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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Support(PLEASE HEATHER ANSWER)

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Dee
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Hey i dont have support from my family because of my sexuality(bisexual).. I've always thought about suicide but never really commited to it.. but for now i cut.. What should i do to make them understand enough??
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Hey, Dee. I'm finishing here for the day, but we can talk more tomorrow.

One thing I can't talk well with you about is suicide: I've both lost loved ones to suicide and have had other issues around it in my life, and it's just one thing I am unable to talk to people well about. That said, suicidal thoughts are also something to take very seriously and that we don't have the resources via this site and organization to handle, anyway. I'd suggest you take those thoughts seriously. If you are having them, please tell a healthcare provider or call a hotline which can help you, like the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Trevor Project at: 866-488-7386. Okay?

Like I said, we can talk more in-depth tomorrow, but please know tonight that we can't always get family support with our sexual orientation, or can't at a given time. Even if your family can't be supportive right now, as you probably won't be able to turn around their attitudes quickly, we can talk about other ways you can get and feel more supported.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Ok but maybe u can email me at my Email address because i do want to talk to about something but just not on here im not really comfortable talking about on here
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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We're not able to counsel users via email, due to the limitations of our resources as well as issues of liability.

So, what we can offer you is to talk here anonymously, as you are, or to help get you connected to someone, such as other hotlines or an in-person counselor, who you can speak with more directly and more privately.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Aww but I like you soo much... U seem really helpful to
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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That doesn't change the limitations and structure of our organization, alas.

I'm glad to talk with you, we just need to do it in the avenues we can do that in, which in regard to my job here are the message boards, the text service (which isn't so great for longer conversations) and the advice column format like you've used already.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Ok i wouldnt want u to lose your job... But what can i do to make them understand that im not change because they dont like it
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Heather
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That's a tough question with, I'm afraid, an equally tough answer.

The hard truth is that you may not be able to make them understand that, and they may not understand or accept that for a while. I don't know your family or how unaccepting they are of anything other than heterosexuality. Some people's families will come around, and some sooner while others later, and other people's just won't.

So, what you probably want to focus most on is how you can live in the family you do and take the best care of yourself around this. can you fill me in on what's going on? Are you dating anyone right now; in other words, is this about them not accepting relationships, or, right now, is this only about them not accepting how you identify?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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No im not dating anyone right now.. But i had a long time gf for 3 years.. But they dont accept either of those.. They feel because im only a teenager that I fully dont understand it myself... But i truly do deep down
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Heather
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So, are you saying this is only about your age? That they're accepting of older people who are bisexual or homosexual?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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I guess it's because i havent full been through certain thinks... But im mom does have a homosexual guy friend and she loves him to death.. And i guess that she is more accepting to older people because they've been through everything i guess
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Heather
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This is good news, actually: if your mother is generally accepting but this is about age, then you have some possible ways in here.

For starters, have you ever talked to your Mom's friend about this? Because he probably knows, as do many of us who are queer, that most of us knew or at least had some clue about what our orientation was when we were younger, just like straight people. He probably also knows how many straight people assume that straight people can know their orientation when they're young, but not queer people, which is obviously a double standard: either you can know your orientation or not, it's not like folks of one orientation can but others cannot.

He might be able to better communicate these things to your Mom than you, or might be able to help you with this.

Alternately, have you and your mother ever been able to talk calmly about the facts I just mentioned together?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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I havent talked to my Mom's friend but it seems like a good idea.. And no because seems like why bother when shes already made up her mind
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Heather
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Minds are often way more flexible than people give them credit for.

So, my best suggestion is to first try talking to your Mom's friend about how you're feeling: give him a call, ask if he'd have a coffee with you alone, and tell him how you're feeling and that you could really use an ally to help you feel more accepted by your Mom.

It's incredibly likely he'll be more than happy to help you out, since chances are, he's been where you are.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Yea i will give him a call.. Because i adore him.. THANK SOOOOOO MUCH Heather <3
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Of course! [Smile]

Feel free to pop back to let us know how it goes, or if you need more help.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Member # 56776

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i will
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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