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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » This n' that

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Author Topic: This n' that
KevMezz
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ok I just want to tell you that I know about my sister posting on here and I know it concerns me. I'm cool with that it doesn't bother me at all.

She did show me the post and everything she said was true.

I do get upset over a few things like I when my friend got a g/f, when I see couples walking together when I saw someone who I once asked out with her b/f and her new born and when I get rejected stuff like that.

The reason: because it's not happening to me I've not even come close. I dunno why, My sis says I nice and ok she's right. I've tried to forget out having a relationship but I can't, because it's something I've been longing to happen since i was 13 maybe younger.

I try to talk about it with my psycologist but I feel so embarrased about it.
This is the only place I can only talk about it openly......sad isn't it?


Posts: 118 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Beppie
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Kev, you are so lucky that you live on the opposite side of the world to me, because I really want to shake you right now. I've said it before, but being in a relationship IS NOT the be all and end all of existence. It doesn't make you a better person, it won't increase your self esteem (look to my last response of your sister's post), and more often than not, people who go out with someone for the sake of a "relationship" get hurt.

Now, it obviously is a big deal for you, and I really don't think your psychologist will think any less of you for talking about it. Psychologists can be pretty smart people, and it's possible that yours won't be at all surprised, and certainly won't be judgemental.

Anyway, what I want you to do now, is to go into the All About You forum here at Scarleteen, and post something about one of your hobbies, or just anything that you like doing, a TV show that you like watching, the books you like reading, anything along those lines. Just make a post about it.


Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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Okay i think Beppie might just really do it and fly over and shake you.

Kev, I know alot of people like you. Guys who are 20 and have never had a gf and feel like they are missing out. They deal with it by going out and making more friends, both guys and girls. You never know who might be the one so just enjoy what you have and make as many friends as you can. they might or might not develop into anything but so what? At least you have made the effort. Hang out with your buds, join some club at school, get a hobby.

Having a relationship is not everything. And I say talk to your psychologist. You can only talk to us over the internet, posting on message boards but you can talk to your psychologist face to face. Give it a try k?


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KevMezz
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Through the day I can deal with it, It just when I come home from work things seem to go down hill (or suddenly drop). I can't really go out with my mates because I don't get home it really late. So I usually get home, watch the TV, Play on the computer, go on the net.

I listen to the radio but sometime thats a bad idea because most of the songs are love songs and I they make me daydream a bit think what it would be like when/if it happens then I snap outta it and realise how lonely i am. Then I go bed and things just go from bad to worse to even worse.

I don't talk about this to any of my friends and family because my friend will probably say Get a life and my family just say don't worry about it.


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Beppie
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Don't worry, I'm not going to shake anyone.

It's worth noting though, Kev, that people in relationships often feel lonely too- they aren't always a cure for lonliness.


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StarryRedhead
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Kev, I agree with what everyone has said, but I'm going to add. It seems like you're sad about a lot right now, feeling lonely, and I'm sure it's not JUST because you're single. A relationship is not going to suddenly make everything okay, I can't say that enough. Relationships take work, even good relationships. I'm with someone that means the world to me right now and he makes me very happy, but there are still days I feel sad and lonely, days I question the future, things don't always go smoothly, I cry sometimes, we have to work at our relationship. Relationships are not all fun and games.

I've told you this before but I'm gonna tell you it again because sometimes when you hear it enough you'll believe it. Find your happiness as a single guy first. Usually the relationships that turn out the best are the ones that happen when both people involved are happy with themselves as one person before beginning a relationship. Before I started seeing my guy romantically I was very happy just by myself, going out, having fun, being with friends, enjoying myself, he was just an added bonus. And just so you know we were friends for more than a year before we became a couple, relationships can take time to form.

I would suggest going out, meet new people, make friends, enjoy who you are and what you have right now. Life is short. Take a walk, look at all the really wonderful things around you, by yourself, where you can think and realize that there's so much more to live for than just having a girlfriend. Relationships happen when they happen, not when you want them to happen, and you'll see that you'll feel better in any relationship if you find your happiness first. And I'd talk to your Psychologist about how you feel, they're usually pretty good at listening and I think it might help you to talk about how you feel face to face with another person.

------------------
}{*Starry Ali*}{
"D'you get scared to feel so much? To let somebody touch you? So hot, so cold, so far, so out of control. Hard to come by, and harder to hold."


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lilnerd
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I would love to have a boyfriend. And I say that very shakily because it seems like everytime I find someone I have an interest in things just tend to end up bad. Take the last guy I saw as a potential boyfriend; last week I spent the entire night crying because, after telling me he shared my feelings a week before, he tells me he kind of has a thing for someone else. Since that last guy I've decided that is really is true... you can't *find* anything you haven't lost-- meaning if what you are doing is just going out and looking to find a relationship it's just not gunna happen. You have to accept yourself as you are now (as the single person you are as Starry said) and then, and only then, when you least expect it...someone might just walk into your life, someone you'd like to get to know. Don't give up on yourself or think about it constantly. Self Esteem is a major turn on (for me anyway) So you've gotta work on that kiddo Cheer Up Chipper

------------------
"Live a balanced life - Learn some and think some, and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some."

~~ Robert Fulghum, author ~~


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KevMezz
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I just like to say thank you to all who have replied. I don't like talking about this stuff too much because after a while to me it just sounds so pathetic. but just one more thing I just want to add.

On new years day I was sat in my room and I thought to myself "well another year gone and what have i achivied?" And I have done something that have been good but I don't reconise them because of how much i want to be with someone.

I do know that relationships aren't easy and have up and downs and I know it doesn't happen just by looking for it. What gets me the most is that nearly everyone I know have/had a relationship, had sex or at least been kissed. I haven't done any of that sex doesn't bother me I'm not in any rush for sex I would rarther wait untill i'm ready for that and at the momment i'm not.

But it seems like everyone gets the good stuff first, my life isn't really that good for me because of my medical probs. I go in hospital twice a year, and when I wake up I find I'm rigged up to something tubes going into because something happen that they hoped wouldn't.

And my friends still can't see why my self-esteam is low.


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Rizzo
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I can sympathize with feeling jealous when you see couples in public, or when you hear only love songs on the radio. It's true, our culture is obsessed with sex/romance... BEING with someone.

As others have been saying, sexual love is not the only thing in the world. Agonizing over love, making it your main goal, is a terribly frustrating way to live. For a long time I lived like that, obsessing over crush after crush, putting too much effort into looking pretty, and being in the right place at the right time. It wasn't until I stopped trying that I actually fell in love.

When you think about it, wouldn't it be more fun to put effort into hobbies you enjoy, than into moping and trying to impress people?


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KevMezz
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What you say rizzo is so right infact you all are but how can I stop longing to be with someone when I've been doing it for nearly 5 years.

I have some hobbies but i can't put time into them without having money but now I've got this job hopefully I can.

I also would like to go out with my friends for the night to a club or something but all my friends have left me and when I ask if they are going out they don't want to go or they lie by saying they are not going then they do and don't tell me


Posts: 118 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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