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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Real "Love" (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Real "Love"
Heather
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One thing that makes me very said, is that often in letters we get, teens write in saying the "love" someone, using quotes with it, or directly explaining that they aren't sure they can casll it that because they've been told they are too young to know what that is.

Really, that's awful.

In all honesty, even when we're older, we can't ever really say we know what that is, but what we can say -- any of us, regardless of our age -- is that we know what it means to us, based on our ideas and life experience, and we know what it feels like right NOW and has before, and what we imagine it to be. You can make that assessment whether you're 12 or 65. Really.

So, hey, don't qualify your "love." Enjoy it, relish it, have faith in it and know that the only person who can tell if you feel it or understand it is you. There are all kinds of love, and a million different depths of feeling, and all of those are determined by our personalities and experiences, not by our age.

When you ask if it's "real," all you need to really be asking is if it's "real" to you. That's what counts.


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Mophead
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[devil's advocate]
Just remember not to rush into something ****** because you think you "love" the person. Not only youths do that, adults do, too.

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Heather
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Well, I'd agree with you there, Mophead. And that's good advice for teens and adults alike.

We always need to make sure that our hearts and heads work in tandem, not as opposing forces. If they're constantly in opposition, we need to take a look at why.

(and yes, I set the word-nanny to cross out the word s-t-u-p-i-d, because too many kids call themselves that, and it's very disempowering)


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DMSATX357
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My girlfriend and I are in love and have been together for 8 months. I never had a girlfriend for even over a month before this relationship. I believe that I truly know love at this moment in time, but I also believe that my definition of love can change.
While I do agree with Miz Scarlet that you are in love when it is real to you, I believe that teenagers are in a rush to be in love and expierence all those unknown things. That is when they mistake other things for a feeling of love and they get in over their heads (this definately includes me).
I know that having sex (intercourse) definately complicates those feelings, and that is why my girlfriend and I have never had sex.
I think that a safe guage of readiness for when you are emotionally ready to have sex, is when you are comfortable with your feelings of love for the other person. Only then will you be able to handle the new feelings that come with a deeper relationship.

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kitten
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Eek! I confess... I have a problem qualifying my feelings as "love". I feel so bad about it to, because me and Jason get in fights over that a lot. I've been giving him a hard time lately.
When I feel sooo strongly for somebody, like I do him, I want to say it's love, but then past experiences make me think "Wait a minute... what if this is just some cruel hormonal imbalance? What if it's not REALLY love. What if I don't "love" him. What if he doesn't love ME?" And so on...
I'm a real pain to tell you the truth. He told me once "Why can't something just be for the sake of being? Why do you care so much about the whys and hows? It's there! Can't you just accept the fact that I love you and quit sassing me?" *tehe*
He's too cute.

sigh

So what's wrong with me? What can I do to change?

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Janice
=^..^=
Meow, baby!


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lemming
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eeeaaaahhh...don't worry too much about changing, Janice. I think he just needs to sigh and reassure you some more. *giggle*

no, really, I'm the same way. sometimes we just feel more insecure than other times. I think another important factor is that at least we're thinking about it and trying to figure out what we feel, and no one can blame us for that!

good luck with you and Jason... ;] sounds like an understanding guy anyway, so he should have no problem dealing with you in future.......*smirkety smirk smirk*

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~the semi-elusive lemming


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vigeny
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I think the meaning of 'love' has a very wide range. For different ppl, love may have different meanings in their live. Some ppl may think that when they love someone they must spend time with them, share problems and etc. but to some other ppl, to love someone doesn't mean they have to be with her/him...it's the matter of how u want to define it..
I've been in relationship many times, some short terms and the recent one has been for 8 months. But that doesn't mean that in those short terms relationship, it wasn't true love...

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viGeny


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Heather
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Vigeny,
I'd agree with you. Excellently said.

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The Star
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Kay, i think that love is very much present in SOME teen relationships, but unfortunately, EVERY teen thinks they are in love (damn hormones)and therefore teh validity of the love is questioned by our elders.
i think I'm in love...of course, i ALWAYS think im in love...but this time IS different in some ways. first, its the longest relationship ive ever had...2 years...(im 18). We haven't had sex, but are discussing it seriously, which to me indicates a mature relationship to at least SOME degree...and we have plans for the future. Anyways, that's my 2 cents. thanks!

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Angel in Disguise
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I don't know if i'm in love as i've only been with Chris for a short time but I hope i will be soon.

