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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Lost my virginity...

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Author Topic: Lost my virginity...
DoubleD0214
Neophyte
Member # 11366

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I recently lost my virginty to an older guy (I'm fourteen, he;s 17) and after sleeping with him three times, he told me he doesn't even wanna see me again, not to talk to him, the whole enchilada.At first, I was heart broken, but know I have to have some way to get him back. Please help me.
Posts: 2 | From: Illnois | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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quote:
Originally posted by DoubleD0214:
At first, I was heart broken, but know I have to have some way to get him back. Please help me.

Broken hearts are tough stuff, that's for sure. But look at what you've just typed. You have to have some way to get him back? That doesn't seem terribly healthy. You've gotta ask yourself whether or not you really want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you. Honestly, that's not very fair to you or to the other person. You cannot force someone to care for you...and trying to force them or trick them into something is just going to make a bad situation even worse for both of you. Sex changes things...in big ways sometimes. Having sex with someone does not mean they're guarenteed to love you and stay with you forever.

While I know it's easier said than done, your best bet is going to be to get over this and move on. Why don't you check out our Relationships and Support Groups sections for more threads about breaking up?

Also, check out these articles:
Ready or Not? –The Readiness Checklist
Safer Sex... For Your Heart

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KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Sexpert (and Labia Lady)


Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DoubleD0214
Neophyte
Member # 11366

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thats not what I meant.... I wanna make him pay for what he did to me.
Posts: 2 | From: Illnois | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
Activist
Member # 961

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Desire for revenge is NOT an emergency. Doing something stupid because of those feelings could well end up being so, if you end up doing something dangerous or criminal. The legal expert next to me at the moment says that specific threats are prohibited by your state's penal code, and can run from a misdemeanor to a felony very easily. That's not something you need on your record. Please reread the Guidelines you agreed to when you signed up here before you make any more posts, and do post in the appropriate forum next time.

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Milke, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP

It was a good lay. . .

[This message has been edited by Milke (edited 01-09-2003).]


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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What he did to you was move on, luv. People do that, it happens. Maybe he didn't do it in the best way -- we can't know because we don't know the whole story, but all the same, people move on (and it's possible he moved on BECAUSE he picked up on your desparation -- most people, reasonably, don't want that in their lives).

What it sounds like is hurting you so badly is what YOU did to you -- seems you expected sleeping with this person would cement them to you, perhaps because they were your first partner, and it's that unrealistic expectation that has you hurting.

You can't hold someone else responsible for your expectations. You can, however, learn they were not realistic and adjust them in the future to keep you from getting hurt in this way again. You can also respond like a mature adult and move on yourself, giving yourself the care you need -- "getting someone back" not only doesn't fix your hurt, it'll land you in a world of trouble and likely make you hurt even more, again, at your own hand.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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