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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » What would you do?

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Author Topic: What would you do?
jknee24
Neophyte
Member # 2477

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I've been with my boyfriend for well over 2 years. We have a good relationship and I really love him. Here's the story...he gave me some pictures of him and some of his buddies from when they went on a trip together. They were fine, nothing bad. I recently (like yesterday) went through those pictures again because I like to look at pictures and for some reason I was looking at the negatives. Here's the deal...I found 3 negatives that I had not seen the pictures and I wanted to know what they were. I took them to a one hour developing place and once they were done, well, I found that my boyfriend was in pictures with a topless girl in a g-string and a guy fishing something out of her g-string with his mouth. Now, I always thought we had an honest relationship and finding these pictures really hurt me. I've asked him to be honest with me all the time and I feel that hiding the pictures is a form of lying. He's lied to me LOTS of times before. Even when I KNOW the truth, he'll still stick to his lying story. I'm thinking that he's hiding this, what else is he hiding? I guess I just want to know what would you do if you were in my shoes. I'm feeling kinda at a loss right now. Thanks and sorry for the book.
Posts: 1 | From: CA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Either make him face the music or call off the band, that's what.

Honestly, you really CAN'T have a good relationship if someone in it can't tell the truth or be trustworthy, or even be accountable when he has lied, and let me tell you from experience:: it doesn't just stop or go away. people who lie keep on lying for as long as you'll let them get away with it.

I agree the hiding the photos is pretty darn deliberate, and it certainly is being dishonest. Flatly, I'd state my case and set some limits and stick to them. In other words, he stops lying to you and playing games or you're done with him and your relationship.

You can't build a relationship of lies and half-truths. The only person who ends up being fooled is you.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
Activist
Member # 2050

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Bottomline.

He has lied. MANY times. And he is still lying. A relationship is nothing without trust. It is pretty obvious he is just not taking this relationship as seriously as he should be.

I'm very big on such things. My guys lies to me, he's out on his ear. Especially when it comes to something like this.

have a talk with him and set some ground rules and stick to them. Let him know that you are not going to put up with this kind of behaviour.

It must hurt alot hon and I'm sorry this had to happen. I've been through it and really, not being able to trust the person you love is the most horrible thing in the world.

He has to treat you with more respect than this. Coz you deserve it.

[This message has been edited by Lin (edited 01-25-2001).]


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StarryRedhead
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Member # 607

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I agree with what was said, lying is never a good thing, hiding things in a relationship never really works in the long run.

Talk to him about it. Confront him and tell him that you want him to be honest, even if it's something that maybe he thinks will make you upset. And if he thinks it's something that will upset you, to let you know BEFORE it happens, that way you're not put in the position you're in now. Cause it's not fair to you in any way. And you said it yourself, if he hid this from you, what else could he be hiding?

And right now maybe you should step back and see if this relationship can really work. If he lies to you then continues lying even after you know the truth, I would consider that a pretty big problem, wouldn't you? Talk to him about it.

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}{*Starry Ali*}{
"D'you get scared to feel so much? To let somebody touch you? So hot, so cold, so far, so out of control. Hard to come by, and harder to hold."


Posts: 367 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SurfGal
Activist
Member # 316

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Relationships should be built on trust and honesty. (this is true not only in romantic relationships, but also in friendships and families) I think that you should sit down and talk to him, establish what is acceptable and what isn't. Tell him that if he isn't honest with you, you can't trust him. Good luck!
Posts: 81 | From: Jacksonville, FL. 32218 | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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