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Linzi + Chris 4 eva


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Heather
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Take a minute to recognize that there IS a difference between feeling love, and being "in love."

Being "in love" is by definition romantic, "love" can be many things and apply to many different relationships.

Literally, being "in love" simply means you are having a feeling towards someone that makes you feel romantic and may grow into "love."


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~sullengirl~
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To me love means a lot. U could go around the whole world searching 4 that someone and never know that they were there inf ront of U the whole time. Now I'm only 14 and have only had a boyfriend or two and I'm glad. But I really want to find that sopmeone I can share my own infatuation with.
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~sullengirl~

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Scar
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I liked this site and its general message.
I'm a 21 year old girl who hasn't forgotten what it is like to be a troubled teenager...it was really difficult! I'm pretty sure I've found true love now and have been working at my relationship for 2 years. I'd love to answer questions about true love or relationships based on the one I have with my boyfriend...
It's worth it...so hang on you all!

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Scar
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Hey Kitten, I know exactly what you mean...questioning and re-questioning relationships. I do it with more than love too...with every feeling I have. One one hand I think it's great to question and think about things, that way you'll not be in danger of fooling yourself. (For example, if you feel like you're in "love" only because you enjoy the attention "he" gives you or something like that). On the other hand, constantly questioning it can detract from your enjoyment. I think it's great if Jason knows how you feel and you are both willing to accept the consequences and be mature about it if you do discover sometime later that it wasn't "true love" to your definition. After all, whatever it is, you should both be enjoying your relationship and be looking back at everyday with fond memories that will make it worth it all even if it does end.
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Goober
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Hi All. I am 17, and I know what love is to me. I've found him. But I am one of the lucky few. I have friends that are experiencing the love adults question. They rush into everything, and are trying to change each other. It saddens me, and I've tried to help, but have not succeeded. I know why adults question teenage love, and I believe they should. The teenage love that is true will withstand the questioning, and prevail. That which is false, will fail in the end. I believe it is all for the best. If two people truly love each other, nothing will keep them apart...(must i mention Romeo and Juliet, Pyramus and Thisbe, etc.) People of any age can love someone else. A six year old may love the babysitter, because at six, all the child needs is someone to be nice to them for the child to love the person. To me at 17, love means someone who cares for me even when we're in the middle of a disagreement, someone who is there for me whenever I need them, someone who feels just like I do, and so many other things. I've found my love, and I hope everyone who reads this finds theirs soon. :Þ

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OW!


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wear*a*smile!
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hey all. well, this is the way i see it. if u asked 10 different people what love meant to them u would get 10 different answers. i have a boyfriend, and i haven't even been w. him for a month, but i love him because we liked eachother even before we were going out. He loves me and i love him, but i try not to go around saying, "oh, i have a boyfriend and we love eachother" to my friends and people because like i said, everyone has different definitions of love. i think love is when u move on from the " ohmigod, he looked at me!!!" or the "he hasn't called me for an hour, he's dumping me, right?" love is moving on from just liking them for they're looks or body. its still loving them even when u realize they have flaws. love is...love is... hmm, i don't think love has a definition, love is wonderful???? eeek, someone help me. anyone agree with me>?>?

wear*a*smile
put a smile on ur face, to make the world a better place!!!


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rbees_gurl_411
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I agree with many of you about the different definitions of love. But I have been with my boyfriend of 11 months and he is wonderful. He makes me smile and is always there when I need him. And I have done nothing but grow to love and care for him more and more each day. Yet lately I have found a feeling as though I don't feel as I have a little "crush" anymore. I do believe he is right for me. Yet I can't really know for sure. Is this feeling of not being so needy of him a sense of maturity??
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Hanne
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Yes, not feeling needy is a good thing, in my book. Loving someone, wanting to be with them, enjoying their company, liking them better than anyone else, and so on are all wonderful things -- you don't have to feel like you're going to explode if you can't be with that person in order to love them.

Just keep in mind that if you're going to have a life to share with someone, you have to have a life! That means that some of the things you do are going to be things you do for yourself and even by yourself, and that you don't need to have someone be with you 24/7 to share yourself and your life with them. In fact, it's usually more comfortable if both parties in a relationship have some space of their own -- otherwise you can start to feel crowded and like you never get any time to yourself!

When you remember these things, it helps put the "neediness" issue in perspective, and helps you remember the parts of loving someone that are the most important ones.

