Guys I got a problem. I've been best friends with this real sweet girl since we first met freshmen year. However, I've always wanted a little more. Every time I pursued it though I just got hurt, so after a while I gave up. We dated around and eventually we both got mixed up in relationships with really wrong people. Any way after we broke up with them we started hanging out alot more just the two of us. One week she got invited to this all girl honors thing through school and she asked me to drive her to it. Ok so I take her up there and to make a story that is already to long short, we got to talking and confessed feelings for each other I thought were long gone. We ended up making out then making love. Then of course she is gone for the week and Im stuck trying to figure it out. When she gets back she tells me that she doesn't want to get into a exclusive relationship because she had one for 2 years prior(freshman to junior)and that she doesn't want to mess with our friendship. But she still wants to date. women are so confusing. I guess I just need some support, needless to say I feel a little used but I don't want to pass up a chance to be with her. What do I do??
(((after I already typed this I saw you have just a Relationships message board if one of you counsiler types think it'd be more responded to there feel free to transfer)))
[This message has been edited by Romeo160 (edited 06-03-2001).]
how much of a risk do u wanna take? the transition from friend to partner can be hard and can make it end in tears or it could work really well. but ill leave it up to u.
Posts: 35 | From: England | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged |
I think the best thing you can do at this point would be to repect her decision to stay friends.
While she did confess her feelings for you, she did not promise you anything did she? And I think she must have given it quite some thought before deciding to stay friends first.
She just sounds like she doesn't want to get into anything heavy right now seeing how she has just come out of a relationship so respect that. Continue to be her friend if that's what you want to do and you never know, something might happen later when she is ready.
In the meantime, just treasure your friendship. After all, you said that you were best friends and I best friends are hard to come by. So while you might not have a gf, you can be assured you will always have a best friend. And really, is that that bad?
I don't really mind the idea of staying friends with her. I just wish I could get a straight answer. She doesn't want a straight exclusive relationship, but she wants to date as more than friends. She kissed me again today. You guys are already helping me so keep the advice coming. She never out right said she wanted to be just friends.
[This message has been edited by Romeo160 (edited 06-04-2001).]
Unfortunately I have had the same problem three times now! That line that romance may ruin a friendship is crap. There is something deeper I suspect. Granted, she has some fear about being in a romantic relationship. My problem is that it hurts to watch them get hurt by other people that may be romantic with. I have pondered whether I could be her friend with such feelings and discovered that I could not. I was tired about being hurt on a consistient basis. Ultimately I had to cut them out of my life or diminish their importance and roles they may have played in my life. I may still talk to them but things are different. I would alway get mad at myself and blame myself for having romantic feelings for these gals but it was not my fault. Girls need to realize that there is not such thing as a guy friend unless you grew up with him. No matter how nice and well-intentioned we may be we still would jump at the chance to be with that girl. I do not believe we can be just friends with a girl and be really close to her without feelings of romance. Girls should be careful when selecting guy friends with the view of maybe something more or at least open to the idea. My gals were totally repulsed by the idea of being romantic with me.
Posts: 6 | From: Chicago, IL, 60613 | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
I don't know about you guys but I can't just throw away a 3 year best friend just because they won't be my girlfriend. Im not about to toss her in any way, form, or fasion. She just means to much. We both agree if it doesn't work we could go back to friends in an instant. I know bc I had to do it before with her. Our friendship is alot stronger than you guys are taking into consideration. We just had our second date and it was rough, but we keep on discussing ever thing we think about us. We don't keep any thing inside. I recently found out that she usually waits literally months before she even kisses any one. I feel like we started our relationship Bass-Ackwards. Isn't it usually you date some one then you try to get them into bed. In this case we made love, now i can't get her to commit.
PS Keep the advice coming. If nothing ellse it at least gives me a little confidence.
[This message has been edited by Romeo160 (edited 06-08-2001).]
Copyright 1998, 2013 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.