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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » SHOULD I, HELP ME

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Author Topic: SHOULD I, HELP ME
Rebecca Esther
Neophyte
Member # 11842

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hey, ok see there is this guy i really like, we aren't datin but we have kissed and called each other 3 times and he has showed me his D**K, he wants me to give him head, but i dunno how and i want him to use a condom but i dunno how to tell him, and he wants it soon like very soon so plz help me quick!! THANKX!!!!

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*gymnast_07*


Posts: 5 | From: ashdown | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

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Firstly: slow down .

Sex is not an emergency - there's no hurry . Maybe he wants to have oral sex soon, but what do you want? You haven't said anything about that in this post, but it's just as important. Do you actually want to be sexually active with this guy yet? Do you feel ready for sexual activity at this stage? Even if you "really like" him, are you comfortable with being sexually involved when you're not dating him?

It's fine if you are - but you need to think about it and be sure that it's what you want. And you have every right to take some time to think about this. Being rushed into sexual activity just because of what someone else wants is a really bad idea.

Secondly, we don't and can't give "how to" advice here, and one reason for that is that really the only way to find out what will give your partner pleasure is to communicate with them.

In fact, communication is the key to making any sort of sex fun and safe - physically and emotionally.

If you're not able to communicate with this guy enough to explain that you're not sure what to do, or to tell him that you want to use a condom (which is essential for oral sex - check out Mouthing Off On Oral Sex), then I'd say those are pretty strong reasons to think that you shouldn't be getting sexual with him at all right now.

Take a look at Ready or Not? –The Readiness Checklist - it's oriented towards people thinking about first intercourse, but much of it can apply to any kind of sexual activity, including oral sex.

Read through it, then have a think about what you actually want and what you feel ready for.


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rebecca Esther
Neophyte
Member # 11842

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hey thankx for the advice it helped a lil.........we have communication he asks me if i want to and before we kiss and stuff he asks if he can so i mean i want to but i don't in a way i wanna make him happy ya know coz i like him and all but i just don't know b\c i am like a 'good girl'.......so help agian i guess!~**

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*gymnast_07*


Posts: 5 | From: ashdown | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

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quote:
we have communication he asks me if i want to and before we kiss and stuff he asks if he can

Y'know, there's more to communication than just him asking. Do you feel comfortable answering - even if the answer's "no" or you want to set a limit? Do you feel okay with saying that you want to use a condom, for example? Do you feel able to ask him questions?

quote:
so i mean i want to but i don't in a way i wanna make him happy ya know coz i like him and all but i just don't know b\c i am like a 'good girl'

So it sounds like you have mixed feelings - part of you wants to and part of you doesn't want to. That's okay, but it's a very good reason for waiting until you really 100% want to. You also need to think about your reasons - doing something sexual just to make someone else happy is a pretty bad idea if it's not also what you want.

If you don't feel ready for this right now, or you'd like more time to think about it, then let him know. If he's a good person, he'll respect that. You wouldn't want to pressure him into anything he didn't feel ready for, so he shouldn't do that to you, right?


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rebecca Esther
Neophyte
Member # 11842

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hey thankx agian but i think he got sum last nite from this otha gurl so i doubt he'll even ask me agian see i know he will be just usin me but i like him alot and i know that it is bad to give him head when he won't prolly even talk to me any more afwards ugh i am just so confused!~**

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*gymnast_07*


Posts: 5 | From: ashdown | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Sounds to me, Rebecca that what has you confused is the idea that sex can make someone like you or mean they owe you something: namely attention, commitment or the time of day.

And none of those things are true.

The person worthy of your time and care? That's the person who respects all of you: including your limits, the right pace for you and your heart. That's the person who you wouldn't doubt -- for an instant -- would continue talking to you after engaging in sexual activities with them. That's the person whose care and attention you don't have to earn, with sexual favors or anything else save care and attention of your own.

What exactly do you like about this guy? from how you've spoken, it sounds like not only is he just walking around flopping about his willie at people, he's making a habit of using and abusing people's want for him to like them. Something tells me as well too, that most of this "sharing" is likely sans condoms and other safer sex practices, meaning you share such, you could also take home something super-special, like a case of gonnorhea of the throat. Whee!

Come on, love. Think with your head, and think deeply about all of this. Mostly, think about you and what you're worth.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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