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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Too Needy?

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Author Topic: Too Needy?
Member # 1881

Icon 5 posted      Profile for Cypher     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I suppose this is going to be a little bit of venting, but mostly I'm seeking imput and advice on my current situation....

Right now I lead a really hectic life. I've been in a relationship for just over a year now and we're headed off to school together on the other side of the country come September. I also have a really rough time with my own family (physical and emotional abuse) that I sometimes find hard to deal with. I live in a shared house with three guys and, while it isn't ideal, it's better than nothing.

The stress I've been experiencing over the past few months has accumulated with me developing physical problems. Stomach aches and tensing of my muscles. It's been really painful at times.

Needless to say I had an issue with my family at work today and it ended with me having one of my old stomach problems and me bleeding a little from my nether regions.

So I called my boyfriend (we're very close) while he was away for the day visiting his father and asked him if he could take me to the doctor tomorrow. I really didn't want to call him, but one of my co-workers insisted. He told me he's going to pick me up tomorrow morning and take me. He'll be back from his father's tonight, as he was supposed to be before.

I guess my problem here is that I feel bad for always needing him and relying on him when something like this happens. And that's fairly often. At least once a week. We already spend a lot of time together and I don't want my problems to overwhelm him. About six months ago they did and we went through a really rough period. Now we've grown from that and he tells me that he's matured and my personal issues no longer scare him or smother him.

I don't know. I can't help but feel like maybe they will. I hate unloading all this on him and relying on him quite so much. If I could do this alone I would, but the buses are on strike where I live and the doctor is nowhere nearby. I don't really feel comfortable talking to my friends about these things.

He's a great guy and I love him to bits, but I want to be fair to him. I don't want to smother him and make things worse on us. I don't know. Is this making any sense?

If anyone has any advice or feedback I'm eager to hear it. Thanks!

Smile, though your heart is breaking....

My crazy little universe....

"Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there....
With open arms and open eyes...."


Posts: 289 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3250

Icon 7 posted      Profile for SweetBeyond     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think you're being perfectly normal.

If you have personal problems, physical problems, they're all traits of who you are. And your boyfriend agreed to deal with these traits when you two started dating. Even if he found out about them later, he's still with you. That's a good sign.

I'm sure he's concerned about your well-being, and if that means taking you to the doctor for a checkup, I'm sure he's more than happy to oblige.

But besides all that, you need to talk to him. Ask if it bothers him that you depend on him so much, and if he says no, believe him. Don't add to your stress any more than you have to.

Good luck with moving cross country, and I hope this helped. And great job in being in such an emotional relationship and coming out on top!


Posts: 63 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 1371

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ErinK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think that ultimately, healthy and happy relationships achieve a state of balance.

That is, sometimes you really need your partner, and sometimes your partner really needs you, and over time, there is a balance there, but it's not always apparent in the day-to-day.

I mean, when your partner needed you, Cypher, were you there for him? Have you stuck by him through it all? I think you have, and he's done the same for you.

That being said, in my relationships I like to make a point of telling my partners that I appreciate their support, particularly if I've really been leaning on them, and also to make sure to check in with them and see if there's anything support-wise that they need from me. It's all part of keeping my balance. Maybe some of those suggestions would work for you.


Posts: 3077 | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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