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Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted


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Bittersweet
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I agree that love means dfferent things to different people. But I wonder, is it possible to be "in love" more than once? I've been other people but I've only been in love once with my current girlfriend. So I don't know if its possible to be in love more than once or if you only love your soul mate. If such a thing exists.
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Hanne
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Sure, it's possible to be in love more than once. It's even possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. Doesn't happen to everyone, but it sure isn't completely out of the question.

Most of us end up being in love with and/or loving several different people over the course of our lives, in terms of romantic love. Often when you're in a very strong love relationship, it may feel like you could never love another person that way. And in some ways that's true, because you don't love every person exactly the same. The emotions change a little bit with every relationship.

That doesn't mean you might not feel just as in love with someone else later on down the road as you feel with the person you're in love with right now. If that happens, it'll be just as intense, but it will also be different, if that makes any sense.

Of course, you never know what'll happen to you specifically until it does. All I can tell you is that it's possible, and that it happens.

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Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted


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nyam
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Defining love... very diffcult but a fun task (get to think about such a nice topic )

One of the single best moments of my life was when I misjudged my distance and got my belt loop caught on a door knob. I felt so foolish but the first thing out of my boyfriend's mouth was "Oh, I love you ". Then I _knew_ he meant it.

~nyam~

[This message has been edited by nyam (edited 22 June 2000).]


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texmexgirl
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It frustrates me when I see or hear the word love being thrown around so carelessly. Love isnt a feeling, its is something that you can feel, but it isnt an emotion. Love is a descision...a commitment that you make to that special person saying "no matter what circumstances we may face, I am right here with you" It is a descision to love that person even when you dont feel like it.
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lightfoot
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My girlfriend and I both said we love each other. And I truely do love her. But we broke up this week. After a two hour conversation on the subject it came down to that she didn't really know if she loved me for a boyfriend, or if she loved me as a friend. But we both agreed that we didn't want to lose each other. So now after some stuff happend when we were together we have to go through a very akward stage. Just to see if we can make it as friends. I hope we do.

So here is some advice. Make sure you both have your feelings straight before you start saying things. People could get hurt.


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Heather
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You know, though lightfoot, my feelings on the matter are that love, rather than being "in love" transcends roles. In other words, if we really love someone for who they are -- not for who they are to US -- then though it isn't always easy to switch gears, we can do it.

I lived with a romantic partner for five years, and by the end of that time, it was clear to both of us that we really made better friends. It still hurt a lot to part romantically, and we both took some time to heal, but now we have been close friends -- just as close as we were before -- for years.

I don't doubt your girlfriend meant what she said when she said it, or that she loves you. I think, though, that too many of us mistake someone saying they love us for "I"ll love you forever in EXACTLY the same way I love you now." Not only is that not realistic, it's no way to make love last and to grow as people. besides, things change. I had a partner who died when I was in my teens, and I don't love him any less just because he's gone.

Look at some couples who have been together for 50 years, and talk to them. Most of them will tell you that they've been just about everything to each other at many different times.

I'm sorry that you're hurting right now, but if you do really both love each other, I'm sure you'll find a way to love you're both happy with in time.


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higheels
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I think most teens do not belive that we can't fall in love but that theay are afrad to fall in love and saying "love" makes them feel better b/c if it is just "love then they wont get hurt as bas as they would w/love when it is over.

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~*ROCK ON*~


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honey
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Love comes in amny forms...and it is true that people rush things in order to feel or be loved. I know people that were in love before but it didn't work out and now they're looking for that same feeling again but it's just not there yet.
*********************************************
But i feel amazing...only about a week ago i mey someone amazing. I can't stop thinking about me and he tells me he feels the same way. I don't know if it's love...but i know that it will be if we both work @ it. And that's the best goal i could ever have...to make my way to love. He's the sweetest person, he tells me all the time that whatever decision i make, he wil back me up 100%. He's just everything i could ask for, and that's why i'm waiting before we get into a relationship just to make it that much more stronger, and to make love even more easy for me to fall into!
*********************************************

~*Love Always*~
Sabrina:aka Honey


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honey
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oops above i said "i can't stop thinking about me" i meant to say him...not me!
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Musickat01
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Personally, I think it sounds like a crush.
I have been dating my boyfriend Mike for a year and 3 months. I had a crush on him for 6 years befor him and I even started going out. Around our 6 month anniversary, we got into a huge fight and we broke up. When we didn't talk to each other for about a week, I realized that I really missed him and thats when I realized that I actually loved him. Mike and I get into a few fights because he has a temper but everyone has some flaws. And I love him even more for it!!! But trust me, if you aren't sure if it is love, or a crush... Its not love because you will know love when you find it

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~*~Katrina~*~


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angelic-demon
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I have been going out with the same guy for about 2 years. When we met, I was 16, and I didnt want to say love, or tell him that I loved him because I had constantly recieved the message that teenagers couldn't love, or that the love I felt was somehow inferior to what adults felt. Adults I met showed an attitude of "its only infatuation, it wont last."

