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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » blinded...

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Author Topic: blinded...
short stuff
Activist
Member # 3415

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hey. my best friend has been in a relationsip with this guy for about 2 months. they dated about 3 months preior to the break up for about 5 months. i know she was in love with him. anyway, upto today, i see her hurting her, lying to her about little things and how to get out of doing things with her, but she is blinded by what he is doing to her. she keeps making excuses for him when i confront her on what he is actually doing.

i was wondering if this happened to you or a friend and how you resolved it. do you have any advice or a good way to help point out what he's doing to her. thanks.

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(heart) always, torrance

*so you stole my world, now i'm just a phony*
*i need to know if you were real, i'd hate to think that i've been fooled again*


Posts: 90 | From: seattle, washington, usa | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aquamarine
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I would probably gently clue her in on everything one instance at a time. Confronting her with all the evidence of lying, etc. all at once might just result in her being defensive and unwilling to see the truth.

And if that doesn't work, just remember that you've done all you can. My experience with friends that have been in equally unstable relationships: they eventually realized how they were being treated and dumped their boyfriends with or without advice. So take heart


Posts: 87 | From: bay area & new england | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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For someone who has just got out of what used to be a physically and verbally abusive relationship, let me tell you there is very little you can do.

My friends talked to me till their face turned blue and Caro tried to kidnapp me to Germany. It doesn't work hon.

Try talking to her as Aquamarine said and let her know how as an outsider you view the relationship. Make sure she is aware of all that is going on.

And if she refuses to listen, leave it. Be there for her and make sure she knows it but sometimes you just have to hit rock bottom yourself and when the time is right, you will know how to climb out of that hole yourself. She has to learn by herself. Sad but true.

Just stay by her side and let her know you are there honey. I hope she gets out of that destructive relationship as well.

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Want More Lin?


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
short stuff
Activist
Member # 3415

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hey. i am going to try to talk to her tomorrow at school and tell her what i think and be very polite about it. the thing that bothers me is that it is hard for me to just sit there and listen to her go on and on about how wonderful he is when he really isnt. (i dont even think he has called her at all this weekend since she left school early to go to her uncle's funeral.. see why she deserves better!) anyway.. thanks for the advice. i am going to be suttle and be there for her.. even though i cant stand that guy. thanks again. take care.

------------------
(heart) always, torrance

*so you stole my world, now i'm just a phony*
*i need to know if you were real, i'd hate to think that i've been fooled again*


Posts: 90 | From: seattle, washington, usa | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cypher
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That's a very tricky situation to be in, but one I am all too familiar with.

It's happened to me more than once, though. Certain friends get into relationships where they're taken advantage of, and mistreated, but the hardest part is that they accept it willingly. Deep down both of these girls knew that they were being used, but they were not only trying to persuade myself and their other friends that it was otherwise, but they were also trying to convince themselves. When you love someone it can be very hard to even concieve that they'd be able to hurt you like that.

At first I tried being a little subtle and hinting that some of the things that my friends were going through because of their boyfriends were unnecessary, but I must've been too subtle. Then I guess I just tried to stay out of it because I thought it was none of my business. When it finally got to be too much for me to watch, I sat my friend down and basically just told her the flat-out truth. One of them accused me of being jealous and got very angry at me. Her relationship ended two days later. The other just sat there and contemplated what I had to say and started crying because she knew it was true. Then she got rid of him and found a newer, more wonderful guy!

Be honest and be upfront. That's the best advice I can give!

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Smile, though your heart is breaking....

My crazy little universe....

"Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there....
With open arms and open eyes...."

-Incubus


Posts: 289 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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