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Kowai
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Oh, please, help me. I don't know what to do. I've started going out with a guy since 2 months before. But a couple of days before, he told me that he has this problem: his mind is so perv [he said], that everytime he holds me, he feels that he need to have sex. But he doesn't want for me to do it, because he knows that I'm not ready, and I'm NOT. He told me that if that necesity doesn't lows, we'll separate. But he needs my help. I don't know what to do. When we talk over the phone or internet, he says nice things, but... He says he wants to control himself, and doesn't what to force me to do anything. His former girlfriends were all girls who only wanted sex and no feelings were involted. And he says that he got used to that, and now he cannot control himself.... I don't know what to do. He told me that he loves me, and, besides all, he was the one who had a crush on me.... Please answer soon, and if you need more details, just ask, ok?

~Kowai


Posts: 1 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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quote:
And he says that he got used to that, and now he cannot control himself....

To be blunt, that's absolute crap. If he is a sane rational human being, then he can control himself just fine.

If he genuinely can't control himself (which is extremely unlikely) and doesn't want to hurt you, then he should seek psychiatric help at the nearest emergency room right now. And in that case, it would not be safe for him to be in a relationship with you or anyone else.

quote:
his mind is so perv [he said], that everytime he holds me, he feels that he need to have sex.

There's nothing "pervy" about having sexual thoughts and feelings when you're physically close to someone you're attracted to.

But we get to choose how we act on those feelings, and we have to take responsibility for how we act.

If he feels he needs sex, he can masturbate - his body doesn't know the difference between a hand and a vagina. Nothing "makes" someone force sex on an unwilling partner.

quote:
He told me that if that necesity doesn't lows, we'll separate. But he needs my help.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's being pretty manipulative.

You know, and he knows, that you're not ready to have sex. If he truly can't handle waiting until you do feel ready, then you should indeed break up.

But putting pressure on you with these claims about how he can't control himself and it's all the fault of his previous girlfriends is a very bad sign.

What he seems to be saying, if you boil it down, is that he understands that you're not ready to have sex, but hey, he has this out-of-control libido and so he might just lose control and rape you.

And he's got you feeling sorry for him by telling you that he loves you and needs your help.

Frankly, I'd ask yourself if that's really the sort of guy you want to be with. And if you do want to continue the relationship, then he's going to have to change his behaviour and take responsibility for his own actions.

[This message has been edited by logic_grrl (edited 06-07-2003).]


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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