Basically, in case you don’t know, I cheated on my b/f… and my pathetic Ross vs Rachel ‘excuse’ being that we were having a ‘break’ from the relationship, and that things hadn’t been good between us for a long time.
He was completely devastated, angry, hurt - I felt terrible, and for two months he didn’t let me get over my guilt, he encouraged it (though I don’t think this was on purpose).

We decided we could try to work things out, by taking things slowly... and even though this isn’t how I wanted to work it, I let if be, since I felt that being the offending party I should be glad he was even talking to me at all. So we did. We saw each other rarely, and didn’t get to emotional about what was happening with either of us…

I hadn’t seen him for about 6 days, so I decided to call around to see him (he knew I was coming)..

Then.

I noticed a) a funny smell and b) feathers from a feather boa on the floor.
Coupled with a guilty look on this face, I asked him if he’d had sex with someone. Of course he had. Except not with one, but two girls as a threesome in one night. And both girls are from his band.

Now he wants to get back together, because “we’re even”... He’s gotten his, and I’ve gotten mine.

I need some opinions on this situation… quite honestly it’s tearing me apart from the inside out.

Any ideas? Opinions?

entropie

Want the unexpurgated truth?

Anyone who considers having sex "getting even" shouldn't be in a serious relationship with anyone. Too, his reaction to your situation, intentional or no, sounds very emotionally immature and destructive.

Really. And without pushing the envelope too much (I know you;re sensitive right now), the last few stories you've posted here about this relationship sound a little to me like one or both of you are traying really hard to hang on to something that's just gone -- and before either of you had other partners.

What does he think this is? revenge? Just because you slept with someone else, he has the RIGHT to? No way. You made a mistake. And he was hurt by it. Now he wants to hurt you back? Knowing full well how it felt like to be "betrayed"?

I know it hurts. But, it is not worth it. What will happen next time if maybe in a fit of anger you hit him (just an example), is he going to slap you back coz then now you are "even"?

My ex was a big believer of the revenge rubbish. If I hurt him, he made sure he hurt me back. It hurts even more because I knew why he was doing it. For revenge. If he loved me, why would he put me through so much pain intentionally?

I think he never meant for you to find out but because you did, he used your "mistake" to squirm his way out of it. In this case, he is a bloody loser. Ask yourself, will this happen again? Will he hop into bed with another girl 2 weeks later and justify it by saying "you hurt me so much when YOU slept with another guy so I think you shld kno how it feels". from personal experience, it will happen again. Dun let him manipulate you like this.

But if he slept with the 2 girls intentionally to spite you, for revenge, ask he to F*** off. He is a bastard. He does not love you. And if he says he does, it is a warped love. Like after whacking their gfs into a coma, the guy goes "I'm sorry. I love you so much." You deserve much better. Trust me. This will never end. I went through all this rubbish for 2 years.

BTW, I was always on Rachel's side. If you need someone to tok to, I'm always contactable by email.

[This message has been edited by Lin (edited 12-12-2000).]

Entropie, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, and the hanging on isn't helping. Maybe it's time to just make a clean break, spend some time as a "single" getting reacquainted with the other people in your life and with yourself.

------------------
*~*Kelli*~*

Anyway, as an actual responce... guys are dogs, but girls aren't perfect too. We cheat also! And for a guy thinking that he has to outdo you by doing not one but 2 girls, then he's just not worth it. If I were you I'd smack him across the face, but I have a tendancy to be violent...