so confusing and hard!

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Posts: 32 | From: Ft Collins | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
blackbird
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ugh...story of my life it seems like. All I want is a guy that'll stick around for the long run and let me be myself. There was a guy once where when I told him some stuff that I was interested in doing with my life, he laughed..yep..LAUGHED. It just rather bugged me because here I was trying to share my life with someone and they thought it was one huge joke.

I'm terrified though of telling guys how I feel about them so I know how you feel. I have the usual huge fear that they'll be scared off or think I'm just psychotic. I don't have some gradient on how much I care about people. I either don't care about them at all or I care about them to no end. I'm a big chicken that way. I don't tell some people that I even love them unless they tell me that first (ie. relatives and friends). Somehow I think I end up being attracted to guys with very screwed up minds who don't know what they want. Then I have that problem where I do know what I want. I just need to find a guy that also knows what he wants which yeah..wish me luck on that one

I can't really give any advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one out there with that problem. *hugs*


Posts: 354 | From: san mateo, california, usa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Chica101
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I understand it is hard to give advice... It just helps when someone listents Thanks
Good luck too :-P

Posts: 32 | From: Ft Collins | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cheergrl124
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hey babez! I juss did exactly the same thing. Except my guy juss gropes me when were alone and when he found out from me that i felt the way i did it took forever to respond, over a week, and he told me he thinks im hot and fun but doesnt want a gf. Then he tells my other best guy friend that he thinks i have an ok body and im cool but he thinks i dick around w/ people! Be lucky that didnt happen to you. im sure this guy feels strongly about you too, maybe not as much as you do, but im sure his first impression was like wow what do i say? I bet he was flattered and floored you could be so open. Most guys juss enjoy flings, but that doesnt mean he doesnt care a lot about you. If u go to him now and be open and say I bet i prolly weirded you out when i told u how i felt about you i juss had to get it out. And i was j/w if u could tell me honestly how u feel and no matter what it is u feel can we go back to being as good a friends as we were? If ure that up front so that he cant worm his way outta it and avoid the questions all youll get is honest answers and a good friend back! I hope I helped! *~LYL BABEZ-GOOD LUCK!~*
Posts: 15 | From: centereach, NY, United States | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DrQuack5
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*sigh*

I, unfortunately, am on the opposite end of all of this. My g/f (ex? I'm really not too sure right now) is in love with me. Or so she tells me. But I am not, nor anywhere near "in love" with her. And she thinks A.) that I just don't realize it yet or B.) that I lied all through the relationship. She doesn't seem to understand that there's a happy medium. Caused a big fight. Lots of tears. Much pain. Not fun at all.


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Chica101
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Hey I wanted to say a thank you to Cheergrl124 because listening to you really made my day. :-) I also understand where DrQuack5 is coming from. Love is such a strong feeling and its hard to find someone to share that feeling with that will always love you back the same way you love them. Even though I am only 15 I never felt I could feel this way about someone. Its a special feeling and as much as I tell myself I shouldnt like him anymore or this isnt going to wrk out... I cant just ignore what I have for him. Even if his feelings for me arent as strong. I know exactly what Cheergrl124 meant, most guys do just want a fling and a lot of times girls would like more out of it. I saw him last night and I thought that to myself that once I saw him I would just remember we are friends... But once again he sends mixed signals to me. He was being all touchy touchy and afterwards wanted me to hang out and go to this party with him because he is leaving for a week with his family. I couldnt go and I was super upset, but I was mostly worried that once he got to the party he would hook up with some girl there. Luckily he didnt and he called and told me he wasnt having that much fun because I wasnt there. Although I am worried that once he is on vacation with his family he will meet some girl there! I try my hardest not to be the jelousy type! I just hope that he does have true feelings towards me even if all he wants is to have a fling for the summer. Especially because we will be going to different highschools. I will be a sophomore and he will be junior but his best friend will be going to my school so it will make it easier for us to keep in touch! I promised myself that once he gets back I am going to sit him down and explain to him how I feel and I am sorry if I scared you away... but then I want to hear what he thinks and how he feels. Thanks again for listening and wish me luck!
Posts: 32 | From: Ft Collins | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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