Two years later, I am still dating the same guy, but my attiude and those of people I talk to about it are much different. People who once called my relationship "puppy love" are now asking me if we are going to get married! What I feel now isnt any different than what I felt for my boyfriend when I met him two years ago. Love is what you feel. It isnt dependent on age. I love my boyfriend, and now im not afraid to tell that to him or anyone else!


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Musickat01
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YOU GO GIRLFRIEND!! I second that!! lol

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~*~Katrina~*~


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LilBlueSmurf
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*bumpity bump*

This is a really old topic, but important still. Thoughts anyone?


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lilnerd
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The majority of people (my age, and above) use the words 'love' and 'hate' with absolutely no thought or real feeling.

Just because you're going out with someone doesn't mean you love them.. just because you're friendly with someone doesn't mean you love them.. just because you dislike something doesn't mean you hate it.

I think these words lose meaning after you use them a certain amount of times. My friend, the last few boyfriends she had, she supposedly "loved" them all...until they broke up. As wonderful as it would be to experience love so often, it is extremely rare to have such deep and powerful feelings with every partner you're involved with.


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Stephanie03
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HELP ME PLEASE! My boyfriend and I have been going out for 4 and a half months. Its a long distance relationship. He used to be a badboy, and he is a foster child. So We've been through some heavy crap. A couple weeks ago he called me and told me that he didn't think it was a good idea that we be together anymore.. I said why? He said..Because I don't wanna put you through anymore hell. I said okay, and hung up. I took it okay I guess.. I was so shocked that it really didn't hit me until i heard the song "I cry" by:Ja Rule. And i started to ball my eyes out. Then I talked to him 2 days after that and he said that he never in his wildest dreams to ever dump me but he said he had to cuz he didn't wanna drag me through lock up if he went and etc, and have me get upset, and hurt. Which I went through all of it before fine. The fact that he didn't talk to me about it first before he decided to dump me to protect me from him losing me. 4 days after that I convinced him that I could handle anything he puts me through and now we're back together. Its been 2 and a half weeks, and I love him, but I don't know if that's just my heart just thinking it does, but it really doesn't or what. And a good guy friend of mine is REALLY interested in me, and I'm really interested in him also. but I still feel as if i love my b/f.. but I don't know.. am I just stuck there and not loving him? But I love my guy friend VERY much.. We've gotten close and he's everything my boyfriends not, or so I'm convinced. The thing is when my boyfriend broke up with me he really hurt me, and I think thats why I'm not deeply in love with him like i was when we first went out... HELP ME! I'm thinking about dumping my boyfriend for my good guy friend. HELP ME GIRLS..PLEASE!
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DillonsGirl22
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This is a very good subject, cuz everyone has their own opinion on it. I think that love is truley undescribable, and there are so many ways to define it. From Miz Scarlets first post, I agree with her about that it's not right for adults to tell younger people that they aren't in love, or that they love someone. I am 16, and I know that I am in love and that I have found my soul mate. It's just how I feel, and my heart has been telling me for the last three years that he is the one. Everything that we have been through together, I know that I am truley in love with my guy, and I want to spend my whole life with him. My parents are those kind of adults who think that I am too young to know that I feel that strongly about someone. They try to tell me that its just a phase and I will get over it, and that I am way to young to be in true love with someone. I think that if that was the case, that I wouldn't have been with him these past three years. Love is so amazing, and it's the best feeling that someone can experience with someone. I just hope that younger people like myself let those adults tell you that you don't someone and that you dont know what love is, because if you feel it with your heart, and you know you are, than you must be. If anyone wants to talk to me about this subject, be free to email me, cuz I would love to chat!

~Dillon and Kassie Forever~

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~*K.M.*~


Posts: 13 | From: Illinois | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Butterflyinthesky
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Member # 4377

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I think people are just confused because there needs to be a word between like and love. Like is to mild in some cases and love can be too extreme. It sounds corny to say you really really like someone, so I thik if you put love in quotes it lessens the degree...?

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"Do as you will, always walk where you like your steps, do as you please, I'll back you up." ~ *DMB*


Posts: 11 | From: MA | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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