if been suicidal since i was about 12, but i havent tryeed to kill myself in a good 7 months. i havent seen my boyfriend in a month, and he had told me many times it wasnt the he wanted to break up. but tonight i talked to him, and he wouldnt say he loved me and he wouldnt wish me happy anniversary back, and was acting very weird. i started crying pulling at my hair, because i was starting to realize my world was falling apart. (( ive never been guy crazy like other girls, i barely date. and i when i started dating nathan, everything was going great. and he always told me he loved me, and he didnt even leave me when i thought i was pregnant. )) i went out into the bathroom, and started throwing up from crying to much, and my mom came out of her room being woken up. she really liked my boyfriend a lot, and was upset that we were falling apart. i later went back to talk to nathan, and he told me he was sorry but he didnt have any time for me, and he was spending more time with his family, and he was starting college soon and he was busy working all the time, and that if i wanted to break up with him, to go ahead. he wouldnt be upset. but i couldnt do it, i love him too much, even though i know our relationship will be the same. and the only thing i can think of his killing myself..
Posts: 7 | From: dayton, ohio, united states | Registered: Jan 2003
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The end of a relationship is always hard, especially if you invested a lot of your hopes in it. It's important for you to be kind to yourself right now, to give yourself the space to heal. Do something every day that is just for you- take a bath, indulge in a foot scrub, or pay special attention to a hobby or interest that you have. Remind yourself of the good things in your life- already from this post, I can see that you have a mother who cares about you very much (mothers are great).
However, given that you say you are suicidal, there are some bigger steps you need to take. All of the staff and volunteers at Scarleteen care about your health and wellbeing, and I'm sure that you have plenty of people in your own life who do as well. Even reaching out for help like this is a very good step, but it sounds like you need to talk to a professional counsellor about this, which can seem like a big and scary step, but is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. Perhaps start by confiding in a trusted adult- a parent, trusted teacher, or school counsellor, letting them know that this is a big issue that needs attention. If you're still working up to this, and you really need someone to talk to when things are really bad, you can call the National Suicide Hotline for the US: 1800 784 2433. Also, I'm sure your local Yellow Pages would have numbers for even more hotlines- sometimes it can help just to have an understanding voice on the other side of the phone.
Your life is a very precious thing- and there are people out there who can help you. Please, for the people who care about you, and most of all for yourself, take the steps you need to feel better.
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