posted
My boyfriend is always upset about something. Little things just get to him and he cant let them go. It didnt really upset me untill recently because all we seem to talk about anymore is how much his life sucks. Especially since he is gonna be 2000 miles away until June (i hope)
Does anyone know a way i can help him to see that his life isnt going to come to an end because his ex girlfriend is mad at him, and his dad is an *sshole? Mind you this has to be over the phone which is what is posing the problem.
Im not getting to stressed out about this though, i just want him to be happy. I have tried not to let other people's problems get to me anymore because before i was seriously getting hurt by doing that. I just cant stand seeing my partner so upset all the time.
Posts: 523 | From: Ashland, Oregon, US | Registered: Jun 2000
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posted
I dated a guy like that once, and frankly, there was nothing I could do 'cause he simply did not want to change his world view. What I learned quickly about him, though, was he hated being told, "nahh, it's not so bad." I guess when you're chained to your pessimism, you block out the good in the world.
sorry this couldn't be more helpful, but it's my experience with the matter.
------------------ Kill your TV! And while you're at it, your mobile phone, too.
Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000
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I say "ouch" because by your description could be my ex. He could be very sweet and a lot of fun, but he also spent a great deal of time down in the dumps. Sometimes I agreed that he was justifibly down, and sometimes I just couldn't see what the big deal was, but being the supportive partner, I always tried to comfort him...and tried, and tried, and tried. It almost never worked, no matter what I did. Sometimes he'd even call other people so they could try to comfort him too. It took me years to figure out that he didn't really want to be comforted, he just wanted attention. If he'd really wanted comfort, he would have accepted my efforts and tried to cheer up instead of launching into new rounds of "No, you don't understand! Everything is gloom and despair!" etc., etc.
The sad fact is, you can't cheer up your boyfriend. Only he can do that. You can try, but you're just leading the horse to water.
My only real suggestion would be that you have a talk with your b/f at a moment when he's not upset about anything (assuming you can find one). Tell him that you care about him, but that you need him to tell you about the good parts of his life as well as the bad parts. It doesn't have to be anything big...maybe he had some really good french fries at lunch or something. Just anything to bring some balance back into your conversations. Good luck.
------------------ And I've got no illusions about you. Guess what? I never did. When I said, when I said, "I'll take it." I meant, I meant As Is. --Ani DiFranco, "As Is"
posted
I would just let him act the way he wants to act. I think you should try to get him to talk but if he doesnt want to then dont make him, it wont get you that far. Sometimes you cant help somebody, expecally if they dont want to talk. Sooner or later he is going to want to share his feelings with you or someone that he can confide in. Tell him the way you feel about the situation, maybe he will open up a little more. Good luck sweetz!!
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Good luck sweetz!!
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