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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » cheating

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Author Topic: cheating
bennyhanna
Neophyte
Member # 2932

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I have a horrible problem. I cheated on my girlfriend of almost 4 years on vacation this last week. I was really drunk and it was this random girl who I barley knew her name. It was the stupidest thing I think I have ever done. On this vacation I felt like I was in a whole new world. I felt like I was single or something. I don't know why I felt this way but I did. I know you are probably thinking that I am a jackass. That I shouldn't have cheated on her if I really loved her. I know that if I tell her we will break up. I should expect that. I am wondering if maybe I want to break up with her. I know that I don't. I love her so much and she has been my life for all of highschool. What should I do?
Posts: 3 | From: hollis, nh, usa | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Be big enough -- and give her enough trust and respect -- to tell her the truth and let her make the best choice for her accordingly based on the truth.

Real relationships have bad weather as well as good, and plenty of bumps in the road. If you don't give them the chance to weather the heard stuff, then the good stuff is pretty shallow and spindly indeed, eh?

People are human: we make mistakes. But the bigger mistake to make would be either lying about it, or splitting with her to avoid being confronted and dealing with this situation and challenge. That would be unfair and crappy to both of you. Far crappier -- in my book -- then making the mistake of cheating.

If you love each other, then you should afford one another the respect of always telling the truth, even when it's hard to do.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
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Member # 961

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And while you're at it, if you did anything even vaguely sexual, get screened for STD's. Loving someone means caring about their health. And, please, tell her. Lying's only going to cause problems later.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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Member # 2050

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I agree with Miz Scarlet. You did something wrong and you know it so own up to her. If she ever finds out from another source, things could be much uglier.

And for future reference, you might want to refrain from getting yourself into situations whereby you could end up cheating on her. For example, not getting drunk at parties is a good start.

Show her you are serious about not letting this happen again.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelwiththescabbedwings
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Member # 3099

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i was in a similar situation but i only kissed another guy, it was the most awful thing i could have done as i was blind drunk and my b/f was there and saw we had alot of trouble over it but i deserved it though. we nearly broke up but our relationship survived as we were able to discuss what had happened and realise it was a mistake and we loved each other too much to break up over it. i had to earn his trust again, but i felt better with him knowing the truth !! its definitely better that way i think, lies in a relationship can only be detrimental in the long run
Posts: 65 | From: australia | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ryuu
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Member # 742

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I don't think you should tell her. Every person has their own little dark secrets, and they are dark for a reason. Learn from your mistake, move on, with her, and if it starts eatin' at you, then it's time to shine some light on it.
Posts: 82 | From: Colorado, US | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cuddleslut
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Member # 3349

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I definitely think you should tell her. Last year I went out with a guy who I was very close to for 9 months. He cheated on me while I was in New York for a week by writing love letters and making out with this other girl. I had sensed that something was between them before I left, and asked him about it, but he completely denied that there was anything going on. However, a little while after I came back, I heard from a good friend that my boyfriend had indeed cheated on me while I was gone. As soon as I confronted him about it, while in near hysterics, he continued to deny it although he wasn't good at covering up his own panic--and eventually he admitted to the truth. Hearing it from someone else was a lot harder than hearing it from him, because it meant that not only had he been dishonest to me by way of cheating, but he'd lied to me about doing it, also. I ended up breaking up with him, naturally, but I probably would have been a lot more lenient if he had just told me. I think you should absolutely tell your girlfriend, because if nothing else she will know that she can trust you. And in a way, that proves that you're not a "cheater" anyway.
good luck. i hope everything goes well
love,
-Alex

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It's sickening how comforting the privacy of the mind can be...


Posts: 120 | From: california...well, at least it sounds cool. | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Laughs_Wisely
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Member # 2610

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TELL HER. I cannot emphasize that enough. If you care at all about her, you MUST tell her. Cheating and not telling, especially if the other person finds out, hurts the other person more than cheating and telling. If you do not tell her now, there's a pretty good chance that telling her later will break you up...
Posts: 140 | From: Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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